“Chicanas who grew up speaking Chicano Spanish have internalized the belief that we speak poor Spanish.”, this quote reminds me of when I used to live with my Mother who speaks semi broken and grammatically incorrect English mixed with Japanese phrases. Because of this I picked up a lot of those same patterns and didn’t know a lot of English equivalents for Japanese words. This made me feel very stupid at times since I wouldn’t know how to properly describe certain feelings or how to say everyday terms. I honestly believed I was lesser than others because I couldn’t speak English as well and had a more limited vocabulary. Even though it’s not the exact same, English being the main language I was expected to speak and me not being able to speak it to the extent of my peers had a very large impact on me and pushed me to better my understanding of the language. This in turn caused my love for reading and stories, which has now evolved into my love for movies and cartoons. The mix of Japanese and English I speak with my Mom is very similar to how Anzaldúa speaks Spanglish. I can speak conversational Japanese, but just like how I still have some problems remembering English words I don’t fully know Japanese and still have trouble with some grammar and words/phrases. Because of this I tend to mix in some English words with a Japanese like pronunciation or will say full sentences in chunks of English. Sometimes this seeps into when I’m speaking English, since I still don’t say the r in words like Door instead pronouncing it with an a sound at the end which is something that is very common in words that Japanese has taken from English.
One of my favorite phrases is “You smell like sun/outside”, I know that it is a phrase that is used more in the South. My dad’s side of the family uses it a lot to describe how someone smells when they’ve been outside for a while in the sunny and hot weather. This was said to me a lot as a child growing up so it’s linked with those memories. It’s an interesting phrase since when I tell people it their immediate reaction is “What does that even mean? What does sun smell like?”, and all I can respond is “Sun, I don’t know it’s just that smell you get from being outside on a hot day.” I looked up the phrase online to see what that smell exactly is, and from what I can gather it might be a chemical reaction or just the smell of dried sweat. I also find it very interesting that my Dad says the phrase since he grew up in New York, which means that my Grandma must have been the one who taught him the phrase. This is also interesting since my family has mostly been New Yorkers since about 3 generations ago, making the phrase something that has been consistently in my families vocabulary despite being Northerners for so long.
Everything you said within the first paragraph, I can honestly relate to. I also grew up between two languages, Chinese and English, and personally its a struggle to be proficient at both of them. As I continue to use English more than my Chinese, my native tongue continues to diminish and I begin struggling when trying to have a conversation with my relatives. The most noticeable struggle is definitely my vocabulary in Chinese, it’s elementary level and sometimes like you, I struggle to express myself sometimes.
The introduction was well said. But it was quite big so maybe you could split it into two paragraphs and two subjects. Same as you, being an Asian American, it might be hard to speak well in one language and still be proficient at speaking your heritage language.
You perfectly described what it is like when two bilingual people talk. Jumping from one language to another may be confusing from an outside eye and people might think that it should just be easier to stick to one language. For first and even second-generation Americans whose families speak other languages, jumping from language to language in the same sentence is common, and often makes the conversation more free-flowing in our minds.
The introduction is very well written and I agree 100 percent that speaking two languages can be very hard. I am a Albanian – American and I speak both languages fluently and is sometimes very challenging to be fluent in both. Sometimes I catch myself talking to friend’s and saying a word in Albanian to them, and they say “huh”, Then I translate what I said. It actually happened to me today which is kind of funny that this is what I’m writing about now.
Your example on how people speak 2 languages and often mix them when talking is something I can relate to on a daily basis. Sometimes I don’t know a word in Spanish so I say it in English and vice versa. I also like how you started off with a quote and compared that to your life.
The mix between English and Japanese is its own language! It is interesting to flip this: how come people you spoke with didn’t feel “stupid” when they couldn’t fully communicate with you? Why is it always up to the speaker to communicate? Where is the listener’s responsibility in this? I also love that historical connection in your roots that you can trace “You smell like sun” to your dad in NYC and to your grandma in the south. I also like how the saying sounds a lot more fun than saying “you smell like dried sweat.” That seems like a very southern thing. Lots of creative sayings in the south that have a sort of double meaning in ways that are playful rather than mean.