“Growing up illiterate…in my family language” by Candace Kwan really connected with me on a personal level, because throughout her post she speaks of being an ABC (American -Born Chinese). As she stated in her post, many ABC’s grow up illiterate in Cantonese and/or Mandarin due to how the language is used in daily life in America.

There is a specific quote in Kwan’s post that really relates with my experience growing up in America in a Chinese household: “While Hui may brush off mistakes with ease, it’s not so easy for me. It sounds terribly silly now, but for a while I didn’t like speaking in Cantonese because I was too worried that I would stumble on my words.” (Kwan).

When I was younger, I was able to speak Cantonese and more specifically the Taishanese dialect fluently. Cantonese is technically my first language, but as I grew up I started using the dialect less frequently. I went to an American school and everyone I spoke to outside of my household spoke English. My mom enrolled me in Saturday Chinese language programs to help gain back my fluency. I took Cantonese classes first and aced those classes so I was transferred to Mandarin classes (as mandarin is more likely used in work opportunities). However, I was transferred in a few levels higher and did not start from the beginning. You see, level 1 teaches the tones and pronunciation of Mandarin, however because I skipped level 1 and 2, it was difficult for me to speak in Mandarin. I was embarrassed to speak in Mandarin, because I was one of the only ones in the class who couldn’t speak it. I just refused to speak in class. That class was one of the only opportunities that I had to practice my Mandarin and I refused to practice. Now, I can’t speak Mandarin well, but I can understand, read and write it. I just can’t speak it. My Cantonese also suffered, because I was taken out of the Cantonese classes early on, I can only speak beginner level Cantonese. At home I would speak a mixture of Hong Kong Cantonese and Taishanese and I was not aware that I was mixing the dialects together until one of my cousins pointed it out. As I continued to grow up, English also got mixed up in my fusion language. Many people would use Chinglish as a term to explain the mixture between Chinese and English, but in my case there are so many languages and dialects mixed it with my speech, it made it even difficult to communicate with my parents. Maybe, that’s why I’ve gotten into art. Art just gave me an outlet to communicate with my parents without having to use my fusion language, but also allowed me to gain back some of my Chinese identity that I’ve lost while growing up.

Painting of Yuyuan Gardens

Citation:

Kwan, Candace. “Growing up illiterate…in my family language.” The Seattle Globalist, 5 Jan, 2015, https://www.seattleglobalist.com/2015/01/05/growing-illiterate-family-language/31079. Accessed 27 Jan, 2020.

Sandra Wu