“Untranslatable self” is an expression which I have found recently. I am getting older and older but I still don’t know who I am. I don’t know how to define myself. My mind is still young like 21. My thinking and view of how to see the world look like not to grow up at all. I mean I am suffering from considering how to live as an adult. The reason is that my mind sets on the past. There is a song “Young, Wild, and Free by Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa.” Do I want to live like this? Of course, It doesn’t mean I’d like to roll one and smoke one. As getting older and getting one more age every year, I’ve not changed myself. However, people around me have a different view of me and expectation to me. I think I should response to them. Especially, my family. You can say “you should live your own life.” I know this. However, they’ve raised me up while I was a kid. They contributed to making who I am. They still affect me even if it’s not big. I know that I am not young and I don’t live alone in the world. Who am I? But who affects me? But why should I mind other people? What should I do? But… never mind. I cannot find answers to those questions. Life is a way to find me. If so, this is not a life if I find keys. I decide to enjoy thinking of me although it is impossible to define myself. I just want to say ten years later “I was who worry about my life and afraid of unknown unclear future. But I still do. The different thing is I have my log about how to live my life. These are my memories which sometimes make me smile.”