Feelings confuse me
Not the feelings of
Happiness
Sadness
Being nervous
Excited
Those are the feelings that hits you with a label
You know where it comes from
And how to respond
You don’t have to wonder how it got there
But what about those feelings in-between
The feelings that I can’t describe
The feelings that no one can label
How do you put a label on a feeling
When you’re laying in bed
And you’re thinking
And thinking
Thinking about
Yesterday, today, tomorrow
Overthinking
Then suddenly
You can’t seem to remember when you invited these thoughts into your mind
And then the universe- that at first just consisted of you and your bed-
Seems to expand and collapse all at once
That feeling when you put on a shirt
And then a different shirt, and then something else
And you can’t decide
Whether
You hate the shirts
Or that you hate every shirt on you
When you have already realized how something will workout
But you can’t stop
Just can’t give up
It’s not that easy
It’s like wanting to deceive yourself
And you fail until the very end
That feeling
On the days that you wake up
And it’s quiet
And it’s dark outside
And you don’t know whether or not you want to try today
There are also other feelings
That I can’t label
Or describe
It’s when
When I go to prayer on Saturday mornings
And it’s still dark when I close my eyes
And while I’m in conversation
It’s something that I can’t explain
But I open my eyes to see the rays of sunshine seeping through
There is no way to fully describe
That moment I hug someone tight
And when I smile so hard
That my eyes start to tear
And cheeks begin to hurt
Words seem to escape me
When I try to explain to someone
How winter smells
And how it reminds me of when I was little
Of when I used watch my grandpa kindle the fireplace
And I would sit there for hours listening to the fire crackle and pop until I fell asleep
Feelings confuse me
I don’t understand
How something so basic
Can expand so far
And be so different