(Click on the image to view the gif.)

College hit me hard! I have been having a difficult transition into college and part of it is due to the amount of work that is given. Since college semesters are a lot shorter,  more work are being given in those short amount of time.  Maybe the amount of work given is not THAT much, but I had a very relaxing senior year in high school with minimal amount of work that needed to be done. Like this gif, sometimes I just want to throw away (not burn) all my assignments. Just throw away all my problems and pretend that they do not exist. Or, if you read in between the lines of this gif, turn your work into something you like to do/fun so you would actually want to do it.
I have always thought that my time management was on point but everyone has their limit. I have obviously reached and passed mine so right now I am working on it all over again, from scratch! I am trying to be like this gif, turning all my assignments into something “fun” so it would not feel like a chore.
My overall experience at Baruch thus far has been overwhelming. Trying to juggle my social life with my school life is difficult enough but I went ahead and added my work life to the two. Right now I feel like a tightrope walker that have to balance in three different directions and any second, one of the three are going to tip over and I am going to fall. I am currently attempting to tackle everything with positivity but to be honest, I cannot wait for this semester to be over so one of the weight can be lifted off my shoulders.

Gif credit goes to chibird.com.

I regret not enjoying my childhood to the fullest.
I regret not being a good example to my younger brother.
I regret not asking for help when I needed it most.
I regret having the mentality that I can deal with everything on my own.
I regret telling people I am fine, when in reality I am not fine.
I regret being pushed to my limit.
I regret letting people tell me how I should feel.
I regret letting people walk all over me.
I regret letting my self-esteem and confidence get trampled over.
I regret not standing up for myself.
I regret putting myself down.
I regret feeling like I am not good enough.
I regret making myself sick.
I regret not being able to express my feelings the way I want to.
I regret not being a better friend.
I regret not being more understanding.
I regret acting based on an emotion.
I regret letting myself go during my junior year in high school.
I regret not trying hard enough.
I regret knowing that I gave my best but still feeling like I did not try hard enough.
I regret being such a Negative Nancy.
I regret not making more of an effort to better myself.
But there is one thing I do not regret.
I do not regret being born and meeting amazing people that helped me through all my hardships.
To those people, I would like to say thank you.

My picture might be a little confusing but what I’m trying to show is myself being in a protective bubble that is shielding me from society and all their negativity. The little figure outside the bubble represent society. Within the bubble you see these little weird figures floating above me. They are supposed to be those amazing people I mentioned in my blog post. The reason they are near my head is because they are not with me physically but their words are always with me and they are the one that help makes me strong and block out all the negativity from society. The little figure in my arms represent my mother because she is the most amazing person of them all and is also the most important person to me. She is always there for me whenever I need her and she is the person I want to thank the most. The color is supposed to represent happiness. The reason everything around me is in black and white is not because society is sad, it is because society is not something that makes me happy. Everything within the bubble is colored because everything within the bubble makes me happy.

http://play.spotify.com/user/iheartieu/playlist/7q6Qu2PHxw6rSC27bnlLLY
I chose to make a playlist because I have always had a special connection with music. Music are my go to when I’m happy, sad,  and every other emotions in between. I did not choose these songs because they are my favorite songs. I chose them because they are my “pick me up” songs. These are the songs I listen to when I need a boost in confidence, when I’m having a bad day, or when I feel really good about being who I am. Most of these songs send out very positive messages and that is what I strive for in life, positivity.  Having suffered from depression for over a year, I know what a dark place it is there and I have no desire to go back. “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson really speaks to me. Whenever I listen to this song, I get the feeling that I can do anything if I set my mind to it. Like the lyrics in the song, what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainer, “Roar” & “Firework” by Katy Perry, “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga, and “Not Afraid” by Eminem are my self esteem building songs.  When I’m feeling down or just need something to pick me up, these are the songs I go to. These songs send out the message that I should love myself for who I am and that I should not care about how others see me because at the end of the day it is only going to be me, myself, and I. As long as I am happy with who I am, everyone else’s opinions do not matter. “Louder” by Charice, “Don’t Stop Believin'” by Journey, and “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield are the songs that I listen to when I am nervous and need something to calm my nerves. These songs send out the message that I should not be scared. If I want to do something, then I should go for it because I cannot predict the future and worrying about it is not going to make it better. Instead of worrying about the consequences, I should just take the first steps and whatever happens after that, I will face it head on. I chose to put “Please Don’t Judge Me” by Chris Brown into the playlist because I really like the meaning behind the song.  I really like the line”Just let the past, just be the past.” The song taught me that moving on is better than dwelling on the past. It is the past for a reason so just move on because life is not stopping for you just because you want to stop. These are the reasons why I chose all the songs on my playlist. They help shape me into a more positive person, helping me get closer and closer to my goal of living a life full of positivity.