I would describe myself as an outgoing introvert. I’m able to talk to people and get along well but it is a struggle each day to motivate myself to do so.  Everyday I weigh out my decisions. I can crawl back into my bed and hide from my  responsibilities and those who care about me or I can go and do something productive with my life. The decisions I’ve made throughout the first 18 years of my life have made me feel alienated from everyone around me. I’ve neglected my friends, my family, and even my studies. I have lost great opportunities and relationships with people because of my selfish decisions.

This is what I regret most about my life growing up and what I most desperately want to change about myself. Now that I’ve been given a new environment and even more responsibilities I am working towards being a reliable and trustworthy friend.

Growing up biracial has been quite the experience. On my mother’s side I’m Filipino and on my Father’s I’m Irish. I’ve always been stuck in the middle when it comes to race. To Whites I’m Asian and to Asian I’m White. It’s not a negative thing because it allows me to experience both cultures. The Filipino culture has had a deep impact on my life because my Mother is an immigrant from the Philippines, so a lot of Filipino customs have been practiced in my house while I was growing up. Eating things like Chicken Adobo, Lumpia, Pansit, Inasal, Kare-Kare and Halo-Halo; singing Karaoke, watching all the Manny Pacquiao fights are just some of the things Filipino culture has given me. My Father is a born and raised American so the Irish culture has been suppressed quite a bit. I appreciate everything being biracial has given me. It has given me insight into two different worlds.  

Hi I’m Jason.
I get really really confused when people that i first meet say i look hard to approach or what not. In high school, my friends told me that i looked like those kids that want to be left alone all the time.

WELL that is not true, haha.

After getting comfortable, i’m down to earth, and i’m never serious, 100% real.
ONE.
HUNNIT.
PERCENT.

I don’t like beating around the bush a lot, so because of that, i talk really directly. So some  people think that I’m cold or aggressive.
I’m sure some of my classmates think I’m quiet ( you know who you are, i’m calling you out right now huhu ). The truth is, on some days i just want to get class over with and go home, because honestly school is not something I’m enthusiastic about. Especially calculus and history, i’m bad at studying on my own so these subjects get me worried everyday.

I had to cover my right hand, because i was doing something lol lol lol lol lol

Hi, my name is Gitanjali and I used to think that if you couldn’t pronounce it, then its your problem and you should get it right. However, I learned that I would have to meet people half because my name is kind of hard to pronounce. Now I would say, “hi, My name is Geet.” Now if you can’t pronounce “Geet”, something is definitely wrong with you. I basically met you more than halfway. No, I did not shorten my name because it would easier for you. This is my nickname at home and it basically means music in Hindi.

I love my nickname; it’s short and sweet and I love music. It just describes me in one word. I don’t love my full name. It’s not short, it’s not sweet. In third grade I won a contest fro having the most letters in my name. That was a stupid contest. Why would a teacher make that into a competition? Anyways, I’ve gotten used to it by now, but I still prefer my nickname.

When I was younger, no one cared about names or how they were pronounced my name. Apparently, as humans we tend to complicate things as we get older. Every first day is so bad for me because of  some people won’t even try. It’s even gotten to the point where I have thought about changing my name to Geet. I don’t know, I guess that will always be an option but I wouldn’t want to change my name right now. Despite the struggles, it’s actually made life interesting. Some of the people who’ve had trouble with my name became my best friends.

Our names are a part of identity and it is part of part of the initial phase of getting to know someone. If someone genuinely wants to be your friend, they should at least try to say your name right and not change it.

Names mean a lot, get it right.

When I was about nine years old, my grandmother bought a set of classic books for me. One of these special books caught my attention. The Call of the Wild by Jack London seemed, to me, to call upon my imagination. I had always loved the wilderness; I realized that as I grow older, my desire to explore the wilderness grows as well.

In the story, a young dog is kidnapped and taken to Alaska, and taught to be a sled dog. Then, after proving his loyalty to his former masters by fighting men and beasts, he escapes into the wild. Although I did not understand some parts of the book seeing how I was nine years old, the setting and action proved to be exciting, and so I ended up reading this book many times. The thought of a wild dog in the Alaskan wilderness going back home captivated me.

The story was adventurous and compelling, which is why I believe it caught my interest as I was growing up and developed my curiosity to explore.

Did you wake up this morning thinking that you are lucky to live another day of your life? To be honest, I didn’t. I guess you could say I take it for granted that I wake up with no problem to live another normal day of my life. I don’t realize it, but I go on without appreciating every person or every little thing. I really should, because there are many people who wake up and cannot live their life how they want because they are unable to go out and do the things they love, and there are others who do not wake up to see another day. This just so happened to one of my best friend Amy Tan.

Amy was my friend in high school, and she had cancer. I remember I would always see her studying for her classes and getting involved in school, not only in her classes, but also during her free periods and even after school. She made me more determined to work hard in order to do better, and in the end all the hard work paid off. I graduated high school, passed all my classes with high grades, and I am able to go to college. I am blessed to live a great life and be able to do all this, while Amy never had the chance to. She passed during her senior year. Amy couldn’t graduate high school or even turn 17 during her time here. It was hard to see all her time, effort, and hardwork go to waste. But in the end, it wasn’t wasted. It helped me to appreciate everything and appreciate being able to wake up and live my life. She made me determined to achieve my goals and do the things she never had the chance to.

Amy taught me to be more appreciative of the things I have and of the people who are in my life, because without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

My family and friends kept me motivated and pushed me to do my best in everything, even when I doubted myself and gave up. Without them, I would not be here today and I would be lost and disappointed in myself. Also, I am blessed to grow up with shelter, food, clothes, and education. I always look at others to see what I want that I don’t have, but by doing that, I forget to look around and remember to appreciate what I already have.

I truly appreciate everything and everyone in my life, especially my friend Amy Tan.

Imagine growing up and always compared to your older sibling. Yup, I’ve been through that. “Why aren’t u as smart as your sister??!!” I always wondered when people are going to get tired of that saying. But apparently, it NEVER goes away. Even though my parents said they treat me and my sister equally, it didn’t feel like it. Everything went into her favor and she had the best of everything. I would get the left over or even second handed stuff from her.  I have absolutely no say in anything in my home because I am the “dumber” one.

I started working hard on school work in middle school but I also felt I was missing out because I only went to school, library, and back home. I was missing my friends and suddenly I was losing out on my social life.  Though I tried my hardest, it was not good enough to satisfy my parents and especially my sister. At this time I made a full 180 degrees turn and started to slack off. Having so much pressure on my back to do well took its toll on me. I was sort of depressed but thankfully my friends told me to cheer up and to laugh everything off. I took that advice and suddenly I lost interest in school.

So when something does not fall in my favor or go my way I think, “It is what it is”. Especially when my grades aren’t up to the expectations of my sister, I could really care less.

Raised under two very conservative parents who were born and raised in Korea, I was also raised to not be very creative and expressive. Up until high school, I didn’t have many hobbies unless it was what my parents forced me to learn in which they thought will be better for my future. I didn’t really enjoy them so those “hobbies” would never last long.

Ever since I was a little kid, I loved listening to music and moving my body with the music to just fool around. In middle school, I realized that I really loved to learn and practice dance moves that I would find online however I kept it to myself and no one, not even my parents or close friends, knew about it. When I went into high school, I found out about a dance club but I was too scared to audition. Finally on the last day of try outs, I felt that I would regret it if I didn’t even try so I did and I made it! When I told my parents they were were surprised and even a bit skeptical. I decided not to think much about how my parents felt but insead do what I really want. Dancing is a hobby that I’m doing because, I, not my parents, want and that really help me realize how important it is to sometimes think about yourself first. In the past, I never really thought about what would be good for me and didn’t looked for things that would make me happy and always did just what I was told to do. However, now I know that this is your life that you are living, not someone else’s, so in the end it all comes down to what you love to do and what makes you happy.

During 2011, a devastating event former altered my perspective. It was then that I found out that my father had greatly damaged three discs in his spine lifting heavy objects for a long period of time; the news stunned me. The doctor advised my dad to either have surgery or take medications to relieve the pain. He inevitably chose the latter as there were too many risks inherent in the surgery. That day I considered how life would be if my father were incapable of working, thought about how my mom would have to get a job, and imagined the new responsibilities that would emerge in the family. Angry at life, I believed dad did not deserve this cruel fate because he is a loving person who has always cared for, and placed, others before himself.

My dad does not want me to experience life as he has, performing physical labor for little recompense, so he would constantly remind me of how crucial a role education would play in my future. After two months in pain, his condition slightly improved, but he had to adjust his role at work since he could no longer lift heavy objects. I am grateful for having a person like my dad in my life because he cares deeply for me and my family: he truly embodies everything that a daughter would desire in a father.

I assisted my father at his restaurant during the summer of 2012 and that experience radically changed my perspective of the role of education in my life. Like many other teenagers, I had previously convinced myself that a superior education would secure a first-rate job without truly comprehending what it actually meant “to learn.” The feverish work required at the restaurant blew away that simplistic notion as the temperatures in the kitchen would rise as high as a hundred degrees. I can still remember how exhausted I was on the first day and I can still not believe that my father has been doing this for the past twenty-seven years. Undereducated, he had worked extensive hours for little recompense in order to earn a living and support our family. Stunned, I became conscious of the immediate reality wherein an education provides opportunities for me to better myself and does not exist as something to be taken for granted. I strongly desired to distance myself from a laborer’s world which demanded a great deal of work for little pay.

My experience with manual labor compelled me to rededicate myself to my education. I realized that a successful life would be contingent upon developing my intellectual abilities through education. Additionally, I was no longer only concerned about my work life, but also considered my future as a person. I truly believe that an education can make me a more knowledgeable person who can practically apply her learning in the real world. In the end, I only hope one day I will be able to release my father from his hardship through my newfound determination and resolution.

I regret not enjoying my childhood to the fullest.
I regret not being a good example to my younger brother.
I regret not asking for help when I needed it most.
I regret having the mentality that I can deal with everything on my own.
I regret telling people I am fine, when in reality I am not fine.
I regret being pushed to my limit.
I regret letting people tell me how I should feel.
I regret letting people walk all over me.
I regret letting my self-esteem and confidence get trampled over.
I regret not standing up for myself.
I regret putting myself down.
I regret feeling like I am not good enough.
I regret making myself sick.
I regret not being able to express my feelings the way I want to.
I regret not being a better friend.
I regret not being more understanding.
I regret acting based on an emotion.
I regret letting myself go during my junior year in high school.
I regret not trying hard enough.
I regret knowing that I gave my best but still feeling like I did not try hard enough.
I regret being such a Negative Nancy.
I regret not making more of an effort to better myself.
But there is one thing I do not regret.
I do not regret being born and meeting amazing people that helped me through all my hardships.
To those people, I would like to say thank you.

My picture might be a little confusing but what I’m trying to show is myself being in a protective bubble that is shielding me from society and all their negativity. The little figure outside the bubble represent society. Within the bubble you see these little weird figures floating above me. They are supposed to be those amazing people I mentioned in my blog post. The reason they are near my head is because they are not with me physically but their words are always with me and they are the one that help makes me strong and block out all the negativity from society. The little figure in my arms represent my mother because she is the most amazing person of them all and is also the most important person to me. She is always there for me whenever I need her and she is the person I want to thank the most. The color is supposed to represent happiness. The reason everything around me is in black and white is not because society is sad, it is because society is not something that makes me happy. Everything within the bubble is colored because everything within the bubble makes me happy.