“Tell Me What to Like”

Tell me what to like. Throughout my life, I have been told what to like. What songs were great, what movies were inspirational, what clothes were hip and other things. I would listen to songs and think “meh”. But then my friends tell me that the same songs are really good and I’ll give it a second chance. After this second chance, I enjoy it. I used to think certain clothing brands were so “cool” because other people wore it. Eventually the same people would deem the clothes to be lame and I would do so, too.

I am materialistic. I enjoy material things. When Kanye designed shoes for Louis Vuitton and Nike, I wanted them. I would gladly pay a premium to have them. Why? These shoes function just the same as others. Kanye told me to get them. Not explicitly but he had put his branding on them. After Kanye’s falling out with corportions, I don’t view how the brands the same. Maybe it’s because I care too much about what others think. Who knows…

This is a picture of me. The front-flash was too dim at night so the Tech engineer in me told me to use a flash light. This was the result. I have great ideas that don’t provide great results.

Throughout my life, it has always been hard for me to find exactly where I belonged.  I had troubled fitting in, and I went through a lot of different friends.  My friend group constantly changed.  I became friends with different types of people, all with unique personalities that varied from one another.  These people kept entering my life and then leaving my life.  It wasn’t that a problem occurred in the friendship or that a fight caused us to go our separate ways, but it was just that I always ended up drifting from a lot of these people.  I never knew why this constantly happened to me.  Drifting from people always bothered me because I’ve always cared about the relationships I have with the people in my life and I always tried to maintain them to the best of my ability.  I guess it’s that people just naturally go their own way, doing what’s best for them.  Most people don’t think and care about the relationships in their life as much as they care about their own success and advancement.  I believe that people change your life more than most think they do.  I know for a fact that the friends I made in my final years of high school, changed my life in more ways than anyone could ever imagine.

In my sophomore year, I decided to quit my dance team at my old studio and try out for a new team at a place completely unfamiliar to me.  I went out on a limb.  I didn’t know what this team would be like, how intense the dancing would be, or if I would get along with the people I would later on call my teammates.  If I never took this chance, I can honestly say I don’t know who I would be at this very moment.  The people that I met through this team are now my absolute best friends and I would not be able to picture my life without them.  I’m not sure if these people actually changed me, or if they just brought out the real me that I’ve always been too insecure to be.  I truly believe that having strong bonds with people can completely change your perspective on everything.  By becoming so close to my teammates, I valued their opinions and views so deeply.  How each of my friends looked at something, got me to think and question if what I believed was actually factual.  Not only did my teammates open my eyes on certain subjects, they brought happiness into my life as well.  There was never a dull moment when I was with my team.  I enjoyed every second of rehearsal, even the 12 hour run-throughs before competition weekend.  And if I didn’t spend enough time with these people, we were always hanging out when we weren’t at dance as well.  Having a close bond with someone is honestly one of the best things in the world.  I’m lucky to say I have that type of relationship with a whole group of incredible human beings.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”  This quote has undoubtedly reflected my emotions over the past few weeks.  The consequence for having such strong friendships is the pain one feels when having to say goodbye.  It hurts me to know that everything my life has been is never going to be that way ever again.  The ability to see the people I loved so deeply at any moment is gone.  I couldn’t just go and pick up my friends after school or see them at dance in the afternoon.  I now have to endure everyday without the people who made me who I am, and this will forever be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do.

7am, first alarm sounds, “wait five minutes” I tell myself. 7:05am, second alarm rings, “just ten more minutes, I still have time”. 8am, “Holy cow, I’m late!” The funny thing is that I’m not actually late. I set my alarm an hour earlier. Technically I’m late to being early. I know that doesn’t make sense, but that’s me in a nutshell, you’re not supposed to understand me. I’m different and no I’m not making a 2chainz reference.

Now, I could talk about my ethnicity but it’s not hard to see I’m from Mexico and growing up in a fairly “white” neighborhood I’ve heard just about every Mexican joke in the book. Curiously I also went to a Jewish primary school; I’m catholic by the way. “It was the closest school from our home, I didn’t even know it was Jewish” my mother laughs when we talk about it now. Although I can’t really blame her, at the time she was an immigrant, who barely spoke English and worked all day.  I guess that explains why I always sang Hanukah song on Christmas; to this day I’m still catholic, just clarifying again.

And what can I say about myself: I’m a perfectionist. In the first grade I got student of the moth for September. Then came October, the second month of school, I didn’t get student of the month this time. My tiny self was confused, “I’m obviously smarter than them” I probably said to myself, it sounds a bit egocentric but I couldn’t help myself. I asked my teacher, why? She responded by saying that “we can’t always be the best, we have to give others a chance”. That was the moral of the story, but not to me. When I see the big CEO’s and the bankers I see men who were the best at their “craft” and became so successful because they were always the best. So, the first grade, that’s when I learned that we don’t need a reward or recognition to be the best. Every 100 I get on a test or that future million dollar contract I’ll sign, that will be the real proof I am “the best”.

The saying “Blood is thicker than water”, while a fact, has a deeper meaning. I’m very fortunate to say that my family is the most crucial part of my life. People tend to take their family members for granted, however, I think about how lucky I am to have the awesome family that I do, all the time. My immediate family is quite small, my older sister Rachel, my Parents, and my furry companions- my 2 two dogs. I have cousins, aunts and uncles on both sides of my family, and remarkable grandparents from my Mother’s side. Being the baby of the family, I look up to each family member and see different characteristics that I admire and aspire to attain.

My parents are what can be called the “cool” parents. I can name countless events in which my parents went above and beyond the duties of being a parent. For example, when my Dad drove into the city, from Long Island, at 2:30 in the morning, to pick me up because I didn’t feel comfortable taking the train home. Another instance occurred when I told my Mom 6 of my friends were coming over for a small BBQ. We came home to my backyard to see the table filled with food, burgers and hot dogs all ready cooked, and the table set. These are just a little peek into the numerous selfless things they do for me. There is not a secret that I tell my best friends, that I do not tell my parents. I know my parents will never judge me, and honestly, I like to keep them in the know with what is going on in my life. While most people block their parents on social networks, I not only add them but interact with them. My Dad recently got a twitter, and while most teenagers would cringe, I laughed when I found out and tweeted at him. They are both successful at what they do, my Mom being a sales manager, and my Dad being a teacher. I am constantly inspired by their drive and ambition to be better at their job. While I could go on about my Parents, there are other family members who fill my life with joy.

Siblings and the term “best friend” can often go hand in hand, and in my case this is true. Having only one sibling, my older sister Rachel, I always looked up to her, physically and emotionally, from a young age. My sister has the motivation of nobody else I know, and when she puts her mind to something she can accomplish anything. She participated in numerous prestigious research programs from a young age and always knew she wanted to be an engineer. After completing four years at Olin College of Engineering, she was offered a job at a computer coding company. She continues to make accomplishments at her job and is continually learning. My sister was never into fitness in high school, but towards her early twenties she got into running, and in a short few months she completed her first half marathon. Like my parents, I tell my sister all of my secrets and inform her of everything that goes on in my life- regardless of our distance apart.

My Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents fill in the gaps of happiness. My cousins are all older than me, and therefore give me advice about everything. They’ve all graduated from college and are starting their lives as successful young adults which is very cool to watch happen before my eyes. There are no awkward age groups between us anymore, so we can relate about more things and talk about virtually anything. My uncles from my mom’s side, were actually my dad’s college buddies. This makes the relationship between my aunts and uncles much more intertwined and connected because everyone has known each other since they were young adults. As a result, when we get together, it’s one big hangout, and everyone knows each other. My grandparents came from Germany in the early 1930’s with barely any money. As time passed, they began to become successful- my Grandpa owning a handbag factory and company in New York City. Now in their early 80’s and 90’s, they continue to work, teaching the card game “Bridge” to others in their town, every monday evening. They are still physically active, my Grandpa (92), plays golf, tennis, and swims, and my Grandma (82) walks everyday. Technology is not foreign to them, they have two computers, each a cellphone, and my Grandpa even created his own Facebook account. I am fortunate to have an awesome family that lives close enough that I can see them throughout the year.

I believe that family makes a house become a home, along with the companionship of furry pets. Some of my favorite memories are laughing at the kitchen table with my family, laying in bed together watching our favorite show, or watching my dogs chase each other around the house. It saddens me to hear stories of estranged families who no longer keep in touch with one another. With the technology and social networks available to people today, there is no reason, not to keep in touch with family. It can be said that your family is forever, friends come and go. I feel very blessed to know that my family are my best friends, and that they will be there with me for all of life’s ups and downs.

I come from a family where girls are limited to what they can do and boys can do whatever they want. This mentality has had a great impact on my life. I was always told to go to school and come home right away. I couldn’t go to the park, hang out with my friends or even stay longer in school to study, but my male cousins could do all of that. I just saw this as a restriction maybe because my parents didn’t want me to mix too much with the western culture or they were just too overprotective,but being born in the United States and growing up here how could I possibly avoid it.

Due to these restrictions I couldn’t join many clubs after school and even when I joined clubs I would have to make so many excuses to come home just forty-five minutes late and be able to attend club meetings. Being in clubs made me stronger as a person and helped improve my leadership clubs. I was so involved in the club and the people around me that I  always went out of my way and did more then what was required of me to do. I panned events and made sure everything was so perfect even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to attend them. I didn’t do this for others only, but for my own satisfaction. I don’t do things for others expecting something in return. It was unfair for me because my parents wouldn’t let me attend these events even though I put so much effort into planning the events.

This impacted me socially as well. I couldn’t attend my friends birthday parties, graduation parties or even reunions.  I couldn’t even simply go to the movies with them either so I always felt left out.  Things have changed now because I go to college in the city and they know they can’t always be there for me, sometimes I am going to have to make the decisions for myself and I need my own space too. Now I can join clubs and attend the events and I am really excited because my first event is this Thursday, a party for Eid holiday.

Transitioning from a small middle school to one of the biggest high schools in the city, I learned to be myself. I was always the quiet, shy little girl who got good grades but never spoke. I was indifferent about going to school; I never really liked it or hated it. I would go to school, come home, do homework than watch television. My days would just go by and I never really talked to anyone at school, never seeing the need to. In high school, you were either a somebody, or a nobody and by the end of freshman year I became more talkative and outgoing. I made lots of friends, something I’ve never really done before. It was a new me within just a year of becoming somewhat independent. By senior year I was a new person, I started a club with my friend. It was a small club but it was a chance to meet new people who weren’t just my age. I also helped around the school more getting to know people who made going to school easy, the attendance lady and a few secretaries. Teachers suddenly weren’t teachers; they were actual human being who I could relate to and have conversations with. I wasn’t scared to ask for help anymore, nor was I the quiet person in class anymore. This change happened over a four year period, I’m excited to discover myself after the end of college where I’m going to an even bigger school than before.

With this change, I also changed my wardrobe. I love to buy colorful clothes and mix and match my outfits. What you wear is a reflection of you and I choose to be colorful because there are the good and the bad days then there are the days in between. The world is not just black and white, add some color and mix it up.

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I am a very helpful person. I always end up going out of my way to do things for others, even when they don’t do anything for me in return, because I just like to help others. I help others most of the time, even though they don’t deserve my help, but I’ll still help them anyway because everyone needs help with something. I don’t mind helping others, but when people begin to take advantage, that’s when I put my foot down.

Even when I was smaller, I was a pretty helpful person. I went to revisit my 3^rd grade teacher a few weeks ago; since she always went out of her way I’ll always remember her. When I went to go visit her she said I’ve gotten so big, but that I still resemble what I looked like as a 3^rd grader. She was happy for me that I was going to Baruch and then she told me a story from what happened when I was in 3^rd grade. She said ever since that day she always thought I would aspire to do great things. So the story was that one day I was in class drawing next to a friend of mine named Kevin, and his marker popped and got the color all over his face. She told me that without her asking for help from me, I took him to the sink as soon as it happened and then I got a paper towel and started to clean his face. I smiled when I heard that story because I’m still like that today.

Throughout high school I was pretty helpful too. I gave peer tutoring for all the math classes in high school, and work as a member of the National Honor Society to help the school community. I helped to start an event that was not only fun for the school, but one that helped raise money for an event that helped my high school be more known. I helped to make a Pie in a Teacher’s Face event a reality in my school, and it helped to raise funds for the SkillsUSA Organization in our school for others to compete in a nationwide event where our school is ranked in now.

Helping has always been a characteristic that has been associated with me. Most people you ask in my high school about how to describe me will say helpful, and the rest will say kind or that I always smile, which I do. I keep a positive attitude so it makes helping others much easier, even though if I didn’t have a positive attitude I would still help others any way I could. Being helpful is one of my traits, and I don’t think anything is going to change that for me, so I’m just going to keep being helpful for the rest of my life, cause personally, there’s no better way to live than a happy way.

Hi everyone!

Your second blog post will be due next Wednesday, October 8th at 11:59 pm.

For this assignment, you must do two things

1. Post your monologue

2. Attach a self portrait, which can be a photograph, an image, a cartoon, a drawing, or some other depiction of how you see yourself.

As a little bit of help for you, I am posting my monologue that I wrote my freshmen year here for you to read through and get an idea of what you want to write about. It can be anything, so be creative! Make it as funny or as serious as you want.

I am a multiracial individual. A product of two cultures from two different countries located on different sides of the planet. And I love it. I wouldn’t trade my heritage for anything.
I am a Japanese Irish American. A mix I have found that a lot of people are surprised by. But it’s the only thing I’ve ever known, and coming from a home that had two cultures present, I learned to appreciate the different cultures out there. I have always been fascinated by culture, and not just my own. As a small child, I would beg my grandmother to tell me stories about her childhood in Japan, or to teach me the language. Her childhood stories painted a vivid picture of Japan during World War two. Her house was a museum to me. It was filled with things from Japan, from little origami animals to statues or other pieces of art. And despite my constant pleading to be taught Japanese, she never tried to probably because she didn’t think I had a use for it. I never met my family from Japan because my grandmother was the only person who immigrated here. My grandmother and my mother are my only connections to my Japanese heritage.
My Irish grandmother passed away when I was very young so I never really knew her. But I have so many family members from Ireland living here that I learned much from them. My religion comes from my Irish side, I am a Roman Catholic. I value the morality I have gained from being raised a Catholic.
Being multiracial has taught me so much. One of the main things it has taught me is that race doesn’t matter, and that’s because I could never associate with one race. Whenever I have had to chose my race and I am only allowed to pick one I always select “other.”
Sometimes I find it surprising that even in the twenty first century it is still rare to find multiracial individuals. Coming from a small high school, and an even smaller grammar school I was excited to come to Baruch because of how diverse it is.