Author: vg167241

I guess the fact that I have to write my first blog post right now, when it was due February 11^th, supports my picture describing my first few months at Baruch. The only word I can think of is procrastination. I didn’t realize how challenging of a school Baruch was until I got to Pre Calc. It’s f*cking terrible, just like most of the courses I am taking. My main problem is that I cannot stay motivated to do anything. I will realize that I am slacking and try to get a grip on things. Then I get home and see my bed again. I repeat, and then I get home and see my bed again. That’s the worst thing that can possibly happen. I don’t get out of it. On the weekends, I don’t get out of it. While lying in bed, I sometimes even get visuals of how I should be at my laptop writing my next paper. But my bed tells me that working on it tomorrow is a better choice. Tomorrow comes and my bed speaks to me once again. I push my paper back to the next day. And just as you can expect, my paper is yet to be done and due in 2 days (my current situation).  Yes, as I write this I am having an anxiety attack on how I can possibly finish all this work before Wednesday. But I guess I will just have to figure it out. So to wrap up this post, I can definitely come to the conclusion that my first few months at Baruch have been extremely stressful due to my lack of work ethic. I completely messed up my first semester. “Don’t put off until tomorrow, what can be done today.”

“Veronica, you have to be faster than that.”

“Veronica, that coach said you looked better last year.”

“Veronica, why are you so slow, it’s not that hard. Try being more like her.”

Now, you can take what I’ve just said and think nothing of it. Most people would just think it is a weird way to encouragement someone. However, when you consistently hear things like this, it takes a huge toll. You dedicate your life to something, expecting it to benefit you mentally, emotionally, and physically, and more importantly, to benefit your life for the future. I am tired of being told I can’t do something. I am tired of being compared to another person.  And most importantly, I am tired of being called “big.” When people say these things to me, I dwell on it and usually stay up most of the night crying. I ask myself if I am just being too sensitive, but than again who else gets to hear this every day? I recently found a way to focus my anger and depression on something else. It is called motivation. I am motivated to improve myself for the better. In life, you have to accept what you can’t change, and change what you can’t accept. I cannot wait to see the looks on everyone’s faces when I come back in August a different person. I will make them regret what they have said.

 

The most important rule in your life is to never let anyone diminish your dreams and tell you that you aren’t capable of doing something. They are wrong.

By: Veronica Ganzi

How I See Myself – Veronica Ganzi