Dear immigrant parents,

Your children are referred to as second-generation immigrants, meaning that despite the fact that they have U.S. birth certificates, they still have this “immigrant” label lingering over them. There’s no doubt that your children are extremely grateful for everything you’ve done in an attempt to provide a better life for them. To give up everything and settle in a new country where unfamiliarity awaits with societal judgment and language barriers is undeniably challenging. Being able to manage and overcome it all, in the hopes of you and your children achieving the American Dream is truly admirable. The desire you have to see them going to top tier universities, working white-collar jobs, and succeeding in life is understandable from your perspective, but have you considered it from theirs? As the daughter of two immigrant parents who arrived in America as teenagers, I recognize that the difficulties faced by my immigrant parents at age 18 is quite the contrast from what I, a second generation immigrant, encounter at 18. Nevertheless, the validity of both yours and your children’s struggles remains unchanged. Thus I ask, how do the difficulties faced by second generation immigrants affect their mental health with the addition of pressure exerted by you, their parents?

One of the main sources of pressure lies in the education system that touches upon socioeconomic disparities faced by immigrant families. Many children that attend public schools are lower or middle class, and many of them come from an immigrant family who work blue-collar jobs. The public education system is severely lacking in funding since the federal government believes the U.S. military requires 4 times more funding than the education of the American youth who, as a result, must contend with limited resources and opportunities. According to USAspending.gov, of the $9.2 trillion budget for 2023, 3.2% of it goes towards “Education, Training, Employment, and Social Services” and 85% of that goes towards education equating it to 2.72%. The struggle to gain admission to top-tier universities becomes not only a battle against fellow classmates but also against a system that inherently favors their counterparts who’ve gone to private schools with access to better educational resources. There are a select few of them who do end up being fortunate enough to accomplish the great feat of attending prestigious universities. However, many of them do not and their worth should not be valued at what institution they attend. This often sets a precedent of comparison amongst second generation children by their parents of which of their children are worthier. Other children of immigrants that were given the same amount of resources as them that were able gain admission to top-tier universities must somehow mean that the rest of them didn’t try hard enough, didn’t win enough awards, and didn’t do enough extracurriculars. 

Author Karla Cornejo Villaviencio is the child of undocumented immigrant parents who openly shares her experiences in her books and essays. In her personal narrative in The New Yorker, Villaviencio said something that struck me like knives, “We spend the rest of that life figuring out how much of our flesh will pay off the debt,” which vividly captures the emotional and psychological weight that many children of immigrants carry. This debt she speaks of is not financial, but a complex combination of familial expectations, societal pressures, and the desire to succeed against all odds. It reflects a shared sentiment among your children that their worth is often measured by their ability to overcome challenges and provide for you as their parents. Villaviencio accomplished a lot as the child of undocumented immigrants, she graduated from Harvard, and has a multitude of achievements as a writer. Despite this, she still feels a great burden upon her that involves providing for her immigrant parents, and this burden is fueled by a sense of guilt that is common amongst your children. No child should feel that they owe their parents anything other than their happiness. To the extent that many of them feel that they owe such a great portion of their lives comparable to their flesh to you, should raise a concern of the pressures they face. 

The counterparts of your children with U.S. native parents do not carry the same weight of burden that translates into choosing careers with a stable income, resulting in them being stuck at a dead-end white collar job instead of doing what excites and motivates them. There are career paths in arts and sciences that they’ve chosen not to pursue because they wouldn’t make enough to support both themselves and you. The pressures stemming from the education system and the subsequent challenges faced by your children highlight the need for systemic changes in education funding to provide greater equality in resources and opportunities, and in societal perceptions and expectations of what’s considered success. Your goal should be to create an environment where your children can pursue their passions and define success on their terms without feeling an overwhelming burden to sacrifice their mental and physical well-being in the process.

Immigrant children also grapple with the intricate challenge of biculturalism, which is, according to Nicole Pelmeri in her research paper, the “double-consciousness feeling that they are simultaneously members of both cultures, yet do not fully belong to either one.” On the surface, biculturalism presents advantages such as exposure to diverse traditions, languages, and perspectives but it often gives rise to an identity crisis and psychological distress among second-generation immigrants. Your children face criticism for stepping outside the bounds of what’s normally acceptable in their heritage culture but also face criticism for staying within the bounds as Americans. They have to juggle between two cultures, both of which demand a distinct set of norms, values, and behaviors. My personal journey as a Chinese-American exemplifies the complexities of this struggle. Over time, I found myself gradually speaking less of my mother tongue, leading to a diminishing confidence in my linguistic abilities. This linguistic shift highlights a common occurrence where the demands of assimilation can erode the proficiency in one’s native language. This can create a gap in the connection to cultural roots and struggle in communicating to family members who are not proficient in English. I also have this internal battle of feeling too “Chinese” for my American peers yet too “American” for my Chinese peers. This acts as a stressor as the navigation of balancing yet embracing both cultures can be difficult to adjust to. Your children fear losing a crucial part of their identity to assimilation of American culture but are pressured into assimilation as a means to access greater opportunities and societal acceptance in America. 

These pressures and difficulties your children face are often internalized, which is why you don’t see what they are struggling with. This is done out of fear that you would overlook mental health issues and ignore the problem as you believe it’s something made up by your children to seek attention. This is not always the case, so I plead with you to believe your children when they’re opening up to you about the difficulties they’re facing. Communication is the most crucial part of any relationship, especially one with your children. I for one know how difficult it is to open up to such a vulnerable aspect of yourself, and having it be shut down can cause your children to stop seeking help from you altogether. This can create a loss in connection to your children where you feel a part of them is hidden from you. It takes a great deal of bravery from your children to open up about their vulnerabilities, so don’t ignore it.

To judge your child’s life and difficulties in America based on your life in your home country is called a “dual frame of reference,” a term used by Stanford’s sociology professor, Tomás R. Jiménez. This is used as a method to invalidate your children’s struggles in anyways by using your trauma and difficulties as comparison. The struggles of your children in the U.S. are vastly different from what you’ve experienced in your home country. You grew up in a country surrounded by people of similar ethnic backgrounds while the U.S. is made up of a wide range of people of all backgrounds. The systemic oppression in America is deeply complex and runs deep in the country’s history from slavery to discriminatory laws, all of which have caused the pain and suffering of ethnic minorities. Although they haven’t faced any physical barriers involving border crossing, there are different kinds of barriers in education and the workforce they must face in the United States that children of U.S. natives don’t. They’re like rabbits in the woods all alone, waiting to be preyed on. They have to craft their own path without the guidance of parents who can provide them with knowledge from their experiences, and the obstacles they face on this path can cause multitudes of mental health issues.

Mental health is the well-being of an individual in terms of their emotional, social, and psychological state. It has large effects on the way an individual behaves and reacts to stress. Mental health is an issue amongst second generation immigrants that’s largely ignored for multiple reasons. There’s cultural stigma surrounding mental health in many cultures causing you to disregard the issue. It may also be seen as a sign of weakness, causing shame for your family. This is out of fear of being judged in your tight-knit communities for having children that are out of the social norm. The image of having the best and most successful children is all that you want to present to the world as a way of showing them you’ve achieved the American Dream, but your pride and dignity is causing severe damage to your children. To not address the issue, is to cause a positive feedback loop where their mental health further regresses, leading to irreversible consequences. Apologies for bringing up the taboo topic but the rate of attempted suicides are much higher amongst second generation immigrants along with substance use like alcohol and marajuana. It takes bravery and empathy to openly address mental health issues, and to get your children the help they deserve shows them you care more about your children than what society thinks of you and your family. 

Nicole Clark, another accomplished author of second-generation immigrant background, includes in her piece in the Vice many second-generation immigrant’s anecdotes about their mental health struggles and I’d like to highlight Sara’s. Sara discusses how her mental health has been an issue since she was as young as ten years old, which is the age of a 5th grader. Children of all ages can suffer from emotional distress through their experiences in society where they’re treated poorly, and to withhold a vital resource such as therapy is to actively ignore your children from receiving the help they need. There’s also a large barrier in the United States for your children to receive the help they need with “23% of lawfully present immigrants and 45% of undocumented immigrants” not having health insurance. Although this statistic doesn’t represent second-generation immigrants, it represents their parents and other family members who don’t have access to health insurance, making it highly likely that they also don’t. This restricts access for them to receive any kind of therapy without having to pay high prices out-of-pocket. The cost of healthcare in the United States is a major problem compared to other developed nations like Canada and Australia that have universal healthcare. However, the U.S. still has public assistance programs for free and low cost health insurance for lower income families. There are more white people utilizing mental health resources with “Black and Hispanic Americans at half the rate of white Americans, and Asian Americans at one third the rate”. This could be due to many reasons like the cultural stigma surrounding it, the cost, and also the lack of non-white therapists as only 16% of the psychology workforce is made up of ethnic minorities. To express one’s trauma and other mental health issues that pertain to one’s identity in aspects such as race or if they’re a child of immigrants, requires empathy that can be gained more authentically through a mental health professional of similar background. This increases your children’s comfort level while expressing vulnerable issues. Make it a point to find your children a therapist that they can connect to and allow themselves to be vulnerable as it can help them in tremendous ways to learn and express themselves. 

Addressing and accessing mental health needs is critical in maintaining the health of your children. Do not underestimate the severity of the issue, but instead seek to understand from their perspectives. The difficulties and immense pressures that have been placed on your children have had a grave impact on their mental well-being so lessen it with more words of encouragement and affection. I implore you to prioritize their mental health by fostering open communication, breaking cultural taboos, and seeking available resources. Communication between you and your children that acknowledges the unique challenges they face as second-generation immigrants is the first step towards creating a supportive environment. By understanding and addressing the complex challenges they encounter, you contribute to building a future where they can pursue their passions, define success on their terms, and thrive without compromising their mental and physical well-being.

Sincerely, 

Laura Wang