Anastasia Rudchuk
English 2150 T/R
Professor Ding
22 Sep. 2023
My music teachers simply demanded perfection from me. Every. Single. One of them. My piano teacher assigned very difficult pieces for me to learn throughout the year, and my chamber music teacher was a strict one this time around. On top of that, school was putting immense pressure on me because my first regents exams loomed overhead. I sat in my room, looking at the red, autumn leaves, thinking about all of this work. Then I tried to not think because it would overwhelm me even more. I decided to not stress about it too much, and thought that I would figure it out along the way. I turned out to be partially right.
My daily routine became so mundane. First school, then go to piano and chamber clases once a week, then do homework on the train, and then spend the rest of my time practicing for my music lessons. I could not seem to catch a break; ever. I don’t remember having any time for myself; I was always running around doing things. The work piled up even more, even though I met school deadlines at the expense of my own sleep. What happened behind school doors is a whole other story, and that story was also a big stress factor during that year. But anyway, the work felt never ending. My teachers would load up in work, and I would submit it, and then they loaded up even more. My piano teacher was really understanding about everything, and she knew that when I had the time, I would adequately fix everything that she had instructed me to correct.
My chamber music teacher, however, was tough and persistent. She was on my case through and through, and never gave up. At one point, I just didn’t have any more time to learn her pieces, and she became very angry with me. I tried to explain to her that I would do everything she tells me to, but she would not budge. What did make my chamber music teacher see through her own anger, though, was when I played at a recital for my piano teacher that she was attending as well. According to her, I played well and she even commended me on it, which felt like a ray of sunshine had just been cast down on me through the clouds of stress. From that moment on, she started believing me that I would do everything she told me, but an idea dawned on me: I needed to create a plan for myself. I couldn’t let my teacher’s praise just be empty words that will never be fulfilled again. I had to map out all of my responsibilities so that I could make all my teachers proud of me, and have some peace of mind. I had to figure out a way to get all my work done, but also do it well. I remembered that my piano teacher always said that I can spend more time learning something new now, but I would save time in the future because I already learned it well the first time. So I decided to do just that: I would set aside time for myself to learn my pieces in little increments and repeatedly play those increments so that they will be driven to perfection.
At first, all of this repetition seemed like it would take a long time, but I was actually surprised at how smoothly everything went. I would sit at the piano, playing for 2 hours a day as usual, but I was committing everything to memory much more quickly. I would sit down and try to play the same excerpt the next day, 3 days after that, a week after, and I still knew it as well as I did the first time. My piano teacher was right, I did end up saving time for myself in the long run. My method proved to be true because my chamber music teacher was finally happy. At last she was satisfied and our group was the only one that got selected to play at the music school’s open house, and have our interviews taken on stage by the director. At the very end of the school year, my chamber music teacher asked my group to perform at her recital for her private students, to show what hard work can achieve and sound like. Hearing her words of praise felt so rewarding and relieving. Apart from her class, I also used my technique for my private piano lessons and school work. It was also proven successful there. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a greater sense of accomplishment than I did this year. I learned an important lesson, and it was one that I could use to ensure that something like the stress of this year could be avoided in the future.
I like how you get right into the story, but then again, the absence of an introduction could be why you’re short on words. Perhaps just adding that would get you there or at least close to there. I also do think that the closing paragraph should be split into two to put a bigger focus on your teachable moment. That, however, isn’t explicitly stated, but maybe that’s an effective choice, so that you don’t repeat yourself. But then again, repeating or rewording would also raise your word count and well, I’m sure that most people have been taught to repeat points at the end of an essay anyway. I don’t have much say beyond that other than I appreciate how easy this is to read through. I will say that it appears that the way others are going about this is by adding dialogue to certain moments as well as inner thinking. If you do the same, you not only can up your word count, but also bring more attention to certain moments if there are certain ones in the timeline that you deem are that important and of course the most important of all is when you were let in on the time management strategy. I mean, I didn’t use dialogue in mine because I wouldn’t remember exact words that I or anyone else involved said nor do I feel like making up any and I certainly don’t expect you to remember exact words, but it’s still just something to think about.
Anastasia I wanna start off by saying I enjoyed your essay. I think that the way you explained your dilemma was spot on. I do think that there is some room for improvement. I think that you should use more imagery when describing your teacher. Maybe try to get the reader to feel the emotions you did when your teachers were putting pressure on you. For instance if they yelled describe how they did it. And I noticed that you’re telling most of the story. Maybe try to add some dialogue so we can have a better picture of the teacher’s anger. I also noticed some unnecessary repetition in the second and third paragraph. Maybe try to find a way to condense that. Also just a suggestion maybe add some things that are happening in your life because of this dilemma it can allow the readers to understand why it is such a big issue. Overall this was a great essay just needs some tweaks to make it an excellent essay
I enjoyed reading your draft! It was very engaging and the introduction caught my attention to read further on. I think it could improve a little bit, as you could have use figurative language, like more imagery. Also more details on how you were feeling with your teacher. I think if you added dialogue form your teacher would have shown more. I can point out your teachable moment and lead, which you made very clear. I liked how you mentioned what you learned from it and how you never want to do that in the future again. Your ending of your paragraph was wrapped up great.
I liked the introduction, it draws the reader into wanting to read more, but I also do agree with Gabriel, I think, adding a few sentences in the intro would help with your story, maybe describing the setting as well. I would also like to make a suggestion; possible in the fourth paragraph it can use more imagery, maybe more detail about how you were feeling in that moment, to let the readers know and try to experience that moment with you. I also want to mention that the ending wraps up your lesson really well. Overall, it is clear to me what the lead is. I really do think this was a good first draft.