Think about the first person you would run to if you were to encounter a problem. It may be a family member, or it may be a friend. For me, it was my best friend: we have been friends for thirteen years and counting. However, the “best” of the friendship is meant to last forever.
We were stuck to each other, not being able to last more than two weeks away from each other.
This friendship was one not only known to the two of us, but to everyone around us:
“Sorry, I might have to cancel today.”
“Oh is she calling you out to hang again…?”
“Yeah, gotta go now!”
“Who are you going out with?”
“Her.”
“Are you coming home to eat?”
“No, I’m eating with her.”
“Why are you out so late?”
“Wanna take a guess?”
“Her.”
And just like that, I was answering “Her” left and right with no hesitation.
Long story short, we were addicted to each other. Well, at least I know I was addicted to her.
I was conscious that I was putting everything I had into her: my money, my trust, my time, my mental stability. Everyone around me addressed me as her lover who would drop everything to be with her. The sidewalk rule, frequent surprise gifts, her going home first, lending and giving her money without hesitation upon request, you name it. Anything you can think of when you hear “boyfriend,” I’ve done it for her. My parents were well aware as well, better than anyone else.
Her 12th birthday was approaching.
“Dad, can I get her AirPods?”
“You’re getting her a $120 gift?”
“Yes, of course.”
“No.”
My parents and I got into a heated argument that day.
They always ended with one sentence: “Don’t trust everything you see, even talk looks like sugar.”
I’ve always fired back with: “Are you seriously saying she’s gonna stab me in the back?”
It was left at that.
My craving for this friendship has been a small voice behind my every move.
Summer 2022.
Quarantine babied my craving and my addiction worsened. Fresh out of quarantine, she shifted her focus: her first real crush that seemed to show the same interest towards her. They never came to be. He did irreversible damage. She entered her first heartbreak. She dropped everything else. Subconsciously, I dropped everything. Compensation was all I could do; compensation for the harm I never inflicted. More time. More money. This became the norm.
Fall 2022.
It was our senior year. It was her first relationship. I had my second real crush. College app time. Up at 5:30 am, going to high schools in the Bronx and Brooklyn. Fall asleep in all classes. In the Flushing Queens Library at 5:30 pm, I grinded for her personal statement while she finished up her homework. My wallet paid for our dinners. Home at 10 pm at the earliest. Up till 3 am on my homework grind. Repeat.
Spring 2023.
She had broken up and was left with emotional trauma. She had been engulfed by her trauma and put her everything on top; I wasn’t included. I had a new role: her emotional trash can. I was only able to slip in a few of my struggles, but her struggles were pushed over mine. My effort was invalidated. I was alone. My struggles didn’t matter. It was her conversation now. My conversation turned into replies. Her conversations turned into silence in front of me and became someone else’s. My corked, full bottle with nowhere to release.
Summer 2023.
Daily texts became every-other-day texts. Every-other-day texts became weekly texts. My craving kicked in. I needed her presence. My withdrawal symptoms swallowed me: sleepless nights, insecurity, isolation, begging for her to come back. No sense of time, only a sense of hope. Clutching onto my phone, tapping and dialing tirelessly. One ring, two rings, three rings, four. A week felt like years.
My close friend snatched my phone and shook me. They held my hands, yelling at me to think straight, look straight. I crumbled, unable to recall anything. They held me again, pleading me to think things through. I have never questioned her effort but piled everything onto myself. I had nowhere to go. One by one, my struggles unfolded. This close friend was the person next to me through every moment, supporting me without me coming to notice it. My mind cleared a space I was able to work with.
Conversation after conversation. Reply after reply. There was nothing left for me to do in this friendship. I crumbled under the constantly rising expectations. Her ideal “boyfriend” isn’t a part of me anymore. I had no vision left for her as a best friend. My realization had hit. Her expectations will be kept as her expectations that she will never come to realize. My one-sided input was out of moderation. My side of the seesaw sank to the ground as hers flew to the sky. Many of my eggs in the basket I handed to her dropped to the ground. It should never have been all-in.
Hi Tina,
I’d characterize your narrative piece as a drama, there’s some drama between you and your best friend. I like how your essay guides the readers through a timeline of your friendship and how it seemingly fell apart. We can see your love and appreciation for your friend, but I think it’s important to go further into depth about the drift and expand on the particular moment where you realized that your friendship was going downhill. Perhaps it could be the first time that her texting made you feel like you weren’t her priority. You could talk about what you felt in that moment, like if you tried brushing it off as a one time thing but as time went on, you see that it became frequent. I think there’s much room for opportunities to use literary devices to compare the drifting of your friendship to a bigger idea, helping readers visualize. The shape of your story focuses on the rising action a lot, if possible, I think you should emphasize your climax more. Dramatize the turning point of your friendship, like maybe how you were getting fed up with the way you were treated and tried reaching out to her but that failed. Your resolution can also be expanded upon, something like making new friends or rekindling your friendship. The flow of your essay feels stretched out, there are instances where things can be removed or shortened, unless the feeling of slowness is what you want to convey to your readers. Lastly, there’s an opportunity to include dialogue between you and your friend.
Thank you for sharing the story of your friendship, it’s a beautiful friendship you guys shared and I hope it lasts for a long time.
Hey Tina,
Thanks for sharing your essay. I notice that your essay leans on dramatic narration, especially with the conflict between the narrator and the best friend.
The shape of the essay makes sense, and the beats are clear, with the climax being the close friend bringing the narrator back to reality and an emphasis on the rising action. The tension between the narrator and the best friend is constantly built up until the climax.
The lede is clear: in the introduction, you present a relationship, as well as insinuate that the relationship may go through issues. This expectation becomes fulfilled in the rest of the story.
I find that the narrative flow makes sense and is very straightforward. It would be a good idea to incorporate a symbol of this friendship throughout the story. You use many metaphors to describe the narrator’s feelings as the story progresses, and I feel that while this is good, it could be better served with a symbol. Perhaps something like that has to do with fickleness or something that wears down slowly but surely.
You could expand more on the falling action with how the conflict became resolved. There is already a lot of information surrounding the buildup of the relationship with the best friend, but there doesn’t seem to be enough about the close friend and the resolution.
I would personally try to condense the conversation between the family members into a description. To me, it takes away from the dialogue right before it.
I don’t have any grammatical concerns, but there are some lines that need clarification and/or cleaning:
1. “However, the ‘best’ of the friendship is meant to last forever.”
I’m not sure what this means. It seems contradictory to the falling out section at the end of your story. Even if it was suggested that there was no fallout, this sentence is still hard to decipher.
2. “I have never questioned her effort but piled everything onto myself.”
It’s not very clear what you’re trying to say here, but I assume you’re trying to say that the narrator welcomed the close friend’s efforts to bring her back to reality but continued to take fault or guilt from the best friend’s situation and their own.
In general, this is a solid essay. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
Jacey Ngo
[email protected]
Hi Tina,
Thank you for sharing. I found myself engaged while reading the entire narrative. I believe your piece is a dramatic narrative, focusing a lot on the conflict between you and your friend. The structure is easy to follow, with emphasis on the rising action. The tension between the narrator and the friend is well developed and easy to grasp. I really like the actual use of months to make the progression of events. Following this structure, I think before you get to the part saying “Her 12th birthday was approaching,” you could add the month and year that this happened.
One thing I think that could make your story even better would be describing certain things. For example, in the “Summer 2023” part you mention sleepless nights, insecurity, isolation, etc, I would’ve loved to see that fully described. What do sleepless nights look like? Did it change your eating habits or the color in your face? Throwing in more descriptions throughout these parts will allow us to feel with the narrator. I also think that the second to last paragraph would be more powerful if there was dialogue. I would’ve loved to actually see what your other friend said to you, that way readers are more submersed in your story. Or including dialogue between the narrator and her best friend would depict the toxicity of the friendship too. I think developing the idea of your other friend would be helpful. You mention how this friend was next to you through every moment, but she’s only introduced towards the end. Including parts about this friend throughout the entire story could widen the gap between the toxic behavior of your best friend and this one, thus deepening your message of “never being all-in.”
Also, I know you said that you might add a part about how you’re still friends with this person, but I think adding that would make it harder to understand the message you got from this teachable moment. So I suggest not doing that.
Thank you again for sharing this story!
Naomi Guerrier