https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/general/what-is-the-real-definition-of-a-true-friend/

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/23/t-magazine/friendships-social-media.html: Assignment #2 Draft

A long-lasting supportive relationship between two people, a connection that brings them closer than any of the people around them. A close friendship. Is this a true friendship though? A true friendship should make one feel differences internally and externally. The internal differences should be able to spark new ideas and see old things in a new light. External differences are a little different though. They fall more into being able to strive for a better quality of life and feel comfort in being able to continue walking toward the journey ahead. Should this true friendship never break off? Should this true friendship strive solely for dependency? What is true friendship?

Andrew O’Hagan’s “Reflections on True Friendships” and BetterHelp’s “What Is The Real Definition Of A True Friend?” each give their take on the definition of a true friendship and its supposed effects on a person. Andrew O’Hagan is a writer for the New York Times Style Magazine. O’Hagan draws the spotlight to the importance of undocumented friendships. BetterHelp is an online mental health platform that offers counseling and therapy services through digital interactions like texts and calls. BetterHelp’s editorial team put together the advice webpage “What Is The Real Definition Of A True Friend?”, which was also medically reviewed by Paige Henry, LMSW, J.D., a licensed clinical social worker. This article focused on the visible benefits of a true friendship and what to take away from one. Through different rhetorical strategies, each author explores the boundaries between different friendship hierarchies and what ultimately makes a true friendship “true.”

The first key difference between the two is the lede of their articles, both present at the beginning of their pieces. O’Hagan started with the questions “Is childhood the golden era of friendship? And can you get those relationships back?” This sets the stage with the suggestion that maybe a true friend doesn’t always happen to stay. O’Hagan then followed up with “…I realized the title alone summons the unspoken bond, the constant availability, the relentless promise that friendship is when you are 12,” and the introduction of a friend he made at that age, Mark MacDonald. This sets up O’Hagan’s piece to be a memory jog, a flashback, and not an informational piece of what a true friend is supposed to be like. On the other hand, BetterHelp’s lede was a straightforward one. The first sentence wrote, “True friends are usually those who offer you support, improve your quality of life, promote self-confidence, provide honesty and unconditional love, and help you progress mentally.” Here, there’s not much of an expectation of dramatic progression; it seemed more like a simply informative piece. It felt like the result of the Google search of “What is a true friend?” Their ledes each seemed to have a different purpose. O’Hagan seemed to lean more toward logos, but BetterHealth seemed to lean more toward ethos. O’Hagan’s set the expectation of the story of a one-of-a-kind childhood friendship, one that would aim to build the foundation of O-Hagan’s argument. However, BetterHealth’s straightforward start with the definition of a true friend set the dynamic to be according to a medical professional, more on establishing authority.

The next key component was where and how they chose to put the definition of a true friend. O’Hagan never explicitly put a definition of a true friend; he never wrote “A true friend should…”. His stance was structured so that snippets of his argument of the importance and definition of a true friend were scattered throughout the article, creating the sense of a more loaded definition of a true friend. The transitions between O’Hagan’s flashbacks with Mark MacDonald and the discussion of how “true” a friend can be with the incorporation of modern-day technology and social media created a relationship between his anecdotes and his argument. It was almost as if O’Hagan’s anecdotes were supporting his argument. “…he was often in hospital, and we’d write to each other planning our adventures for the summer. He told me I was a good writer and I told him he was a great painter before we disappeared from each other’s lives. I haven’t seen him in 30 years.” This mention of time and specific interactions between O’Hagan and MacDonald seemed to be leading to one part of his definition of a true friend: a true friendship is sometimes undocumented and comes rolling back at the most unexpected times. The mention of “30 years” emphasized the fact that not only can a true friendship sometimes come to an end without closure, but also the effects of that friendship should be lifelong to the point of growth. This is a continuation of O’Hagan’s attempt at logos, using his anecdotes as evidence of the definition and development of a true friendship at work. BetterHelp had their definition of a true friend on top followed by a list of benefits of a true friendship. That list is exactly the list in the definition of a true friend, making it fit perfectly into the expectations set. This was BetterHelp’s take on logos, creating a list as well as their descriptions of how to implement that specific benefit of a true friendship.

A third key difference present throughout both articles was their overall tones. O’Hagan’s mentions of a long-lost friend that lingers in his memories present a sentimental tone with the imagery of time and seasons: from playing at the playground with MacDonald to having his own daughter who is at the age of playing and having such friendships. O’Hagan had his sentences structured like “But sometimes in a dark hour I’ll look up and imagine I see him, not far distant, a living guarantee that there will always be someone in life who really knows who you are.” These structures generated the lingering feeling of connecting with an old friend and always holding them dear to the heart. Despite not keeping in touch, O’Hagan’s takeaway from his undocumented friendship with MacDonald lasted, tying it back to a true friendship should be a positive learning experience. O’Hagan’s sentimental diction generated an appeal to emotion, shedding light on his stance that a true friend may physically disappear, but there are snippets to look back upon and reflect upon. BetterHelp included relatively less emotional appeal. As the article is rigidly structured, it may be hard to feel an emotional appeal. As O’Hagan was sentimental, BetterHelp was there for advice and possibly encouragement. The logical structure of the list of benefits, foster and maintenance, and finally overcoming the challenges of finding true friends generated the idea of a how-to reference, essentially embodying the medical review mentioned below the title. It was more like talking to a professional and seeking advice rather than a story to tell and imagine, making it a drastically different rhetorical approach.

Lastly, O’Hagan and BetterHelp both set distinctions between close acquaintances and true friends, with analogies and cause-and-effect relationships respectively. O’Hagan used a global example of Facebook and its “friending” function. In this platform, the “friends” are sectioned into “close friends,” “acquaintances,” or even “unfriend.” O’Hagan mentioned that in this digital age, these actions are driven by self-advertising, essentially knowing everything that’s going on in their lives, but clueless about anything in their hearts. O’Hagan then brings this back, saying that the modern view of friendships became so passive and functioning on the “instantaneous, relentless nature of our communications.” O’Hagan is appealing to logic, showcasing that as the number of friendships of each person increases, the value of each decreases, but there will only be a select few that will come to linger. This follows his argument that a true friendship should be one that gives lessons forever referenced, even if they were undocumented. BetterHelp explicitly mentioned that true friends should be the ones willing to give their support no matter what, and someone to trust deep thoughts with. This mutual vulnerability is what makes a friendship true. However, BetterHelp continued to say finding true friends to build lasting relationships is the final goal of making a true friend. The arguments used in distinguishing a true friend from an acquaintance are the benefits of a true friend: mutual support, self-confidence, honesty, patience, unconditional love, and mental progress. BetterHelp’s presentation of this circle logic brings it back, making the argument complete and cohesive. From start to finish, the appeal to logic is present, smooth, and complete.

O’Hagan’s “Reflections on True Friendship” used more logic and emotional appeals to claim their stance that a true friendship is one that gives lessons and lingers, even if it is an undocumented friendship. His key rhetorical strategies of boundary distinctions, tone development, the implicit definition of a true friend, and the expectation of a dramatic story come together to root his stance. BetterHelp’s “What Is The Real Definition Of A True Friend?” used more logic and authority appeals to claim their stance that a true friendship should be one of long-lasting, mutual support and vulnerability. Their reliance on professional authority and circle logic create a cohesive foundation for their stance.