In the final draft, I want you to write to the class as your audience and I want you to do that with two related forms in mind:
- the genre of the blog post/online article
- the medium of online writing
This form of writing assumes a stance of entertaining while also informing readers. So how can you both entertain us by making it clear there is something interesting about your analysis but also inform us about something meaningful about it?
Consider the following characteristics:
- The way you open your piece (how do you grab interest?)
- your thesis statement (how do you make clear what argument is about?)
- the title of your piece (how do you grab attention while still being truthful?)
- how you hyperlink to other information (how do you provide access to sources that inform your writing?)
- how you incorporate visuals throughout the piece (what would be relevant to what you are writing about but also nicely positioned to break up the writing for keeping interest?)
- paragraphing function and length (are your paragraphs clear on what you are doing in them? do you signal to your reader what they’ll be about and how they connect to other paragraphs? are they too long for reading experience of reading on screen?)
Here are some examples that you can use as models…take notes on them and see what you want to try to imitate in relation to above characteristics in your revision!:
Billy Bean article from FiveThirtyEight that we went over in class.
Review of Borat sequel on The Ringer (which also qualifies as a rhetorical analysis!)
After reviewing these characteristics, reviewing the four example posts/articles above, and looking through your rhetorical analysis draft, do the following:
- Choose a paragraph you’d like to revise
- Consider which characteristics of blogging and online writing from above that you’d like to apply to revising that paragraph
- Revise the paragraph
- Paste the paragraph into a comment below
- Write up a brief explanation of what you revised and why (no more than 100 words)
Comment below with #4 and #5 from above list!!!!!!
After commenting, click on the button below to continue:
We all know that the rise of social media has completely changed the way in which we view the world and other people. Whether it be through pictures of a family trip or a review on our favorite restaurant, we all have an impact when we use social media. This empowerment that social media is able to provide, allows us to feel wanted and to have a presence in platforms such as Instagram,Twitter and Facebook. There are many issues with how dependent our generation is becoming with social media as many mental illnesses are also on the rise such as depression and anxiety.
I have chosen to do an analysis of an episode of one of my favorite shows Black Mirror, focusing on the season three episode “Nosedive”. If you are someone who has never seen Black Mirror before, the main idea of the show is to show the impact of technology on society and to tell a story showing how the “Black Mirror” which in this case would be a device with a screen that is a mirror and we tend to look through it. All of us have definitely fallen into the black mirror, and this is all by design from the engineers who are paid to make sure we the consumer is always connected. How have we as a society allowed ourselves to fall so deep in technology? I will also be divulging into how the episode tends to use Pathos and Logos to connect with the audience.Technology has been able to provide the world with many benefits, but there are so many more negative effects that we may not yet fully understand.
One thing that I have done to these paragraphs is that I split them up into two more coherant ones. I have also added some hyperlinks, but they do not appear on this website. Im still working on how to get my point across with more evidence. though.
Juxtaposition also plays a significant part here. The woman is easily identified as a resisting force in the middle of universal conformity. The contrast is expressed excellently: Dullness vs vigor; blandness vs vibrance; lifelessness vs enthusiasm. This contrast allowed the audience to immediately associate Apple with the energetic woman, which was the point of this ad, to instill Apple’s good reputation in every viewer.
For this paragraph, I cut out a lot of useless words and sentences. What I ultimately want to achieve is just evidence, commentary, and analysis. I think that this paragraph is better now without the redundant commentary as well as the addition of an analysis that wraps it up.
There is no doubt that colorism and its effects on black women is real; I can certainly attest to this. Racist ideals have managed to disguise itself and wiggle its way into the black community. Because it is so deeply rooted and loud yet hidden, many people have a hard time acknowledging it. Although the movie Dreamgirls wasn’t real, the story and character Effie is. Black women get turned down, pushed aside, and demeaned all while still rooting for their lighter counterparts for the sake of supporting black excellence. If not from research, personal stories of black women validates colorism’s presence. Effects of colorism presents itself when a lighter black girl gets more like son TikTok or when the First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, gets called a monkey by other people in power. Beauty comes in all shades and that message needs to be enforced to the fullest in order to reverse or change the self hate that colorism created.
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What I really focused on changing is the tone of the paragraph. I added in the little part about me attesting to it and also gave examples towards the end just so the audience can visualize what I am talking about or even think about how they may see colorism and don’t even know it. I also might add links to articles explaining those examples like I saw in the Billy Bean article.
(Conclusion): The James Bond franchise, and more specifically, the latest James Bond film, Spectre, takes the audience on an adrenaline-inducing adventure. The storyline is extensive, spanning over the course of several decades. The creators of the film franchise know how to keep the audience at the edge of their seats. Throughout the entirety of the storyline, James accumulated countless inner demons that he is tasked with disposing of, in addition to several world-saving counter-terrorist missions brought on by MI6. James fights through all of his pain and suffering in order to save the world from the grasps of evil many times. The 007 film franchise is one of class and elegance that will continue to dominate the film industry for decades to come. Spectre, the latest addition to the 007 universe is no different. The playwrights and producers captivate the audience’s attention by playing on their emotions. The world cannot seem to get enough of James Bond’s adventures for good reason; I like most people am glad that the end to his story does not seem to be anywhere in sight.
– I did my best to change my wording to help add a sense of imagery to the text. I also slightly changed the sentence structure of certain sentences to give a more presentable/ scholarly feel to the conclusion of my paper.
Junipero appears to be a fun place to be, in the first scenes we see lots of young people hanging at clubs, drinking, and dancing; Belinda Carlisle – “Heaven is a place on earth” playing in the background. Yorkie, a young woman wearing glasses and a nerdy outfit, enters a club; she seems to be overwhelmed by the number of people, by the music, she seems to be restrained by herself. This is when she meets Kelly, an outgoing young woman looking to enjoy herself, she -like pretty much everyone except Yorkie- is dressing in a fashion typical of the ’80s.
In reality, San Junipero is not a real place, it is virtual reality. The purpose of San Junipero is a place for old people to upload their conscience before dying, virtual heaven, a supposed assurance of an afterlife. For the most part of the episode the audience is not aware of the situation, small hints are given but the characters refuse to speak of it as a simulation in a possible attempt to forget that what they are experiencing doesn’t belong to the real world, but to the hyperreality of San Junipero. In avoidance of real-world terms, they refer to those in the free weekly trial as “tourists” and those who have moved-in permanently as “locals”. Both Kelly and Yorkie are visitors, only allowed to log-in once a week.
I divided the paragraph into two and added an image of Yorkie and Kelly, but I don’t think it shows in the comment. I found one sentence that was kind of long and fixed it. there could still be more to do here.
One major aspect of New York City that makes it what it is, is its culture and the arts. Altucher points out that he “co-own a comedy club, Standup NY, on West 78th and Broadway.” He goes even further to talk about an occasion when someone famous showed up to his club: “One time, Henry Winkler stopped by to come on my podcast. He was the one who told me it had been a theater. He said, ‘I grew up two doors down from here and used to perform in here as a kid. Then I went out to LA to be the Fonz and now I’m back here, full circle, to be on your podcast. This place has history.’” This further develops the idea that Altucher is a relatable character. He moved to New York to find opportunity and pursue what he was passionate about – and he did just that. This is something that many people who either live in NYC or aspire to live there look at as an example of why the city is so wonderful; you can start with nothing and if you work hard, you can have anything you want. Altucher’s encounter also shows the reader that he can relate to the spontaneity that can only happen in NYC. Altucher does a great job at making his audience feel like he knows what he is talking about; living in the city for so long and his love for NYC puts the reader in a place where they actually want to listen to what he has to say about New York being “dead.”
For this paragraph, all of my evidence originally was just me explaining the authors background. This time, I decided to switch the evidence to be quotes from the article. I think this helped because it gave more specific examples to show that the author is relatable and credible.
In summary, the theatrical success of Get Out can be attributed to the fact that the producer took it upon himself to create a film that was not just entertaining but that tackled a real issue affecting millions of people from racial minority groups. To make his point, Peele utilizes the horror/psychological genre to bring out the idea that racism is horrendous to those who are affected besides being mentally draining to those who cannot wrap their heads around the idea that it is possible to manipulate individuals into assuming that they are not affected by negative racial occurrences. Alternatively stated, the genre that the producer chose is both frightening and disturbing to the audience who is then forced to confront the central theme of the racism. The first thing that the movie does is to express the explicit idea that racism is a very prevalent and enduring problem in America even though it is practiced subtly in some places and not in others. Chris’s ability to break free from hypnosis and his daring, violent escape in the end offers hope that it is possible to overcome racial white liberal racism and end its terrifying practices. The fact that the movie was written and produced by an African American director also adds to the credibility of the story being narrated and how it impacts the audience. Get Out thus remain one of the most pivotal conversation starters because it explores the whole spectrum of race and race relations while highlighting the consequences of prolonged or passive racism. I would definitely watch this movie again and again because every time I do so and analyze it, I realize something that I may have overlooked before regarding the psychological impact of racism.
For this paragraph, i decided to rearrange the sentences to make it more comprehensible because i noticed that the ideas were there but were badly jumbled up.
The movie Borg vs McEnroe is about so much more than tennis. It takes place in London during the 1980’s before the annual Wimbledon tennis tournament. That year was especially important because Borg would have a chance to set a new record, by winning his 5th Wimbledon in his career. The only thing that stood in his way was-McEnroe. Within the movie we see how it is about more than just tennis. The directors and writers purposely use many rhetorical lenses to help show us how Borg and McEnroe are very much alike and feel emotion.
In this paragraph I tried to make my writing more clear for the readers so they would understand the terms I use. Additionally, I gave my paragraph some extra details and words that make it more interesting. The goal of my revision in this paragraph was to catch the readers attention and help then understand what my analysis will be about.
When trying to persuade an audience, it is important to maintain an organized structure. The author here did a great job in showing somewhat of a timeline from the beginning to present day. She begins way back in the early 1800s when Charles Goodyear invented vulcanized rubber, which was then applied to the creation of a more durable shoe. She ends the text by showing that there is a variety when it comes to the type of sneaker we wear. In this situation, the lens of organization can be tied into the analysis as well because she organized the text to where each section would point out a different time of history. This helps the audience understand how sneakers have evolved over a long period of time in our culture. The author made the right choice in structuring her text this way because now the readers get a better understanding of information they most likely did not know prior to reading the text.
After rereading the original paragraph, I realized that I could have used better wording which flowed better. I feel like I structured the paragraph much better, which is ironic how I am talking about structure. I tried to include the author’s choice more and the impact it had on how the audience saw the text.
In a blog post by Frank South, a man living with ADHD, he says that living with the disorder is like having “a hurricane in his head”. In this post, he explains how disorganized his thoughts can be and how difficult it is to focus on solitary ideas. “When someone asks you something, and you realize that even if you stay stone still, dead center, you can’t trust your answer, because you’ve been so focused on not getting sucked in, you haven’t heard much besides the roar in your head. You get better with the balance as time goes on, and you get by, even do well. But the hurricane never goes away. ” Later, he interestingly brings up his motive to write the post. A tornado that missed their house reminded Frank of how it felt inside his head.
The subject of the song may be experiencing a similar instability. We can see this from a line in the chorus – “Somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep, disorder, disorder, disorder”. The subject is clearly not at peace here, but there is one word that sticks out to me – “between”. Why are “silence” and “sleep” apart from each other and why is disorder in between them? From the CDC website, one of the common side effects of ADHD medication is trouble sleeping. In this short and brilliant lyric, we can now see the amazing paradox that is eating away at the subject. He feels that he must choose between taking the medicine (as a reprieve from the “noise” of the ADHD storm) and having restful sleep (which brings on its own issues).
I added a quote from the blog post and expanded the explanation a bit. I also broke this larger paragraph into two because they seem not closely related at first but I try to tie in the established storm metaphor at the end of the second one.
In the Muslim world, there are many women, but Benazir Bhutto was one of the first to shine. She fought for democracy and became the first female Muslim prime minister. She broke all barriers. This doesn’t mean that other women of her time were not brave. It just means that she dared to embrace the truth, voice it, and fight for it. Bhutto’s primary struggle was against the military-regimes of General Zia-Ul-Haq and General Pervez Musharraf.
As a woman who spent her life fighting against oppressive male dictators, one of Bhutto’s most powerful speeches was “Male Dominance of Women” orated during the 1995 United Nations Conference on Women in Beijing. The Conference on Women marked a significant turning point for the global agenda for gender equality. Bhutto seized the opportunity of speaking to a diverse audience of government delegate, NGO representatives, civil servants, and the media regarding the injustice women faced. She used multiple rhetorical techniques to showcase the problems women encountered and the solution to those problems. Bhutto’s speech serves as a timeless and empowering piece of rhetoric for women’s rights.
After rereading the original paragraph I noticed that my paragraphs are very dense and long. Blog posts are often structured so they don’t look as intimidating to the reader. I also tried to rearrange certain sentences.