I had a similar experience as described in ‘Shitty first drafts’ while writing this post. I jot all my initial reactions down on paper while reading, anything that sticks out to me, anything with substance, that I could squeeze things out of. The first draft is meant to release all possible ideas. A sort of ‘what is the first thing that pops into your head when you hear….’ situation. It is your knee jerk reaction to what you are writing or thinking about, your first impression. As we know by experience first impressions are not always correct; but unfortunately in life we often do not put much thought into the people we met thereafter. We do not go about analyzing any given acquaintance we make, trying to uncover their true selves, like we do with a piece of literature, or a review.
When I start out attempting to write a piece I am quite nervous about not being able to come up with anything, with underwriting, and having to come up with rubbish to extend it. However, in reality I find that I often overwrite, and quite a few things don’t make the cut in the final edition. I would liken writing a first draft and turning it into a final draft to taking an abstract painting and turning it into a portrait. There is a mix of emotion, disorganized, with no real form, but a certain sense of beauty and art and appreciation found within a shitty first draft. What I often find most difficult in revising is the condensation. How do I shorten this piece, and cut some lines, yet still keep the main idea, still convey the message, still make my voice cut through? A rough draft is you, uncensored. The author’s recurring fear of someone finding her first draft and reading it is due to the scary thought of letting someone see you uncensored. It is human nature, it is vulnerability.