Dear Viewers,

As you may know, today was supposed to be the first Guillotine Ceremony of our little game. Mr. Melville, as Head Thinker, was tasked with choosing two of his fellow HouseAuthors to be put up for decapitation. When it came time for the ceremony, however, Mr. Melville locked himself in his room, and refused to come out to fulfill his obligations as Head Thinker. No matter what the HouseAuthors said to him, all Mr. Melville responded with was “I’d prefer not to.” We are currently dealing with the situation as we speak, but our producers believe it is in everyone’s best interests if the ceremony is postponed until tomorrow afternoon.

Fret not, faithful viewers! Once reason reaches Mr. Melville’s ears, the game shall be back even bigger and better than before!