Half of the group at Bowlmor Lanes in Times Square.
Guy Social is a start-up company that hosts a variety of events that range from a more intimate Movie & Dinner night to, what they call, a three hour Gayzer Tag. With their motto being “Stash your apps, let’s GET SOCIAL,” they create fun alternatives to dating apps and the nightlife scene. I decided to attend their bowling event at Bowlmor Lanes in the Times Square area and ask Jonathan Wrinkles, the host, and a few of the attendees for some dating advice.
Here is what I got:
1. Know what you want + find out your date’s intentions = saving time.
The most important factor when you are looking for a partner is knowing what you want, explained Wrinkles. “Once you know that, you need to know the other person’s intentions,” he said. “I know we grow up following ‘the rules’ and thinking that we have to play it cool, but if you think about it, that’s so stupid and immature.”
People are often too afraid of looking needy. So, when they go on a first date, for instance, they avoid asking the person sitting right in front of them what they’re looking for. And although playing mind games might work for a while, it is a waste of time when someone is looking for a serious partner, explained Wrinkles, as he greeted 2 of the attendees.
2. Stop looking & get some friends instead.
Chris Jordan, 29, is a software engineer who moved to NYC from California 8 years ago. He is married and has a “don’t ask, don’t tell” agreement with his husband, meaning that they can get sexually involved with other people without having to tell each other. Tonight was Jordan’s first Guy Social event, and he said that he attended with the sole intention of meeting new friends.
Jordan believes that the best thing any person looking for a relationship can do is, as paradoxical as it may sound, to “stop looking.” He thinks that the best way to meet someone is through friends; therefore, according to Jordan, networking and getting to know as many people as possible, “is the healthiest way to get a decent boyfriend.”
3. Explore & take advantage of the options the city has to offer.
Whether you are looking for plain sex, a sugar daddy, bondage buddies, long-lasting friendships, an open relationship or a monogamous one, New York has it all. Many people believe that having too many options is a disadvantage, explained Jordan, but in fact, “it gives you the opportunity to meet as many people as possible, which makes it easier to find the guy you want.”
Jordan said that the biggest mistake young gays looking for a relationship make is being naïve, believing that “every guy they meet could be the one.” “They don’t even know if the guy is a psycho yet, and they are already thinking about how wonderful it would be to meet his parents.” He thinks everyone should just “relax” and “enjoy the moment,” especially in a city like New York. Jordan said that young gays should experience it all, including group sex, short-term relationships and plenty of dates.
Jonathan Wrinkles, the host.
4. Get out of crappy relationships & respect yourself
Ruben Martis, 33, is a New Yorker and a big fan of Guy Social events. He said that, although he hasn’t met his significant other yet, he has made many friends attending the events. So, going back to point number 2— “stop looking and get some friends instead”— if Jordan is right, Martis may be on the right path.
Martis said that gays—and people in general—often get into and, most importantly, stay in “crappy relationships” just because they fear “being alone.” He thinks that everyone should know their “standards,” and at the minimum sign of violence, whether psychological or physical, “people should be ready to move on.” He believes that “many people need to learn how to respect themselves.”
People should set minimum requisites, said Martis. “A date should be the time when you test the other person in order to see if they are a match or not.” If a dude doesn’t have a job, is not trying to get one, only texts you when he wants sex and asks you the same questions every time you see him, he explains, don’t hesitate to “next them right away.”
5. “If you are broken being single, you are not ready for a relationship”
Before getting into a relationship, “you should make sure you fix yourself first,” said Jordan.
“Working on yourself is probably the best thing you can do; it helps you stay focused on your own stuff and it kills the anxiety of wanting to meet someone quickly,” which often leads to “settling for the wrong guy.”
Working out, reading great books, learning a new hobby, becoming an expert in something, saving money, traveling and meeting great people, explains Jordan, are few of the “things you can do to work on yourself.”
“And this is coming from a happily married guy,” he said. “Yes, we might be in an open relationship, but at least we know what we want and we love each other more than many of the ones who are out there cheating.”
Jonathan Wrinkles told me that dating events like the ones offered by his company are a great alternative to meet people who are already interested in having a relationship. Unlike the nightlife scene, these events are 100% drug-free and, “most importantly,” Wrinkles said, “they are all inclusive.” “You can be old, young, fat or skinny. We don’t require beach bodies for our pool parties; everyone should feel comfortable coming to the events.”