Within the LGBT community, bisexuals are often perceived as gay individuals who haven’t fully accepted themselves. Many subscribe to the idea that one can only be sexually attracted to one of the two genders. But human sexuality is a complex subject matter.

Remy Jacquot, 28, is originally from Virginia and currently lives in a small town in Southern France. He holds an MA in chemistry and an MBA, but after years of corporate work, Jacquot decided to leave that “miserable life” behind to attend culinary school. Today, he teaches English in France and works as a pastry chef.

In our FaceTime interview, Jacquot told me that he identifies himself as a bisexual man who “can be sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women.”

Those who believe that bisexuality does not exist are the same ones who deny sexual versatility and insist that one must be either a top or a bottom. They assume that versatile gays are just bottoms who are too ashamed to admit their sexual role, he explained. “Just like many gay people are into both giving and receiving, there are other people who like both genders. Why is that so hard to understand?”

“When I was 15, I had this crazy friend who was very sexual and did a lot of inappropriate things to some of our friends and myself … I experienced this and it kind of ruined my whole image of sex and sexuality. It made me very self-conscious” he said. “It was from this point that I started thinking about other guys.”

But Jacquot did not act upon his new sexual desires until much later. Having a girlfriend, a Persian background and growing up in an extremely heteronormative world, the thought of being attracted to his same sex intimidated him.

“It wasn’t until I was 21, when I left my girlfriend, that I started exploring a bit more and trying everything,” he said. “I think I fully appreciated guys and girls equally at the age of 24.”

Today, Jacquot believes that, aside from the obvious anatomic and physical distinctions, there’s not a big difference between dating a man or a woman. “We are all human beings,” he said.

“The only change would be that I am more affectionate in public with girls than I am with guys,” he reflected. “I don’t know why this is, but I’m sure there’s a sociological explanation to it.”

In a patriarchal society, where men are expected to provide, Jacquot said that he has always shared equally with both men and women. “It doesn’t matter if it’s a been a guy or a girl, whenever I’ve dated someone, we’ve always treated each other equally,” he said, while drinking a sip of his late-night coffee.

Jacquot said that his level of attraction for either gender varies “every day.” Although he’s been more interested in girls in the past, nowadays are males the ones who are more sexually appealing to him.

“Like, sometimes I am more into guys and sometimes more into girls. I have my phases,” he said. “Recently, though, I have been into guys more because I’m still exploring.”

But overall, Jacquot insisted that his biggest turn-on is talented people who have a passion and “go for it.” “And for some reason, I’m also very much into people who are crazy,” he confessed.

He has a different set of traits that he looks for in men and women. “For guys, I like them tall, blond, green or blue-eyed, masculine, outgoing, creative and intelligent,” he said, while laughing at his demanding list. “And on the other hand, I like brunette girls who are tall, skinny and have nice eyes. He told me that, especially for girls, “no drama” is an absolute must.

 

 

 

The Stories Behind Those Wigs

I’ve always been afraid of drag queens–and I certainly know I’m not the only one. Because of my constant will to get out of my comfort zone, I decided to go to the The Toolbox, the only gay bar in the Upper East Side, and check out their weekly show led by host PhilEsha De Lox and 2 accompanying drag queens. So, if you’ve ever wondered what’s behind their glamour, sequins, wigs and eccentric outfits, keep reading.

Here’s what I got:

Heather Wood, 31, is from Indiana and moved to NYC back in 2009. She always wanted to be part of the entertainment industry, but back in her Indiana days, the idea of being a drag queen never even crossed her mind.

“The first time I dressed up as a woman was for a friend’s birthday party. I just knew this is what I wanted to do,” said Wood. “I just wanna make people laugh and give a voice to our underrepresented community. Not everything is just wigs and high heels in a drag queen’s life.”

“People say I’m like a typical white American woman. I feel like I am the modern and thinner Marilyn Monroe.”

“This is my after hours look. I would totally go on a date like this and nail it.”

“Gay people are pretty good with tips, you know. Our community is not cheap at all,” she said. “Unless you have a European audience, you can make good money doing this. Besides all the free booze, last weekend I made over 200 bucks. I mean, that’s my electric bill during the summer months.”

After talking to me, Wood changed her outfit and had some alone time with her boyfriend, a hipster-looking white male.

Another drag queen working at the Toolbox is Ritz Bitz, 29, who is a native New Yorker of Puerto Rican descent. She is well-known for her extremely sarcastic humor and her petite phenotype.

“I had a father and two brothers that hated me for being an effeminate kid, a mother that supported them because she wanted to avoid conflict and, to top it off, I went to an all-boys school and was bullied throughout my entire adolescence,” said Bitz.

“There was a moment when I couldn’t take it anymore, so i decided to become who I am today: this perfect combination of the two genders. They call it the third gender…whatever. This is exactly what I always wanted.”

“My real passion is fashion. I love helping women to feel good about themselves,” she said. “The way you look and the way you feel are totally connected. That’s why I’m a hair stylist from 9-to-5.”

“I know it’s ironic, but I feel way more empowered as Ritz Bitz. Otherwise, I’m just a 5’5’’ effeminate man.”

I overheard people saying that Ritz Bitz was very aggressive and straightforward. Unlike the other two drag queens, who only took money from the audience when it was handed to them, Bitz picked up the microphone and asked the audience for money three times, telling them not to be “cheap.” After her explicit request, many people took out their singles, as she walked around the tiny space collecting them.

PhilEsha De Lox, 35, is the host at The Toolbox. She is from Philadelphia and moved to Brooklyn back in 2004. She started the night wearing a revealing dress and an eccentric blonde wig.

“I didn’t have a sad life like the vast majority of these bitches,” said De Lox. “I decided to become who I am when I was an independent adult already, and nobody could stop me from doing it. This is my job, but being a drag queen does not define my entire persona. I have a day job and I do this because I love having fun. And besides that, who doesn’t need the extra bucks in recession times? I do…and I bet as a future journalist, you will, too.”

After her first numbers, De Lox disappeared for a couple of minutes, while Ritz Bitz and Heather Wood walked around the bar talking to the audience.

When she came back, she had changed into a more gala-type of dress. Then, using the bar as a runway, she took off her golden wig in front of the public, reminding us that there’s a person like everyone else behind those hours invested in makeup and waxing.

De Lox leads the show with a new monologue every weekend. “In this industry, honey, you can’t do the same numbers over and over again,” she said. “I’m not just a drag queen. I host a show. People come in wanting to laugh, and laughing they have to leave.”