Freud discusses how parents are “the source of all belief” to a small child and  that “the child’s most intense and most momentous wish during these early years is to be like his parents”. This is the most important thing a parent needs to keep in mind, especially when their children are at a young age. The early years of a child is when his mind and behavior is being molded and the base the child uses to mold those behaviors and actions are his parents. If a parent wants to raise their child so that they grow up to be like them in hopefully a good way with the right morals they need to understand one thing; actions speak louder than words. A child will emulate their parents not off of the words they say, but off of the things they do. For example if a father tells his son repeatedly  to be nice to his mom, but he himself will argue with her in front of his son, the words of the father become meaningless to the child. the child will think to himself, “why should i be nice to mommy if daddy isn’t?” I have learned this from my nephew, who won’t listen to what anyone says, especially his parents. But what he will do is copy their actions and repeat their words, so my brother and his wife are very careful in how they act in front of their son. We learn from this that a father can be a role model to his son not using his words, but his actions.

In Freud’s “Family Romances”, he discusses that connection between a child and their family, as well as the child’s search for individuality as they grow older. The child begins their life knowing its parents as a source of knowledge, protection and authority. Parents are the source by which a child begins to understand the world. One of the first conflicts arises from being exposed to other parents and authority figures, to which the child will begin to act critical of their own parents. This makes sense, since the child held their parents in such knowledgeable and authoritative esteem, that any outside influence which can prove otherwise will create a mental conflict. Later in life the child may indulge in daydreams in which the child is either independent from the parents, or given a new and better set of parents. This is a way for the child to imagine greater agency or independence from their parents.

Freud then began to discuss the sexual stage that children go through, where they begin to learn more about a mother’s and father’s role in traditional relationships and then imagine erotic situations with their parental figure. I think that Freud is referring to fantasizing about the roles in which each parent plays rather than the parent themselves. So not the mother herself, but rather a carbon copy which serves to represent the role of the mother in a relationship. These imaginations can also give the child a way to explore their family relations. They could imagine themselves as an only child, or a child in a different family situation. Although these fantasies may seem mean, it’s really just a way for the child to work out thoughts and feelings. This contributes to the child’s individuality as it allows them to explore their own thoughts and their own feelings. The main basis of conflict present for this child first comes from the child admiring their parent, but having to acknowledge that their parent is not perfect. The second form of conflict comes from the child trying to figure out themselves in relation to their siblings and their parents. The rest of the child’s actions and fantasies are meant to help explore those conflicts.

Our upbringing has a great influence on the development of our personalities as young children. As children we learn from experience and that experience derives from our parents’ behavior. Thus up until we reach the age of puberty, our individuality is questionable because it is not authentic. Our knowledge is based on that of our parents and to be able to fully discover who we are as individuals we need to step outside of their shadow and liberate ourselves from their influence. According to Freud, one way in which this liberation is achieved is through the comparison of parental figures. In this manner, a process of rediscovery can take place since the individual is exposed to new knowledge and behaviors. Apart from questioning the knowledge that an individual obtains from his parents, the individual may begin to question what Freud refers to as “the family romance.” By becoming familiar with “the difference in the parts played by fathers and mothers in their sexual relations,” an individual begins to perceive his father figure in a much higher regard despite the fact that he criticized his attributes earlier. The mother figure, on the other hand, is still under critique because she remains “the subject of the most intense sexual curiosity” and thus is perceived as being unfaithful. As the individual’s process of self-discovery continues, his understanding of the family romance contributes to the development of his own individuality and personality. The comprehension of this subject matter along with “intellectual growth,” enables a child to grow into as an independent and self-governing adult.

Family Romance by Sigmund Freud discussed the importance of the “liberation of an individual” and by that he means the claiming of ones individuality from his parents. Freud says that the claiming of ones independence is one of the most important steps in their development. He discusses how children, at first look up to their parents as the end all be all, the ultimate role models of who they should be. But as they grow older they begin to compare their parents to the parents of their friends and other family members and begin to find flaw in their parents and no longer see them as the supreme role models they once did. In addition as kids begin to compete for their parents attention they feel “slighted” and hurt that they aren’t getting their full attention. As the conflict continues to brew the longing for individuality becomes even more central as the child attempts to break out of his/her parents grip. In truth, according to Freud this conflict is even more present in boys than girls, which makes sense given the presence of sexuality in the respective parental relationships. In practice Freud seems to be correct in his approach as it is often the case that children think the world of their parents but eventually they begin to develop their own opinion and in many ways grow apart. Freud concludes that this growing up actually makes the child replace his once idolized father or mother with an idealized version that has no flaws whatsoever. So in that, instead of the child growing far from their parents they actually form an idealized version of them and grow closer to them. Hence the conflict verses independence struggle that the child undergoes.

“Family Romances” by Sigmund Freud talks about family relationship analyzed psychologically. When I was a child my mother and father were my role models. Since my father was away and my mother raised me I dreamed of having the same occupation as my mother. I thought that nobody is a better than her and that she is the most successful person at that time. My father was away, so in my mind I found an explanation. He was a hero in my mind, a secret agent, who had to travel frequently. As I was growing up I realized that other parents are treating their kids better, and I become rebellion. I agree with Freud conclusions because I personally experienced it. It is interesting to notice that mother-son and father-daughter relationship is more affectionate than mother-daughter and father-son. Freud claims that sexual tension has something to do with this. Also children who have siblings can fell neglected by their parents and thus their response to parent’s hostile behavior can be along those lines. Than he talks about “neurotic family romance” that refers to entanglement of child parents. It usually starts before puberty and continues through it. In that period child wants to depart from his parents that he has low opinion about and replace them with other parents of higher social class. A second stage of family romances in child recognizing that mother is always certain and father can come and go. I was undermining father in one point as well, because I felt that mother is more caring and giving. After the puberty period ended I realized that my parents try to raise me the best way they knew.

Marija Krasojevic

Family Romances by Sigmund Freud shows us the human connections we have with our family since birth. I totally agree that our parents are our first role models and we are constantly relating to them. Till this day I continue to turn to my mother and father for guidance. Although usually I have already made up my mind but I just want to be assured of my choices. At one point i had started to compare my parents to my aunts and uncle and I was jealous why my aunts and uncle have more money and is more educated. But eventually I realized if I was their child I would turn out spoiled and disrespectful.

I also have two older brothers that is about 10 years older than me and growing up they were also similar to a parent figure. Interestingly  I remember very little of my childhood but i remember very vividly when they joked with me saying that I pick up from the streets.  although i know they were joking but i made me upset at the thought that  it could be true. The quote”‘pater semper incertus est’, while the mother is ‘certissitna’” is very relatable. Who hasn’t wondered is that really my dad. But we don’t ask our mom that because we know for sure that we came from her womb.  In this piece you can see the development of a child as they try to find their individualism and I found this piece very relatable.

Sandy

In Sigmund Freud’s “Family Romances,” he discussed a child’s development. In the first sentence he mentions that to gain individuality, a child must gain freedom from his parents, which can be one of the most painful events in his life. To differ yourself from everyone else, to show that you are in individual you must overcome some conflicts in your life. Everyone who is said to be in a “normal state” has gone through conflicts that leads to their individuality.

When you are a child, your only source of belief and authority comes from your parents. Therefore, “the child’s most intense and most momentous wish during these early years is to be like his parents,” stated Freud. Since the only knowledge you have as a child is from your parents, it makes the most sense that you think like them and that is not individuality. However, as you grow up, you meet other parents and you start to compare them to yours whether it be good comparisons or bad. This is where conflict starts to come in, more specifically internal. You start to imagine your life with different parents whether they are wealthier or more powerful. However, Freud said that this does not mean that you are replacing your parents, but rethinking about the days when your parents seems to be the best out of all those other parents, “these new and aristocratic parents are quipped with attributes that are derived entirely from real recollections of the actual and humbles ones…” For me I feel like Freud is saying that even though when you grow up and can think on your own and you no longer want to be exactly like your parents, you still hold them very high in your mind. Everyone who experiences individuality has had these conflicting thoughts that got them there.

Sigmund Freud’s “Family Romances” discusses the inner conflict that arises when a person tries to establish their individuality amidst familial and generational pressures. According to Freud, children start out as wanting to emulate their parents as these are the first people they know. However, as “intellectual growth” increases, a child starts comparing their parents to others and therefore takes part in the critical thinking process when categorizing their own parents’ personalities and behavior (237). This is the period where children begin to interpret even a small degree of hostility from their parents as a slight against them and thus their desire to break free from their parents grows. The next stage involves imagining one’s parents as different people of a higher social status, which serves to rip away the foundations of a child’s origins. At this stage, a child ponders the differing roles each parent plays: the mother becomes a certain figure, but the image of the father remains uncertain. This is where Freud declares that the “family romance undergoes a curious curtailment” since doubts arise about the father while the mother becomes cemented as part of the child’s origins (239). These disconnects between reality and fantasy serve as the child’s way of mourning the days when they put their parents on a pedestal and saw them as their only source of authority and beliefs. This connects back to the beginning of the passage, in which Freud says that it is important for a child to understand that their parents’ views can be separate from a their own views of the world, and that this liberation can only be born out of the conflict of identity the child faces as they grow up.

Freud’s “Family Romances” mainly illustrates how the conflicts faced in the liberation of an individual affect the formation of adult’s individuality (or personality, identity) and behavior shaped. The liberation means to become an individual by escaping over the course of childhood, from the absolute power and love of parents. Freud describes the liberation is a “necessary” and “most painful” progress. Some children have failed in this task then become a class of neurotics. Freud points out that the family romance is a fantasy production as a part of a movement of neurotic’s estrangement from his parents in order to accomplish the liberation. Freud defines two stages of the family romance, one before the onset of puberty and a later one with sexual overtones. At the early stage, conflicts begin to come up when a child’s “intellectual growth increases”, because a child comes to doubt his parents’ “incomparable and unique quality” which he believes all the time, and discover his parents are not as perfect as he considers. The child then often creates fictional stories about their origins, such as being adopted, and imagines his  “real” parents were much better, kinder, and more exalted than the imperfect people who were actually raising them. This entirely fabricated fictional stories(daydreams)made by children to comfort themselves are called “family romance”. Freud further notes that most family romances develop when a child’s “affection is not being fully reciprocated” as a means of “fulfilment of wishes and correction of actual life”. At the later stage, being aware of sexual relations between father and mother, the child then imagines as a bastard from her mother’s illicit sexual relationship with a noble father. In conclusion, the conflicts between the child’s wish and reality make the child a neurotic, and develop the child’s fictional activity (making family romances) as a result.

There is sufficient evidence to show that parents play a very important role as children grow up. In Sigmund Freud’s “Family Romances,” he discussed the connection between conflict and individuality. On the one hand, parents can lead their children to be successful as most people did. On the other hand, parents can destroy their children as a neurotic. Children always consider their parents are best and supreme in the world so that children want to be like their parents. And yet children began to compare his parents with other parents and children after he undergone competition in the society. Children complained the life and came out some questions such as why other family’s life is gorgeous? Why their parents cannot satisfy them like what other’s parent do? Obviously, the comparison would stick in children’s minds and generate conflicts. Therefore, the conflict would affect children’s individuality. We can see it has two sides. In the positive side, positive comparison played the role of motivation, which children would use the motivation and would get stronger. Conversely, to the negative side, Sigmund wrote that, “the later stage in the development of the neurotic’s estrangement from his parents, begun in this manner, might be described as ‘the neurotic’s family romance’” (237). The negative comparison made children refuse to close to his parents, children would lose self-confidence and became an introverted child with the inferiority complex. Children would frequently phantasy erotic and ambitious image in his mind to gain satisfactions. No matter what, I believe the most important growing environment is from parents. Either positive or negative, the conflict which affected children’s individuality and it mostly dependents on parents.