SCENE ONE
{JULIANNA}

JULIANNA

HouseAuthors, welcome to your fourth week here!
I hope your time here has been dear,
And that you’re ready to compete once more
In challenges you all seem to adore.
This week, your Ideal is something we’ve seen
Take special importance in your scenes:
The role of family. You’ve all brought it up
As a main part of your texts – in close-up!
What with Gregor’s parents distant and cold;
And Orgon’s wife so quick to go uphold
The reputation of her family name
By exposing Tartuffe in a word game
Where her wits exposed the pious houseguest
Without even having to flash a breast!
And who could forget Laura’s selfless sis?
Putting herself in danger, she does this
Deed for her sister, so that she may live
And learn from the mistakes of her actions.
Never fall for such tempting attractions
Of sex and indulgence again, she sees
Happiness and fulfillment in both God
And a sisterly bond; her brain dethawed.
Lastly, where would we be without mention
Of Tagore’s tale? A family extension!
Love beyond blood, distance, or years gone by.
Family means anything in your mind’s eye.
Anything, that is, that shows compassion
From one to another with no ration.

 SCENE TWO
{JULIANNA, BAUDELAIRE, MELVILLE}

BAUDELAIRE

Enough of your babbling of family love,
I’m getting sick.

 JULIANNA

Then why don’t you go shove
Yourself away somewhere? You won’t compete
This week. Consider this ideal a treat,
Because while you cannot win this debate,
I grant you immunity. Call it fate,
Or whatever you will, you will be safe
From the first nomination. Please don’t chafe,
Mr. Melville! I grant you the same thing!
The winner today must find ways to bring
One of their fellow competitors down.
What good would this be without a few frowns?

BAUDELAIRE

Very well then. Come Herman, let us drink!
And watch these fools review all of their ink
Trying to find some words that are so smart,
They come to believe the family’s art.

 MELVILLE

Art of what?

 BAUDELAIRE

Why “love” of course! Listen up!
This round is sure to be cheesy as hell.

 MELVILLE

Agreed. Let’s go await the challenge bell.