Option 1: There are three specific outlets for me that I’d consider as my “religion”, which are sports, music, and poetry. Growing up, I was never the typical “ideal” Latina daughter to my family. I was never really girly, or into the things that are associated with being girly such as makeup, dresses, and things along those lines. From a young age a handful of my family members would notice I didn’t align with these stereotypical social constructs, and I was shamed for it early on. It became hard for me to embrace those parts of myself, as I’d spend most of my free time outside of school around these same family members. I always knew I was passionate about sports and wanted to play, but it wasn’t until high school that I was able to play on an actual team for my two favorite sports: softball and basketball. The first experiences where I felt my most authentic self, were on the softball field and the basketball court in freshman year of high school. I had fun and felt free playing these sports. Beyond the surface, I was able to explore more of myself and embrace the parts of me that were shamed. It was a safe space to be me, every practice, every game, every team gathering. I’ve never felt like an outsider being a part of these teams and playing the sport. Without them I wouldn’t have been pushed to explore more of myself and embrace myself completely and loudly, not just quietly and alone. Along with sports, I also consider music like another “religion” to me. Jazz is my favorite genre of music. The pureness I feel while listening to jazz is the same pureness I felt when I started to embrace all the things about myself that were deemed “wrong”. These included my sexuality, my piercings and tattoos, and my style. My love for jazz influenced me to learn piano, and I’ve been playing for about 5 years now. Whenever I feel a bit lost, I get on my piano and I sit there and I play. My love for the instrument and the music have always been a huge part of my identity. Most of all though, the most influential thing to my identity that resonates with me, is poetry and writing. I’ve always written poetry, and with it, there were no boundaries or rules when it came to it. I was always able to express whatever I had going on, a beautiful moment, a sad moment, a funny moment, an ironic moment, through poetry. So whenever I felt suffocated about not being able to express certain parts of myself, I was always able to through writing. On the flip side, I’ve also attended many poetry slams and read poetry books. Many of which resonated with me and my identity crisis between what my family and the “culture” expected of me, and finding the fine line between embracing both my culture and who I am at the core. Spit and Passion says “I knew what punk rock was. I was actually obsessed with this idea that these ‘punks’ trolled about the planet questioning the status quo(Road, 34).” All these things helped me question the status quo placed on me, which was to be straight and girly, and keep my body “clean” of tattoos and piercings. Without my ‘religion’, I would still be trapped in the bubble I was placed in. I’m more myself than I ever have been.
Hey Gabs! I really like your post about the tomboy topic and how you see yourself as a part of the main character in some areas. Let me tell you something, you are a multi-tasking individual, that’s amazing! I really like how everything is connected and all the hobbies you have, I really appreciate the details. I know it may maybe difficult to talk about this because I know some Hispanic families girls are rejected more for not following the feminine stereotype that we are unknowingly given from an early age and we just want to play and have fun. Sadly, when members of our families started our claims started calling us “marimacho” (tomboy) as an insult, which can affect them or others had some tag because we didn’t ourselves too deeply when were young besides when already adults; even day we grow up a little bit more to accept us.
Your connection to your identity and music is super cool. I think that’s something that Spit & Passion encompasses really well. I feel like it’s common for us to find our escape in music, considering the multiple constraints put on us. I remember growing up I was really into rap because it was so different from the Sunday gospel music my mom forced us to listen to, or the old records of Julio Jaramillo that my grandpa used to play. To me rap was my way of rebelling, in a space where I had to be perfect and fit all those stereotypes you’re speaking on. Expanding on the idea of tattoos and piercings, I love that you have them and have embraced them. I always wanted a helix and a double piercing so when I went to study abroad I got them behind my families backs. However I was so afraid of what they would think that by the time I got back home my helix had closed and my double piercing was hidden. I always wondered how it was okay in our culture for us to have these piercings as soon as we’re born without anyone asking us if we really want them. Then as soon as we want more it’s a problem. Hispanic culture really needs to stop being confusing!
Gabby,
I really enjoyed reading about your connection to sports and your love for poetry. Similarly, I also started playing softball in high school. I fell in love with the sport at an early age, but there were no female teams in my hometown back in DR. Once my family and I moved to the U.S. I joined the high school team and the local rec league. I continued playing all throughout high school and when I visited my cousins back home, my female cousins would comment on my “boy” interests and my lack of interest in makeup and fashion trends. I am hopeful as this mentality is changing with the new generations, and it seems like we are slowly moving away from the mentality that only boys can play sports.