Revising Plan for Paper #2;; Reflective Writing Log

After the day I finally received my paper from my professor, I began to look the entire paper over again. I have noticed that Professor Kaufman has made a comment pointing out that I have to make my thesis way stronger. I also think that my thesis is way too broad. It almost seems like a statement, rather than an argument that I am really trying to prove. I have to ask myself the question, so what? I need to be able to try to be the reader in a way and try to find the things in which are needed to be added into my paper.

Since I am against having technology in the 21st century classroom, I have to explain what a classroom with technology looks like and how a classroom with technology would feel/look like. I will work on making the connection within the two classrooms and how it would impact how a student’s behavior is impacted just by supplying them with or without technology. I also have to be able to explain and put more analysis to my examples. Additionally, I have to add more examples from my personal experience with technology and my experiences without. The book, however, opposes my argument of not having technology in the classroom. I have to be able to find an example where I can connect to how technology isn’t going to benefit students as they are in an educational environment.

My major concerns, besides my thesis and examples would be the openings and the hooks of the conclusion. I am always stuck at starting an essay and ending an essay, therefore I usually start building the body paragraphs first then slowly approach the beginning and the concluding sentences. Whenever I am stuck, I save the confusion for last and to be able to stick onto my body paragraphs first.

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2 Responses to Revising Plan for Paper #2;; Reflective Writing Log

  1. Mimi Lau says:

    It’s okay Amy I’m suffering the same problem too! My thesis doesn’t seem to be concise or strong either….just have to keep asking the question to make the thesis better. And me too I find concluding the paper hard because I don’t know when or where to end it.

  2. erica kaufman says:

    Mimi, Amy–What are the thesis statements you have so far? ask yourselves–more than so what–ask yourselves–why is this technology significant–what does it look like smell like feel like sound like? EJK

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