Author Archives: elizabeth

In a magazine, what do you see? Usually there is a perfect family with a mother, father, son, daughter and maybe a dog. My family does not look like that, so is my family broken? My family is made up of my mother, grandmother, 2 sisters and I. My family is not the same as the magazine, so is my family wrong? Even though my father is not around, I do not view my family as flawed. The definition of a family is a group of people living together in a household. For a very long time I had thought it was not.

When I was 6 years old, my mom and dad separated. I never really understood what was going on until I was about 9. My dad would sometimes call and visit, but dropped all forms of communication by the time I was 7. I do not know why he left, but always thought it was always somewhat my fault. I had a feeling my sisters and I did something wrong one day and he left because he got tired of us. I slowly started to understand that I could not control what had happened and had to accept the situation.

When I got a bit older, I started to notice how people would show off the things they had and the stuff their parents would buy them. I was a part of a group of friends who liked to show off and show one another the “fancy” things we had. I did not want to be the outcast of the group so I tried to keep up with them. I knew that would not always be the case. Since my family is a one-income home that has to support 4 others, I could not always get the material items I wanted. I had to make do with the items I had because I also had to think about my family. I could not do everything my friends did and I had to accept that, but I was still happy with what I had.

The one thing that remains of my father’s abandoning is trust issues I have. I know I may seem to be a free spirit who speaks my mind, but I have my doubts with people. If the one who is supposed to love you most and care for you leaves, then why should anyone else stay? Since that is my way of thinking, it is not that easy for me to get to trust someone with anything I know. I may trust someone, but I do not think I will ever trust someone wholeheartedly. Some say I am distant, but that is not exactly what is going on. I have a barrier around me for a reason and I do not think anyone can get through that barrier. It may take more time, but trusting someone is not easy for me and may still be a “scar” I bare when I grow older.

I have never really been able to answer that question for myself. Does that mean I do not know who I am? Not necessarily. It could just mean I am growing as a person, so “my definition” is not set in stone. From what I know, however, I am one person who is not embarrassed easily and is laid back. Why should I hide the real me? I speak my mind (at the right moments) and feel not everything should be taken serious, so relax and let things go.

My concern for this year is the workload, my grades, and the teaching style of each professor. I am not so use to having to have a large workload every night. My old teachers had an understanding that we had homework from other classes so they did their best to try to make our lives easy. I feel stressed in every class I walk into now. My grades are not up to where I would like them to be, so I am stressing out even more. It seems I will not be able to get away from the stress. I also have to learn to understand each teaching style. Some professors have a “different” way of teaching so I have to try to either understand or learn the material myself.

I have noticed many differences in Baruch compared to my high school. I immediately noticed the students carried themselves in a professional manner. My high school was filled with drama and fighting and I was not too into it. College kids also are not as clique-y as high school kids, so I am pleased with that. I pretty much could not stand my school so Baruch is a big step up.

I do not think college will change me all that much. It is somewhat hard to change a personality that is stable. I do not want to change now that I think about it. I just hope college can teach me some things to better myself.