- Blog Post #3
- Post 1: Media to Rep. You
- Post 2 : Monologue
- Post 3: Reflection
Category Archives: Post 2 : Monologue
All right, I must admit…look … I didn’t want to tell anyone, family, or friends but I’ve fallen behind.With all these papers to do and exams to study for on time, has piled up on me even effecting my sleeping schedule. On top of that, having to work full-time, in order to help out my parents with thier financial problems. Now, at work thinking about what to write for my monologue getting easily distracted is not helping. I can’t keep up. People talking everywhere, can’t even get my mind thinking straight. Alright, stop and focus I know I can get this done. Time is running out, hopefully I finish it quicker then I expect. Several thoughts running through my mind, what should I pick. What can I easily write a lot about. What is the easiest topic. Oh man, I hate it when the directions arn’t to specific. Should I write about college, highschool, work, umm… childhood. Nope its boring. I seriously have to get started writing this monologue, I have to go to work soon! I can’t even call off work with such short notice. What am I going to do. I don’t want to get fired, I need to help my parents out. Ugh, I wish I could just focus and have everything planned out. Okay now I have 30 minutes left, will that be enough time? Should I just give up. No stop, I have to do this. You should never give up in anything in life. Oh wow I didn’t realize I was writing all along and here I am all done before I even new it.
My favorite enrichment workshop was the musical the first one we attened. This workshop had everyone laughing within every scene. I enjoyed it from the start to the end. Every scene gave lessons of what could be coming along the way throughout college. It showed how fun and live college can be depending on how active you are within the campus. As I was enjoying every moment, there were many lessons taught and gave a clear picture of college life. Baruch really is not a college where you can have a “college experience” for the reason of not have a big campus. But, there are so many ways you can enjoy, have fun, and be entrained here at Baruch. With this being said, this performance indicated how Baruch has so many clubs and activities that can be joined during club hour or after classes. As several performances explained, how being active in college you can form a close bond of friends. At first, I was not happy coming to Baruch for the reason of missing out on college experiences and the parties all around the campuses. But, after watching all these performances I realized that Baruch can just be as much fun as any other college. This workshop was the livest and most enjoyable out of all three I attended.
As you see in this image, I enjoyed my first semester in college. I am grateful for being part of this block in our first three months in college having all classes together. We studied and even hung out together having memorable moments. College was harder then I expected it to be, but making all these friends helping each other out in all ways made this semester swing by easier. Baruch is a community that will always be there in whatever you need starting from professors, tutors, and friends. As this semester ends, I hope we all still stay in touch with each other.
I’ll never forget the time I met my best friend. It was the first day of freshman year in High School, and naturally there was that sense of unfamiliarity among all 1000 or so freshmen. It was the middle of the day, lunch period, and me and two friends picked up our lunches and found seats at a table empty except for one guy with shoulder length hair sitting alone at the end of the table with his own homemade lunch. About five minutes into us sitting there, one of the girls i was with suggested that on the count of three we move all our stuff and make friends with that guy. I was against it, but I was outvoted, and so we counted and pushed all of our bags next to him and sat there. He looked confused at first, but once we introduced ourselves, it became less awkward, and we all started talking. His name was Jeremy Landau, and the four of us got comfortable talking for the rest of the period. But he wasn’t in our freshman cluster, and so we had no classes with him, so it was likely we wouldn’t get the chance to be close all year. After the day ended, I walked alone to the train station, and because I was about to miss the train, jumped into the first car. To my surprise, he was sitting right there in the first car. I told myself that this is the only kid I know taking the train, I might as well make friends with him, and so I did. It turned out our friendship would be a reason for what I would be involved in for the next couple of years, and maybe even in the future. We had a ton in common, and shared a huge interest in the guitar, and in our musical tastes. During our sophomore year, we aspired to make a band, and in junior year, it came to fruition. We recruited friends of ours for the bass and drums, Jeremy played lead guitar, and I played the rhythm guitar and sang for the group. We called ourselves Push, and for those two years we played a bar mitzvah, a few birthdays, and a bunch of clubs and bars all over Brooklyn, Manhattan, Queens and Long Island (sorry SI& Bronx). Some of the greatest times I’ve had were with those guys, and I’m lucky my best friend got to also be my band mate. We’ve had to go our separate ways for college, but we recorded a full album last summer in a studio, and it was never cut, but we paid for the recording time, so we’ve definitely got some unfinished business.
If I could only share one piece of advice from my life it would be to never take life for granted. I know its cheesy and I myself used to think the same. I used to roll my eyes when someone would give this type of advice however, until my aunt was diagnosed with brain tumor, I never knew how true of a meaning it held. My uncle married about four years ago. A year after their marriage, my aunt was pregnant however the complications in her pregnancy led the doctors to conclude that she had brain tumor. Despite it, my aunt went through the pregnancy. Every day I see her struggle and make most of her health. She never lets her health come in the way of bringing her child up properly. She does her best to take care of her child and family. Yet, at the same time I see her struggling. There are times when she forgets memories her and her husband have shared. She’ll forget small things, which seem insignificant, yet they baffle me. Her struggle teaches that life should never be taken for granted. Her struggles teach to live life to the fullest. I see her every day struggling yet she knows how to live life to the fullest. Despite the brain tumor, she always has a brave face on to show the world and specifically her family.
me and my baby cousin
Oh…this is really late. The internet keeps disconnecting too…and I still have no clue as to what I should have here.
This just happens to be one of those difficult assignments I have no idea how to approach. I especially have difficulty with assignments where I have to answers questions about myself.
Sure, some people have no problem improvising and telling the world everything that goes on in their lives. The ad-lib may turn out well too, or it may become a joke that blows over after 72 days.
But that’s not me. I have no idea where to start or what I want to share. The social part of life is easier spoken than written. So here I am thinking and thinking and thinking. It’s not that the assignment is boring so I can’t complete it…it just feels like my mind’s blank. It’s like when I talk without thinking. The words are coming out but I’m not really sure where they come from. At other times, I tend to mull over things in my mind before blurting out anything. The latter is usually more organized and easier to comprehend than the former.
Now I’m just saying anything that flows after the previous sentence…not good. Well, no matter– at least I have something to say. I don’t have any interesting experiences I can think of to share, but I can say I know not everyone can live a carefree life thinking “I’m living normally.”
I guess I believe I’m living a normal life so nothing really happens. It’s probably because of this mindset that the days flow by as if I were dreaming. I remember high school was different; I was interested in the things I was learning, but the workload made life stressful, and negative attitude from classmates was especially contagious. Preparing for college added more to everything. After overcoming these obstacles, I entered college. The classes were interesting, and high school had prepared me for the type of work I was getting. Days passed by, and I just felt like I was dreaming. The days just seem peaceful, and although life isn’t entirely satisfying, it’s not as troubling all the time either.
I’m just ignorant, I guess. I try not to look for trouble, but I enjoy looking for solutions to problems in case I encounter them one day. I know I have a lot to learn in life, and I need to work at my own pace. “Ignorance is bliss,” some say. Sure, but it doesn’t mean I can really be happy without knowing about it. So it’s better to give attention to what’s necessary in life and fine to be less attentive with what’s not as significant in life.
I wasted a lot of my time with the less important things in life, and I’m sure I will continue to do so. Even so, I try to think about what I really want to spend my time on. “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you,” Carl Sandburg said. So I’ll try however I can to spend my time wisely since I believe I only have one coin I will be remembering about.
The things I’ve said here aren’t in order, and don’t really connect. It seems the improv didn’t work out well for me– but like I said, this is a weak spot of mine. It’s difficult for me, but to sum it up: I’m learning, and I’m living.
No…was that 3–5 minutes?
Before college, many of us did not have the chance for meaningful self-introspection. From Pre-K to 12th grade, we’ve been subject to the drudgery of the school system which has boggled us down with inconsequential work for the sake of keeping us busy. The first thing we invariably do when we start college is to use the power of introspection in some sort of way to transition into adulthood. We figure out how to start from this nadir point in our lives to reach the limitations of our own capabilities. We focus more on our future careers and gravitate towards the rejection of traditional school dogma in an attempt to become more educated and find our own unique identities. Suddenly, we have more time to explore our own interests and do what we want without any set schedule, akin to the ROWE strategy that some businesses employ. This experience is what I would call the college prerogative. It is a time for character refinement and personal atonements, but more importantly independence. Independence, wholly encompasses the idea of our newfound freedom, our newfound thinking, and our newfound realization that we are no longer children who have things handed to us. College is a place where we can escape our past inhibitions to pursue what really matters to us. It is the ultimate external motivator that keeps us intrinsically sane and develops us from mere plebeians to functional contributing members of society. We acquiesce to the preconceived notions of independence and do what many other students have done before us. It is this autonomy that helps us become successful. College is, and will be, the place where we can hone our introspections to better both ourselves and society. In the end, we will all be able to emerge as adults, more educated and more free than ever.
An apropos painting by one of my favorite artists: (Pensive by Renoir)
Just start your monologue already. This happens every time. This is what it always leads to. Every timeyou tell yourself before “Don’t wait until the last minute, you’re not gonna want to do it!” Two days ago you were too tired. Yesterday you were too busy. What happened this time? You had to go hang out with some friends? You had some errands to run? Come on man, prioritize. You knew this was due. What happened? Where did your work ethic go? This wouldn’t be happening in high school. Shit man, everyone finished it already but you. Well it’s alright, I’ve got about 3 hours before the clock hits 12, I have all the time I need to get this monologue done. Alright look, just focus. Uhh, what can you write about? Hmm…they told me I could write about whatever I want. That’s too vague, I wish they had been more specific, I can’t seem to narrow down the choices myself. I could just play it safe, I mean, I could just do what everyone else is doing and start comparing high school to college. I could talk about the transition I’m experiencing and the shifts in expectations and emotions I go through daily because of my new environment. I could make it thoughtful and genuine and then I’d be guaranteed to pass the class. But that would be no fun. That would lack originality, and I could easily find something more “exciting” to talk about. I’ve gotta be up there talking for 3 – 5 minutes? Three to five MINUTES? How many pages is that like 2, 3? This is so stupid, and I only have 2 hours left to go before this is due. Alright, concentrate. Once you figure out your topic, it’ll be smooth sailing; you can finish it in no time. This is such an easy assignment, why am I struggling…? Damn it, why didn’t I just start earlier? I’m hungry. I wanna go and check if we have anything in the fridge I could munch on for a bit. I’m kinda tired too. I woke up too early this morning… I don’t want to write this monologue. My chair is too uncomfortable. My room is too dark. I need a new lamp. I need to use the bathroom. I wonder what’s on TV. I wonder what all my friends are doing on this lovely Friday night. I wish this monologue would just write itself. That bed over there looks pretty inviting, I can probably just…NO! Snap out of it, what’s the matter with you? Can’t you pay attention for a few minutes and sort this out? Why can’t you just get this done? You need to stop looking for distractions and focus. Just start your monologue already! Alright, let’s see, topic topic topic…shit what time is it anyway, like 10:15…11:00? Are you serious? It was just 10 a minute ago. Okay, now we really need to hurry up. This assignment is pointless. I shouldn’t be here thinking of a topic for this useless monologue for a class I don’t even get credit for! There’s no grade, it’s just pass or fail! I could probably not even do it and I’d still pass! I’d pass and never have to come in again just to write some free writes or play some social games. I don’t need that. I don’t want that. This class is such a waste of time. Hey wait, that’s not a bad idea. Could it work? Could I actually write a monologue ABOUT not wanting to write a monologue? Can I fulfill the assignment by not wanting to fulfill it? Heh, now that I think of it, I could make that pretty interesting and funny. Well, it’s the best idea I’ve had all night, I should probably stick with it. Yeah, alright. I know what this monologue is going to look like. I’ve got it all visualized. This is going to be great, I can’t wait to read this to the class on Monday. I can probably finish writing this in 15 minutes! Okay come on, stop procrastinating and just start your monologue already! Okay okay, let me just check the time real quick. 12:09? … well, it’s late already, might as well do it another day.
If I could only share one piece of advice for the rest of my life it would be, “Be better than the person you were yesterday.” I think this is probsbly the best piece of advice that I have gotten. We should always strive to improve ourselves. Just imagine, how far you could get if you fix one problem a day.
Now what if everyone did this? We would be living in a much better world. Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were yesterday. If you feel like you have not improved, then use it has motivation to improve who you are. Start off small, one change at a time. Soon enough, you will see that you have made vast improvements by only looking to yourself.
Oftentimes, we get so caught up in trying be like others, that we lose sight of what we can actually achieve. Each person is different, so we should not try to be as good or better than someone else, but should compete against our selves. If you keep comparing yourself to others you will only get distracted.
So when you wake up tomorrow morning think of what you could change about yourself for the better. Do something that will make you better than who you were yesterday.
Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar. You’re gonna go far, you’re gonna fly high, you’re never gonna die, you’re gonna make it if you try;they’re gonna love you.
Do you remember when we sang that on the stoop and smoked a pack of black and milds in an hour? You loved the Wine flavored, wood-tip ones. When you saw me that was the first thing you asked me for, a black and mild. You told me I always smelled like cigars. Nowadays when I stand outside my college I smoke them and wonder where you would be right now. And the smell just brings it all back — it brings you back.
I met you in the first week of 9th grade. We had lunch together and we sat at the same table. The two kids that would eventually become your best friends were there. Joe looked terrified Billy looked like a 12-year-old, and you had a mouth full of braces but you still managed to somehow yell something at the school aide. I was wearing some shirt with some pattern and as I walked off you called out to me and said “HEY! … Nice shirt.” And that happened four more times for a few weeks and you kept forgetting who I was until I introduced myself. We would greet each other in the hallways and make jokes and we grew really close sophomore year, and that’s when I gave you the nickname Frenchie.
When I found out, it didn’t hit me right away. I couldn’t cry. I was numb, empty. You were a part of me, a part of all of us, and that part had been ripped away, but it was taking a while for the pain of the hole you left to set in. I tried to be strong and comfort everyone. I wanted to give everyone a giant hug and hold them tight, all twenty five of your close friends and all five hundred of the people that showed up to say their goodbyes.
It was a good service, even though the bumbling rabbi compared you to olive oil. I kept questioning the relevance of olives to your life. All of your friends said something that came from the heart, but we couldn’t really get into specifics about “that one time we were doing that illegal thing in the park” with deans in the room. I can write a book about you and our friends and how much we all loved you but at the last minute I choked up, and my heart started falling into itself, and then I finally felt that emptiness, that void.
When I last checked up on you and your ever-changing, endless list of interests and hobbies, I knew you wanted to be a cardiologist. And when I told you that the doctors found a heart defect, you drew a picture of a heart in my sketchbook and pointed out the different parts to it and explained what the different possibilities were. The fact that you knew these things was comforting for some reason. Hearing you talk calmed me down. You gave me a necklace from urban outfitters or something, with a drawing of the human heart on it. I always thought, worst comes to worst, you would know what to do. You would take care of me, like you always did when I needed you to. I still wonder what college you would have ended up going to, if you would be like the rest of us right now, complaining about piles of schoolwork. I wonder how the last seven months would have been different.
You always said you hated attention. You said you didn’t like when people talked about you, when they idolized you. You were too handsome and intelligent and interesting for your own good. But you and I both know you loved having the spotlight on you when you were with us. When you were telling a story, everyone listened. Everyone laughed. People nearby, who didn’t know us, listened in. And we have countless stories about you and we’re going to use them to remember you, and you’re going to get all of our attention and love, because you deserve it, whether you like it or not.
I remember we always had the best conversations, we talked for hours about nothing in particular. We said something about the Beatles and then you and I started bouncing off ideas and finishing eachother’s sentences and we said that all we really need in life, is love. The reason we go to ridiculous extents to be the smartest, richest, most attractive, most powerful, is for love. The love of friends, of family, of lovers, of nations. We live to love. Nothing matters if you don’t have love. And you, dear boy, have all of it. That day and for the last seven months, I, and everyone in that room, all of your friends, your family, teachers and acquaintances, devoted every single ounce of their beings to loving you, remembering you, thinking about you and wishing we could have gotten just one more day with you, to say everything we needed to say. I have so much to say to you, so much to apologize for, and so many memories to reminisce on.
The last time we spoke was that Monday. I asked if you were okay. You said you’ll be fine. And I said, “You always are.” And you always were, and you always will be.
Keanu, you were the strongest, most interesting, most special person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I loved you, we all loved you, and we will always love you. You were a friend, a brother, and finally, a martyr. In death, you taught us how to live.