I have listened to you for as long as I can remember. I have listened to you when I first started talking; I have listened to you and followed you around when I first started walking. You were someone who I looked up to, you were my role model. I trusted every word you said, and held onto every lesson you taught. But you soon started to take advantage of my lack of knowledge of the world and my naivety. You started to nit-pick everything I did and everything I said. You were never proud of me. Everything always had to be done your way or you would nag and nag and nag into the next day. You never let a simple mistake slide; the tiniest slip-up would make you angry for two whole days.

I hope you understand I have grown into a young adult. I have my own personality and begun to form my own opinions. I want to be able to speak my mind and to do things my own way. I no longer want to be told what to do or how to work on a certain chore. I should not have to be disciplined on the way I work on a certain task. I should not have to be hounded over the way I wash the clothes, or the way I cook food. I should not be demoralized by being called a slut because you do not like the sight of my outfit. I should not be looked at in disapproval for trivial mistakes like buying cotton that has gum in it or eating in a humane way. I want to be able to behave like the way other girls are able to in Sunday school. I want to smile whenever I want without having to worry if I’m smiling too much or too little. I want to be free.

In Mrs.Dalloway, the characters I felt that had a connection were Clarissa and Septimus. Though the two never meet or directly have an interaction with each other, they portray one another with slight modifications in events causing them to be somewhat identical. Clarissa, a housewife, who I believed to be pretentious was actually someone who’s going through a midlife crisis. As someone who is in her early 50s, she no longer feels connected to the world and feels that the world is not connected to her. This leads her to flashbacks of her younger self when she had her whole life ahead of her. But now she feels lost without an identity of her own and the only identity she has is being labeled being her husbands wife. Lost in her mind, she comforts herself by stating she enjoys being isolated from the world. Septimus, similar to Clarissa’s feelings and thoughts, feels lost with no identity. But in his case it was due to PTSD, a health disorder no one would accept. As a veteran who suffered trauma and shock, he is told to “get over it” and “be a man.” Due to the harsh words, Septimus felt alone and struggled to express himself freely, he was isolated from the world as he cannot “be a man” or act they way society wants him to act.

Two people who have never met has their lives intertwined with the same feeling of isolation and oppression. Clarissa and Septimus both feel isolated from the world but fear the way society would react if they were to express themselves freely. With this fear, they both lack any type of relationship from the world and even with their spouses aside from the label of being married. Isolation and oppression has lead them to feel disconnected with the world, leaving them with a sense of non-existence.

Anita stepped out of her house, accepting the warm weather on her skin, she started to go on with her usual Tuesday journey to the train station. Along the way streets were filled with kids, how lucky it must be to be young and have a day off from school. As Anita got closer to the station, she realized that she was going to be late for class due to construction on the Manhattan bound side of the N train. Sighing and taking the extra effort to get to class, she then went to take the Coney Island bound N train to transfer to the Manhattan bound D train. The amount of people waiting for the same train is ridiculous; these must be the same people she misses when there is a Manhattan bound N train. Anita proceeds to take the D train to Broadway-Lafayette to transfer to the six train. Two stops later on the six train, at 23rd street station, she gets out of the wrong exit. Despite the extra street, the walk was pleasant and it was a change from the usual for Anita. As she approached Baruch, she realized she had time to buy coffee from the vendor who was staring into the abyss.

In the Paint and Sculpture I section, wall after wall, there were many lovely works of art. But the work of art that has captured my eye is called Bather by Pablo Picasso. The reason this oil painting caught my eye is not only because of the visual of how the female body is portrayed but also the description that came with it. In the description, the words that jumped out at me were ‘challenging pictorial conventions of beauty’ which made me revisit the painting. While analyzing the female body, I could not help but point out what is considered “flaws” in this society or specifically in the media, such as the way her limbs are not in proportion or the way she slouches and doesn’t watch her figure. This made me wonder if this is the response that Picasso was hoping for regarding challenging pictorial conventions of beauty. I personally think this painting of a nude female is definitely different, but also vaguely intriguing. I say vaguely intriguing because I am not sure what it is of the painting that encapsulates me. People may either agree or disagree with my opinion but I believe, in the end, it is hard to judge this painting and whether Picasso’s painting did a good job or bad job challenging conventional beauty because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

The voice of Philip captures us, which helps us submerge ourselves into the spoken words that describe not only her life but Douglass’ as well. Though the poem does not bluntly state the punishments and consequences that she and possibly Douglass had to go through, oppression was definitely shown.
“English is my mother tongue, a mother tongue is not a foreign language in which she slowly plays with the word until it transitions to anguish. Foreign anguish.
English is my father tongue, father tongue is a foreign language therefore English is a foreign language not a mother tongue.” Here she describes how she is oppressed due to not being able to speak her own language but something foreign and not familiar to her. The way she describes how a mother tongue is not a foreign language and a father tongue is a foreign language is similar to how a women would take up their spouse’s last name. When a woman takes up her spouse’s last name, she is losing her identity which is what Philip feel when she has to give up the language that she grew up with to speak a language that is more universal – English. While Philip had the luxury to learn English, Douglass did not. Yes, Sophia taught Douglass the alphabet and words, but this soon stops as Hugh finds out and demands Sophia to stop. Douglass was unable to fully learn the language oppressing him from the ability to communicate to the outside world. As Philip continue on with the poem, she reads “every slave caught speaking their own language will be severely punished.” For both Philip and Douglass, they were unable to make decisions on what they want or what made them comfortable whether it is their mother tongue or a new language allowing them to voice their opinions. This led to a foreign language to becoming a foreign anguish.

1. Bay Ridge Avenue (Bottom Point)

   “My tongue, every atom of my blood, form’d from this soil, this air,
   Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their parents the same” (Song of Myself, 1)

   This is the neighborhood I grew up in, the only area that brings me comfort and is my safe space because I know I am home. But, often times I find myself thinking how would life have been different if I was not born here, or if my parents decided to move away from their parents to venture out to another state. These thoughts have been reoccurring due to the curiosity of how different would I have been from the “me” I am now. But this place is the start of my journey, and that is unchangeable. 

2. Pace University (Second Point)

   “He looked down from on high, He beheld but five heaps, and He saw that in their own-being they were empty” (The Heart Sutra)

   Though I am not entirely aware of the meaning behind this line in the poem, this spoke out to me and how I felt at Pace University. At this place, I felt I was being held back from what I was capable of and was always put towards the side like a heap of dirty clothes. Many might argue with me I have it all wrong and I would be able to see the quality and beauty of the school if I tried, but being there I felt empty. While everyone had a specific goal, I was an empty being as I was unsure of what I wanted to be or where I wanted to be. I just knew that I did not want to stay at Pace University any longer leading me to Baruch College.

3. Baruch College (Top Point)

   “You will hardly know who I am or what I mean,
   But I shall be good health to you nevertheless” (Song of Myself, 52)

   This is the place where I am standing in life now. It took me a year and half to finally makeup my mind to switch out from Pace University and attend Baruch College. This was possibly the hardest decision I have made as I had to leave old friends to create new ones. As I’ve only been at Baruch for a semester, I have gained more help from advisors and professors here than I have at my year and half at Pace University. Like the line in the poem, I don’t know Baruch College and how it will be helpful to me, but I do know this is the place I will be seeing for another two years. 

I was unable to attach any type of media, here is the link where you can see the map of my Journey to Baruch: https://docs.google.com/drawings/d/1-injYZFH632ssXAqGvgqJhBvniCLlEWwtn1d4ODG-QI/edit?usp=sharing