Why is it that Douglass focuses so much on a master’s insistence that a slave be illiterate? Why not focus on something better known, like a slave’s struggle to work for said master? Instead, Douglass brings to light something that may not be obvious to the reader/audience. He desires to explain how this education that the slave master tries so hard to prevent is how he obtained the very freedom that has allowed him to write this autobiography. This text argues that education is the resource that frees slaves from their master, so depriving them of this resource illustrates the white man’s ultimate power to enslave. This essential power does not only take control of a slave’s body to produce hard labor, but also controls a slave’s mind and brainwashes him to think that he is not capable of anything else, nevertheless question being a slave. In order to demonstrate our claim, we will follow through on how Frederick Douglass got a hint of education from his mistress, but was stopped abruptly. Next, we will discuss Douglass’ consistent pursuement for further knowledge despite the method. Finally, we will look at how Douglass’ determination to be educated despite constant backlash from his master is what finally gives him the freedom he only used to read about.
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1. Hook. You have one, and it seems relevant, which is good. I don’t know that it is as compelling as you’d want it to be. Partly the question feels a little forced (and the move to say why doesn’t he focus on something else seems a little strained too). However you’re making the right gestures, and you can work on finessing these moves in revisions. B/B+
2. Transition. I think the good thing about your hook is that it sets you up for an intuitive transition, which is try to answer the question or set us up to believe that the thesis is an answer for the question. It’s not terribly flashy, but it works. A-
3. Thesis. I’m a little confused about where exactly your thesis begins and ends. You say “This text argues…” which sounds like a thesis, especially since I think you may be working with a formulation I gave you to help make sure your thesis is text based. However “This text argues…” sounds like an observation about what Douglass’s doing. Are you arguing that this text argues X? Or are you pointing out that this text argues X in order for you to argue Y? Part of my concern about not knowing exactly what your thesis is is that I suspect that you’re still struggling a bit to make a text-based thesis rather than a claim of your own about education’s power to free. HOWEVER there all kinds of signs that you are trying to get at a text based thesis. One you mention that the autobiography is itself a testament to the types of ideas it presents. (That right there could be the core of a strong thesis) You also want very much to show us that Douglass’s autobiography is thinking through ideas about the relationship between slavery and education. I think you guys have your head in the right place, but you need to keep working on how you articulate your ideas. C
Road map: You offer an explicit and mostly clear road map. The only thing that’s not clear is how these parts you will address help prove a text based thesis, but I actually think that’s really just related to the fact of my not knowing (and maybe too your not knowing) exactly what the thesis is. A
Total: B+/B