Please read this brief article by Caroline Kelly, “Keeping it Civil”. In the comments below, please identify one piece of advice from the article that you think we would all be wise to adopt and explain why you think it’s important. Describe an experience you’ve had in which you or someone else had difficulty keeping your cool while discussing something you both feel strongly about. What happened? Does this experience suggest any further insights into how to have these kinds of discussions? If so, share them here. Please share your comment by Monday, October 5th.
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One piece of advice that stuck to me is when the article states, “ Don’t view the conversation as an “ I win, you lose” debate. Rather, consider it an opportunity to understand the other person and the reasons behind that persons position”. One of the most recent experiences I had where someone could not keep their cool was in highschool. I had this friend that sadly had a falling out involving all six of us, and my school took matter in their own hands to prevent any further conflict before things got worse. They staged what you can call and intervention, where all 6 of us were sitting face to face and expected to talk about our issues to each other. My friend could not handle the pressure and responsibility that came with something like this and had a panic attack and started crying. It gave me insight to how to handle another situation like this because I realized, even more after reading the article that you can not force someone to engage in a conversation\debate that they are not ready for.
While reading the article, one piece of advice we should all adapt including me is, “Be prepared to remove [yourselves] from the conversation before [you] reach a point where you’re fully triggered”. From past debates I’ve partaken in, people tend to have subjective viewpoints during their phase of talking. Since the placement of emotion is potent in their rebuttals/words they tend to breakdown more, get angered more, and lose their cool. Sometimes I too have fell victim to this yet with practice this occurs little to no times during intense debates. I’ve picked up an objective and logical style of strategy during debates. For starters, I get into frequent arguments with a certain friend that I have. From where the train goes to political beliefs, it’s our thing to have different viewpoints. Yet, we found a way not to make things toxic since arguments and disagreements are frequent. So, when we argue, it always starts off as something little and grows into something bigger. This is simple enough to understand but the cause of why things get out of hand sometimes has a reason. He gets heated way too easily and no matter what, if he’s wrong he would try to find a loophole in order to make me look wrong. The conversation can go from talking about what phone is better, to him having something that I have, to be doing something wrong in the past. in retrospect, as I said before, having a subjective approach to debates tend to be your own downfall as seen in my friend.
I think a piece of advice that everyone should think before arguing about politics is “consider it an opportunity to understand the other person and the reasons behind that person’s position.” (Keeping It Civil) It’s essential to ask and learn the other person’s viewpoint before judging them or arguing about it. Whenever I have a conversation with something opposite of what I believe, I always hear them out and why they have this particular belief and try to understand them. This way, you are more peaceful and will not end up screaming. This applies to the other person, too; they should be able to hear out my viewpoint. This makes it easier to educate others. You’re not aggressive. .
continuing: An experience that I came across was when one of my friends admitted to being a republican, I was shocked, but I asked him why he picked that party. After he explained his viewpoint, I pinpointed certain things that the party did. I also tried my best to educate on how their belief can hurt others. I think the way we were able to communicate make it easier to get the message across without having any misunderstanding.
One intriguing piece of advice that stuck out to me was “Don’t attack someone’s personal beliefs either, because as Tamerius explains, we have strong emotional attachments to them…”. This statement is definitely important because many individuals tend to base judgements based on their own bias and beliefs. There are topics that may be sensitive towards individuals and people should respect each other’s opinion and not argue against them. There was this one time when my friend and I got into a heated argument. It was because she wasn’t contributing to the group project so I called her out and she got angry. It didn’t last long, things cool down because she told me an important matter she had to deal with outside of school and she couldn’t do her part of the project. This experience has taught me to be more open-minded. You don’t know what goes on in people’s life and you shouldn’t be quick to jump to conclusions and say “oh, he/she is lazy” or “he/she doesn’t care”. I think the key is being able to “understand” one another and clear any confusion.
One piece of advice from the article that we would all be wise to adopt would be, “Stay humble. […] ‘While you may be well educated on a topic, you don’t necessarily have all the answers.’” I think this is important especially during this crucial time that we be modest and be modest and realize as much as one person may think they know everything that no one has all the answers even if it is regarding a topic you are most passionate about because sometimes the other opposing person may be aware of certain situations or statistics the other person may not know.
I remember a time in high school my senior year, my friend and I were conversing about Bernie Sanders winning Vermont and Nevada and it was before Bernie dropped out so I was very much confident at that time that he would be the presidential nominee for the democratic party. Although, my friend said he had no chance because his campaign wasn’t funded the way his other opponents were (Biden). We argued back and forth but we came to the conclusion that we would just see how it would end up because we both knew we had no power on deciding who would win. This experience taught me that as much as we are passionate about a topic it is better to come to an agreement that we have different opinions and that is fine because we are all not alike but even if we do converse about our opinions that we do not comment or else it’ll start a bigger problem.
One piece of advice that Caroline Kelly suggests in her article, “Keeping it Civil”, that would be wise for everyone to adopt is to “consider it (the conversation) an opportunity to understand the other person and the reasons behind that person’s position”. This is well worded and resonates with me because I agree. It’s important to view every political debate/discussion as a conversation in which you both gain something from. It’s not supposed to be an argument or the type of conversation where one is right and one is wrong. Throughout high school, I have gotten into many political discussions that quickly escalated into an argument that accomplished nothing. This stems from my controversial beliefs in my neighborhood, my short temper, and the unprofessionalism that comes possibly from both sides at times. I’ve come to realize that arguing is useless. You must come to a mutual consensus or just agree to disagree in a calm, productive manner. That’s why I find it important to understand that each political discussion is to learn where the other person is coming from and genuinely attempt to gain or give unknown knowledge about the topic at hand. It’s always good to inform others or correct them if they are wrong but as long as it’s in a constructive way.
After reading the article one piece of advice that I suggest everyone should follow when having difficult conversations is approaching the conversation with an open mind. Consider it as an opportunity to understand another perspective. When we’re open to learning and understanding new things our chances of judging another individual for their beliefs are lower. Theres been many times where I’ve witnessed and participated in conversations that both parties had an extremely hard time keeping their cool down. In class debates is a setting where it’s even harder to keep your cool down because of the amount of people with different opinions. For example there was an in class debate where the topic of morals was brought up. Is it always morally right to tell the truth even if the truth might put someone in danger? From their the debate spiked because everyone has their own beliefs and values. I never have agreed to having in class debates about controversial topics. Although it’s a great way to listen to everyones opinions it’s even hard to really speak without being interrupted.
One piece of advice from the article that I think is really important is when it stated “don’t let unwittingly offensive remarks short-circuit the conversation.” And I feel like this is something I could take as well as everyone else. I have been tired of so many people in my personal life and on the internet being very uneducated on certain topics and then making offensive, and misinformed comments. And over the years I have become less tolerant of this. But if I took a moment to accept the fact that the world will always be full of people like this, then it would be easier to forgive quicker, and perhaps ignore or move on from it.
One experience I have had with another person in which we had difficulty keeping calm was one of my own family members. I have family with completely opposing political beliefs and the reasoning for this roots a lot of the race difference. So to me it was very difficult to listen to my own family member, same age, tell me that because of my race, I fit a list of stereotypes. That I’m a drug addict or will be (I’ve never done any drugs in my life) that I am less intelligent, that I am “ugly” or less beautiful because I am not blonde,blue eyed, or atleast white. It baffled me. Because yes she may be white and I’m not, but I had believed up to that point that perhaps since she had some family that were people of color (including me) that she wouldn’t have such a racist mindset. But I was wrong. And that infuriated me. But when I analyzed that discussion. I realized the reason why I was so angry at her dumb remarks. Because I did indeed, set the bar too high. How could I expect a girl, my own family, who grew up in a racist family, who bullied me during my childhood because of my skin color and hair, whos parents tried hurting me because of my race, to somehow grow up and then all of a sudden have all the knowledge and openmindess she lacked of? So if I would of instead of calmed down and realized that, she needs help, maybe I could found a way to help her get out of that mindset, and if there was no way to get her out, then maybe just peacefully walk away. But of course, this is difficult, it takes time to develop this tolerance, but with time, its possible.
One piece of advice that stood out to me was “While you may be well educated on a topic, you don’t necessarily have all the answers.” I think this statement is important, and very relatable to today, especially with the coronavirus, because everyday the number of cases and deaths either increase or decrease everyday, and nobody knows and if and when the second wave of this deadly virus is gonna happen. The only thing we probably know about this is the cause. I have had a difficulty keeping my cool, when I had went to a Model UN conference last January, and we were talking about solutions for poverty. The girl and I wanted to combine groups, because we had similar opinions. The girl was on board with the idea to combine groups, but didn’t want to include our ideas on solving poverty, and so we got into a heated argument, She was also very ignorant and kept rolling her eyes when she didn’t get her way. Eventually I talked with her other group members and my group and I got to include some of our ideas.