As his illness grew, Ivan Ilyich had a repeating cycle of fear and hope. He was terrified by the idea of death and what it could do to him. He would question himself if the illness was what death really is and that death would soon happen to everyone else. He wanted to feel better as he insisted that he was the first to die but he will soon be joined by the others in his family. With all these questions and thoughts that rosed to his head, lonliness came up.

“Then what does it mean? Why? It can’t be that life is so senseless and horrible. But if it really has been so horrible and senseless, why must I die and die in agony? There is something wrong!” (Tolstoy, 775). Here, Ivan questions death and himself as he’s alone after dismissing Gerasim. He cried alone and ask why death would come with pain and suffering. He couldn’t bear the fact that he was so helpless that his daily routines needed assistance from others.

As days went by, all Ivan could do was ask Gerasim to accompany him and help him around the house. Ivan could not bear the pain of being alone that it became a fear. Gerasim soon became his attachment or his essential need. From waking up to sleeping, Gerasim had to accompany him in order to make Ivan feel as if he wasn’t alone. Ivan dreaded loneliness and he could do nothing but ask for Gerasim.  How horrible is it that you’re not only suffering physically, but you’re also agonized mentally. His pain of being alone separated him from his family. His family didn’t understand the pain loneliness brought and could not help in any other way but to give him opium to ease  his pain.

The thought of being lonely raised many question to Ivan throughout his sick days. Did the physical pain hurt more, or did my mental thoughts hurt more? As days went by, all he could think of was his pass and how it led to his illness. The more he thought about the pass, the more pain he would inflict upon himself. Loneliness brought pain and questions to Ivan as he comes more ill. The terror of being alone not only brought pain to Ivan, but it also changed how he view himself.