- Blog Post #3
- Post 1: Media to Rep. You
- Post 2 : Monologue
- Post 3: Reflection
Author Archives: Carmen Liu
Posts: 2 (archived below)
I hate it when I actually really study and I blank out when the test is put in front of me. Like I understand everything while I’m studying… maybe I’m just a bad test taker. But it sucks to see my efforts going nowhere.
I know you’ve always said how you were tired of being the nice guy, and that’s how you’ve come to be who you are today. But have you ever thought; maybe I’m tired of being the nice one too? How come I have to go through how I feel right now because you were the one who got hurt by someone else? All I ever tried to prove to you was how much I really love you & that my feelings aren’t just a phase. I know I ended up doing and saying a lot of things that were uncalled for but in all honesty I was just so damn scared of losing you. I always try to better myself to prove to you that I won’t let myself be that naive little girl that let her insecurities get the best of her anymore, but have any of my efforts ever met your eyes? It sucks, not knowing when I let myself become so vulnerable to one person & not caring regardless of how many times I let myself get hurt. All this time my heart has convinced me that you are worth it & what we had just simply can’t be given up on. The road ahead of me doesn’t lead a way to a life without you being important to me, it’s like fighting to the very end is my only option. But no matter how much you mean to me, I can’t help but wonder if my importance even exists inside your heart, or have you just lost all faith in me already? Cause it really seems like it. It hurts, it really does & it just feels more uncomfortable with each day passing.
Most of my life I was never really sure of what I wanted, until it came to you. You showed me a different way to look at things and changed everything. It’s my fault you’re not mine anymore, it’s my fault I never realize what I have until it’s gone. But so much has passed now that when I look back I wish I could slap myself for doing/saying the things I did at those moments. My eyes have been opened up, for real – and never have I felt so much regret on my mistakes in my life. But what can I do now? I don’t even have the guts to try and be the way I was with you before. I feel like nothing but an annoyance to you, like I might as well be better off as a wall. I don’t want to feel this way either, trust me. It hurts. But no matter what I do, where I go, everything will always go back to you.