I Wake up, alarm went off
Eh, hit the snooze
Alarm goes off again,
Eyes open this time but once again hit the snooze
Mom comes in and the lights flick on
“Get out of bed you go in at 8:15”
I Shower and brush my teeth
“Those sweats should do…and yea that shirt I guess”
Race to the train, catch an A and try to get a seat even though that never happens.
A to the 4 to the 6, smell getting worse and space becoming more scarce
Walk to the building and spin through the door Into school
Up the escalator to the 10th…room 145 it’s time for English…and just like that the day ends before it even starts.

We’re getting closer.
Already we have been in school for 12 years of our life. All those early meaningless mornings now come to prove themselves. We are now going to school for what we want. We are half way through the semester, it seems like yesterday we just started.

It all started nice and easy;
Now we’re stressed about pre-calculus.
English is driving us insane.
The one we thought would drive us crazy,
Is now the one who entertains us.

Things have not played out as planned,
History is now one of my favorite classes.
We’ve enhanced our worldly knowledge.

This is just the beginning, next semester we’ll be heading towards our majors.
Most of us won’t be together but this precious time we’ll always remember.

Monologue by Tanveer Alam

I have a confession.

I’m dying.

But, I’m dying from a disease that almost all of us are dying from too. Let me explain.

We’re all dying to get that 4.0 GPA. We’re all dying for our day to end. We’re all dying to get that internship. We’re dying to pass that math test. Only a year ago, we were dying to finish highschool and now, what are we doing? We’re dying to finish college.

I feel like-

I feel like all we do nowadays is just die. We spent so much time in our thoughts thinking about the future, thinking about tomorrow, that we forgot about whats in front of us, we forget about the present.

I don’t mean to say, that grades, and finding a job aren’t important, but there’s so much more.

See, the thing is, when we spend so much time dying, we don’t realize, and we forget that we lose something very precious, very important. Something we can never get back.

Time.

And, I don’t want to lose so much time, that one day I look back at my life and realize that I spent so much time “dying” to do this and that, that I forgot to live.

A wise man once said, “YOLO”, or You only live once.

But, the sad fact is that most of us spent our lives dying. Living is so much more than just breathing. It’s about friends, and family. It’s about laughter, and love. It’s about watching those movies when you should be studying, it’s about getting pancakes for dinner, it’s about taking a chance.

Life is about the moments that you will never find the words to describe. So, I’ve made a confession, but now I’m going to make a choice. And, that choice is that I choose to live.

Everyone tells you about the fun you’ll have when you go to college. But they forget to tell you about the stress you’ll get from teachers, tests and even making friends. When I was going to my first class, I was so nervous, I didn’t know what to expect. Everything was so different, I knew no one in my class and I wasn’t sure how everyone would act towards each other. I was afraid that my professors would be hard on me or wouldn’t like me. However, once I got to my first class everything felt so much better. I was no longer nervous, I actually felt excited. Going to college was a big deal, and I felt like I was growing up. I remember having a sweet 16, and that’s when everyone said I was a “woman” but honestly, I didn’t feel like an adult until I walked into the doors of Baruch. Everyone and everything looked to different to me, but I was eager to explore the campus. Now that I’m getting into the hang of everything, I realize that it’s not all that bad. I admit, it’s stressful at times, but I know I can handle it. One thing I learned is to not be lazy, which is the hardest thing for me to do.

The last time I remember actually enjoying going to school was in elementary school. During middle and high school, I remember dreading having to wake up and spend at least 6 hours in a place that meant nothing. I don’t really remember why I enjoyed elementary school and not middle or high school. I guess it was because most of my class was friends with each other and there was no division among us. Also, it was a time when we had to learn the basic things we needed to know in life. It was pretty easy and I remember having classes that I enjoyed. Once I had to move on to middle school, I didn’t really know what to expect. I had to go to a different middle school than all of my friends in elementary school because the schools depended on the zone you lived in. So first day of middle school, I didn’t know anybody. It took a few days for me to finally make a friend and she ended up being one of my 3 best friends from middle school. Middle school was an awkward journey. I felt like the class was divided into groups and there was some tension between me and my friends with some other girls in the class. It was also a time that some bullying went on. I remember just waiting for the time to go by and for high school to come. I couldn’t wait to get away from that school and start a new journey. Although I did love my friends and miss them, I’m glad middle school is over with. Then came high school. I went to a small high school in the lower east side. Again, I didn’t know anybody and I talked to a few people but didn’t really make a good friendship with anybody. I felt like the classes were just there because we had to take them and that I wasn’t really learning anything useful. Also, since it was a small school, there weren’t many advanced classes so the learning was limited. I planned to transfer high schools but my first choice didn’t accept me and I didn’t want to go to my second choice anymore. So I ended up staying there. By sophomore year, things got a little better. I met someone that made me want to go to school although I still felt that the classes were just something I had to get through. Even though I gained a bit of motivation to go, I still didn’t enjoy it very much. I couldn’t wait to go to college. High school ended up passing by faster than I expected it to and know I’m finally in college. This time, I’m not complaining. I finally feel like there is actually a purpose for waking up early in the morning and coming here. Although college professors assign a lot of work and reading, and it gets tough sometimes, I’m learning a lot of new things and feel like I’ve become more independent. I have come to realize that middle school and high school were just the steps that I needed to take to end up here, in college, a time that I began to appreciate and enjoy.

Why are we so impatient?

We can’t wait for this.
We can’t wait to get that.
We can’t wait to finish college.
We can’t wait to get those shoes.
We can’t wait to find love.
We can’t wait to have this job.
We can’t wait to find happiness.
We can’t wait…to age.

But why are we so impatient?

Why are we always looking to fast forward?
Why are we addicted to instant gratification?
What happened to patience is a virtue?
It’s like patience is looked down upon while impatience is praised.
It’s like we’re never satisfied with our current state of living and when we’re sitting one day we’ll reminisce and start wishing.

I wish I can go back to work.
I wish I can go back to college.
I wish I was young… again.

But that STILL doesn’t answer why we’re so impatient.
And the answer to this question is unique to every person.
No, this is not an excuse for me not to give you the answer because… I don’t know the answer myself.

To me, the constancy of an individual’s personality is loosely defined. I operate on various levels; don’t fit me into one picture frame. I’m a multitude of women, and over a thousand reflections. You need only look into the dresser to find me.

I’m currently the perfect college sweater. There’s so much energy, so much team spirit. Everything’s bright and optimistic and I know for sure that whatever I’m rooting for is going to win. The only thing I need is the name of my pride emblazoned over my heart like an emblem.

Sometimes, though, I’m the bright pink skirt with pearl edging. I pair myself with a lot of sugar, and chocolate is a necessity of life. I fight with people over the right to sit in the spinny chair and I draw smiley faces on my friends’ notebooks.

Meanwhile, as everyone knows, these are the clothes they can’t quite wear yet but would love to:

The black dress is a woman who’s very proud of her sexuality, and her power. She doesn’t hesitate to smile with red lipstick, and she always goes with high heels.

Then there’s a dark blue blazer: she’s sleek, friendly and yet professional. She’s sharp enough to focus whenever she chooses, blunt enough to say what she needs to say. There’s a weariness to her but that’s simply the perfume of hard-earned experience.

So with my words and decisions I weave my fabric of existence. My power is the ability of self-definition, and I have no need of a dictionary for that.

When I was around 9, I played for a soccer club team called Chernomorets. In the summer I was in the team’s camp and something happened that I will never forget. The camp would go to some public school for lunch, because the school gave out free lunches for camps. My teammates and I would always go to the bodega that was down the block just to get some snacks and candies. Some kids on the team would always grab snacks and stuff into each others’ bags, only purchasing a soda or a drink. For the one dollar that they paid for the drink they would have 2 bags of chips, baby bottle pops, and skittles stuffed in their bags. A week or two go by and nobody is getting caught so soon most of the kids are doing it. 15-20 of us enter the bodega and certain people would be the ones to buy drinks, certain people would carry the bookbags, and certain people would be stuffing food into the bags. It was all a game to us and seemed like a challenge. Who could take the most while paying the least and still not get caught. Believe it or not this is very illegal and dangerous. I found that out the hard way. I just finished my lunch and was going to the bodega with a couple of my friends when we saw that there was a cop car there and one of the older kids on the team was in cuffs. It turns out the manager saw him stuffing the food into a bag and called the cops on him. The cops happened to be in the area so they were there within minutes. Seeing my friend opened my eyes to the fact that stealing was a crime and that there were serious consequences to it. As fun and cool as it may seem in the moment, stealing is never okay and you should never do it. Once I realized how illegal and how serious it really was, I haven’t even had a thought about it. Stay safe guys and don’t be oblivious to the real world around you!

Image.

I look back at my life

As it changes,

When I am freed from my cages

In the stages,

Of embarrassing phases,

So I turn the pages.

And love different people and places

But drool over the same beautiful bodies and faces

So I keep up with the latest

Ill be loud and vivacious

Girly and flirtatious

But deep down I want warm embraces

And for you to be there for me – whatever the case is

We live in a world that is outrageous

Where you are always expected to be gracious

Make it seem like life is painless

And only the privileged can achieve greatness

So when I am in my old ages

And done working for my wages

I want to be remembered as courageous

And set an example that is contagious

Stop being embarrassed and start being shameless

Stray away from sameness

Because you will be faceless and nameless

For what will you be famous?

It won’t be painless, but you will achieve greatness.