2) Our section should either be put at the beginning, or in the middle.
3) Using a phrase like “Our first/second suggestion to improve the Baruch experience is to make dorm life better”
4) things that are needed bold – it’s fine to cut down on the sentences/words, but keep the general meanings of the bolded parts.
5). things that can definitely be cut italicized
Dorm life has been a quintessential trademark of the college life for a long time. The dorms encourage students to make friends, provide students with their first taste of independence and help create a learning environment with many scholars under one roof. The principle purpose of dorms is to make the college feel like the students’ second home. When people think of dorms, they think of a feeling of closeness existing between the student and his/her campus. However, the Baruch dorms fail to provide that feeling of closeness. The college is located on 23rd street and Lexington avenue, while the dorms are all the way on 97th street and 3rd Ave 70 blocks away,, which equates to a half hour commute if the students are lucky. Often they aren’t – the 6 train is either delayed or has planned work 23% of the time. This is in addition to the fact that students have to pay around $800 dollars a year in subway costs, while already paying around $12,000 in room and board costs. There are ways to make the dorms feel closer. A very plausible solution to this distance issue is to follow the example of City College of New York and implement a shuttle bus service. While a shuttle bus service won’t physically make the dorms and college closer, it will create a feeling of closeness. Maybe one day the CUNY system will do a major reorganization of the dorms in its colleges and switch the Baruch dorms with the Hunter dorms that are located near Baruch, thus making each dorm closer to its respective college. However, right now what a shuttle bus service will allow the students to do, is to travel to and from school in an easy fashion. Of course, simply saying shuttle buses should be implemented isn’t all it takes to accomplish that task. The financial burden it would take must be taken into consideration. The shuttle bus service, would run three times in the morning and three times in the evening. We have calculated that each student who dorms could pay $500 more a year to cover for most of the cost – the rest of the cost would just amount to five dollars per student who doesn’t dorm. We have taken into account the cost of the buses, bus driver salaries, and the cost of gas. We are, of course, open to discussing how we did our calculations with you, since we’re sure you have more financial information than us, but we are sure that we’re in the right ballpark. Dormers already have to pay around $800/year for subway fare, so paying the $500 would actually save them money, along with creating a genuine dorming experience. Living in New York City has its advantages and faults. Unfortunately, the students of Baruch will never truly have the full dorming experience due to the city’s limits. The Baruch administration can bring the students of the dorms closer to that experience by making the college campus feel like home. Facilitating the feeling of closeness is possible with the shuttle bus service, and if the administration is willing to work with students, Baruch will be able to provide its dorming population the full college experience. |