Group 1
Akshay
Emir*
Daisy *
Group 2
Danay*
Aidan*
CJ
Group 3
Ilias*
Katrina
Taseer *
Group 4
Jordan
Kelsey*
Shin*
Group 5
Samie
Kayla*
Franklin*
Group 6
Sherpa*
Abby
Kwame*
Group 7
Judith
David*
Moctar*
Group 8
Vanessa*
Amson*
Anthony
Monthly Archives: September 2016
Revision Strategy Worksheet
[Part of your peer-review grade depends on your thorough and timely completion of the below worksheet. The purpose of the worksheet is to help you reflect on the peer-review experience, and to utilize that feedback while it is still fresh in your mind to make a revision strategy. You may also download a Word version of this worksheet, by clicking the following link: revision strategy worksheet ]
Revision Strategy Worksheet
Due electronically by Wednesday, September 21 at 8:30 pm
Your Name:
Name of people in peer review group:
1) Summarize your experience of the workshop. (Your summary should answer the following questions: How do you feel about sharing and getting response back? How do you feel about reading your paper aloud? Did you feel supported by your group?)
2) To the best of your understanding, what did your group see as the strongest and weakest aspects of your current draft?
3) Reflecting on the feedback you received, what piece of feedback do you most agree with (and/or what makes most sense to you)?
4) Reflecting on the feedback you received, what piece of feedback is the most difficult to take in (because you disagree and/or you don’t understand the feedback)?
5) In order of importance, name 4 things that need to be fixed in this draft. At least 3 of the things on the list should be substantial revisions rather than small edits. (Ex. small edits: fixing typos on page two and adding a period in the last sentence.)
6) Identify 2 SUBSTANTIAL items from that list that you want to focus on.
7) Describe your plans for fixing these two items? What will you do SPECIFICALLY? You can give me a timeline for working? You can tell me that you will go back to text and think more about how such and such a word will work? You can tell me that you will reverse outline your paper so you can figure out BLANK?
Crafting a Thesis Recap
Object (What thing will I actually be analyzing in this paper?)
-object vs. universal. you should not be writing about a universal concept or abstract idea. (You are not writing about Freedom or Equality. You are not writing about the perseverance of the human spirit).
-scope of object. your object (i.e. text) should be something you can put your finger on. It should be something you can bring to class, and show to the class. So even though Marilyn Monroe is not an abstract concept, you cannot bring her into class (not only because she is not alive, but also because she doesn’t belong to you and she is not available for your personal analysis). You can however bring a film clip from her last film OR a letter she wrote to a friend, which you found in an archive OR a passage from the most famous biography on her OR a shoe she used to own and then you paid a ridiculous amount of money on to purchase on ebay. In this event your object is not Marilyn Monroe; your object is the letter or the shoe.
Argument (After analyzing the text, what is my claim about how I see some aspect of this text working?)
-arguable. are you making a claim that has to be proved and can be question or challenged? Or are you giving summary? or restating the explicit main point?
-analytic not evaluative. If the stakes of your argue are really about judging the quality of the text or its author or its message, then you might have an evaluative argument. Evaluative arguments only really work when 1) we’ve invested in the evaluator’s expertise and 2) when we actually want/need evaluation.
-scope of argument.
-Is your argument actually about what some part of your object is? (Or are you writing above the object and maybe vaguely using the object as an example?)
-Are you addressing what the text does or just the content in the text? So yes, maybe the letter from Marilyn Monroe tells us about a birthday celebration where she and a group go to a restaurant and laugh and dance all night. Okay that’s the content. But how does the letter relay that information? Does it do it in elaborate detail? Is it whimsical? Does it seem to apologize for having fun? What is the tone? Does she tell jokes? You should be making a claim about how the letter works to communicate X (or challenge Y or promote J or to style the speaker as Z).
-Have you narrowed down the specific textual aspect and the specific argument you’re making? If you argument statement could be applied generally to any part of Douglass’s speech or even to any political speech in general, then your argument is too broad.
Group B post
“Man, where is your part?” a question made by Sojourner Truth in her “Address at the Woman’s Rights Convention” in Akron, Ohio. This question, found in the Robinson version, was made to bring to attention all that women can do and have done throughout the years. For example, she claims that women can “plow, reap, chop, mow, and husk” exactly as much as men do while also, questioning if they can do more than that. In the Gage version however, it opens up by explaining the difference between what should be the treatment of all women but only happens in the North. In the North, women are being helped into carriages and over ditches meanwhile, the southern women, like her, are forced to plow, plant, receive lashes, etc. And she questions, “Aren’t I a woman?”
Woman’s rights and equality issues have been discussed for decades in all kinds of political gatherings and events. But why is it that, even after being spoken about for so long there is still no change? As Sojourner Truth eloquently expressed in her speech, women can work just as hard as men and still not be granted the same rights as men. But what should further astonish you is that this is still very much alive and an issue today.
UN Women Goodwill Ambassador Emma Watson gave a well-known speech at the United Nations Headquarters, where she fully attacked the issue of gender inequality and woman’s rights. She spoke about the issues not only considering the gender pay gap, but also how women still are not receiving a secondary education in some countries, and continue to be married off as children. In her speech, she brings upon calling forth both men and women into action but in particular men. As Watson expresses in her speech, men have long been afraid of the word feminism due to the negative connotation that feminism means man hating. And as she clearly exclaims it has to stop, but why is it that the word feminism or simply a woman who seeks to be paid the same as her male counterparts, be seen as intimidating or rather appalling?
http://www.unwomen.org/en/news/stories/2014/9/emma-watson-gender-equality-is-your-issue-too
Declaration of Independence
The Declaration of independence is held in its spirit. Today it is celebrated as the day the United States of America was born with fireworks and barbecue. The signed document by representatives in the summer of 1776 lists the causes of the intentions for political separation from King George III. Several abuses endured by the Thirteen Colonies made it imperative for a revolution, as petition resulted in much harm. Freedom from oppression was a necessity and now is.
The people have a right to change or bring to an end any government that does not support the safety and happiness of the governed. Although the Declaration suggests the former, it notes that it might not be best for established governments to be changed on trivia and short-term issues. There have been changes in power from Democrats to Republicans and Republicans to Democrats since the Declaration of Independence. Do these suggest that generations has suffered similar causes and thereby felt the need to change governments? .
We have seen in the past two decades, that terrorists have oppressed the United States of America. This can be seen through the 9/11 attacks and other bombings and shootings.
This Brings me to Donald Trump Ideas of upholding the Constitution or Declaration of Independence as thought out by the founding fathers. He has claimed on many points that the current government has failed on matters of the constitution.
Thus, his rigorous policies on immigration, border protection and terrorism. He considers these policies as a means of protecting the rights of the Citizens and legal residents of United States. He demonstrates illegal immigrants in the nation, Mexicans trying to cross the border and certain groups like Muslims trying to enter the country to be a threat. A threat to safety and happiness of “We The People”. Illegal immigrants increases health care, welfare, housing and educational costs and crimes to Americans, he enumerates But one will consider his assertions carefully, is he just thinking contrary to the Declaration of independence?. The Declaration states that all men are created equal, Trump suggests ending of birthright Citizenship.
Hancock, J. “Declaration of Independence” Avalon Project – Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776. Yale Law School, 2008. Web. 05 Sept. 2016.
FoxBusinessNetwork. “Trump: We Will Build a Great Wall along the Southern Border.” YouTube. YouTube, 31 Aug. 2016. Web. 11 Sept. 2016.
By a 2:1 Margin, Voters Say It’s the Wrong Policy, including Harry Reid Who Said. “Immigration Reform.” Make America Great Again! N.p., n.d. Web. 11 Sept. 2016.
Post B
Sojourner Truth, a key figure in the woman’s rights debate during the 1850s helped unite women and argue for their equality to men. Her speech at the woman’s right convention in Akron Ohio as Robinson interprets was very important in its emphasis and variety of ways of showing how women are the same as men. From arguing she has “as much muscle to any man” to using a reference to the bible it was able to spread and connect with all kinds of different people.
Today one of the key arguments in the election is regarding immigrants and their rights. What gives an illegal immigrant rights in this country? And what rights are they entitled to? In America it seems very easy to overthink that we took land forcefully, whether from the Native Americans or even the Mexicans who owned territories that are now a part of the Southern states in America. Trump argues all illegal Mexicans should be deported and a wall should be built to keep them out. He even hints at the idea of not allowing any Muslims into the country.
This ignorant, somewhat white supremacist mentality is very similar to the one Sojourner Truth faced in the mid to late 19th century. To isolate a group of people for their race/heritage or religion is no better than the years when women and African Americans were oppressed by the government and the majority of Americans. Trumps seemingly idiotic and radical thoughts have swept America and he now somehow has a serious chance at winning this election, this countries past experiences such as that with Sojourner Truth and woman’s rights should be an example of what should not be repeated.
Group B post
Why does a woman not deserve equal rights as men? Robinson Version talks about the different things that men and women are similar in. Women worked in the fields as much as men did, they were as strong as men were. She questions whether it’s the religious belief that has left men with this image about girls not being capable of doing what should and should not be done. but doesn’t a women deserve a second chance? Gage Version talks about how ideally a woman is supposed to be treated in the society but in reality she is treated the complete opposite. She points out that even in bible the woman plays an important role.
More than a hundred years later and we still face gender inequality. In the past, women physically did the same job as men. As Robinson Version explained, “I can carry as much as any man, and can eat as much too, if I get it.” Even when women are working in the same field and are performing the job as good as a man, why is it so difficult to see that we stand equal. If women are capable of completing the same task as men, why are we not given the same rights? Is it the picture that society has painted about women, that makes them look down upon us?
In the article ‘Women’s rights and opportunities,’ it says, “Women earn less than men across our economy – and women of color often lose out the most.” We seem to still be stuck in the same notion about gender equality. That women deserve less and they are weaker than men. In a country that boast about its freedom and unity and its protected rights, we fail to give women the rights they deserve.
Why do you think so many other countries have surpassed us and we still struggle with this topic?
Group B post
“ADDRESS AT THE WOMEN’S RIGHT’S CONVENTION IN AKRON, OHIO” (29,MAY 1851) was a speech given by Sojourner Truth, a women’s right activist. This speech compares the strengths of men and women and questions why men have more rights than women. Truth states that “I am as strong as any man that is now”. She gives us an insight into all the things that men do that she; as a woman can also do. She also explains what she can do that men cannot. Women are viewed as inferior to men and problematic. Truth talks about how “Eve caused man to sin”. She believes that women should be given the chance to make things right in the world. She also talks about the roles that women have in this world. Women are viewed as inferior yet are able to do more significant things that men can never do.
“The hidden sexism that could sway the Election” by Daniel Bush, is a text that describes sexism in the 2016 election. Sexism has been a crucial topic for this election because for the first time, a woman is chosen as a front runner. Hillary Clinton is said to be unqualified and untrustworthy. Her gender is used as a reason as to why she should not ,become President. She is believed to be using her gender as a way to get votes. Based on Truth’s example of Eve, Hillary is described in this same perspective. She is seen as manipulative just like Eve who manipulated man to sin.
The rights of women are still limited in this modern day and age. From the 1800s until today, many changes have been made to the constitution and yet women are still viewed as inferior. Truth spoke about the problems seen in our society that needs change but till now, little change has been made because of the mindset that most people have about this issue. Why are women seen as weak? What will it take for men and women to be seen as equal? I am very curious to know where the roots of sexism came from and if it can ever be reversed.
Contemporary text: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/features/hidden-sexism/
Group B Post
SOJOURNER TRUTH “ADDRESS AT THE WOMAN’S RIGHTS CONVENTION IN AKRON, OHIO” (29 MAY 1851) was one of the best know speech given by a women’s rights activist, Sojourner Truth. In this text, Truth sarcastically compares her ability against man that she can do anything that man can do and sometime she can do even more than man can do. Truth is declaring her ability is as equivalent as any man by repeating “as any man”, and claiming women do not receive as much rights “as any men”. Truth is accusing men for not giving women rights as man while it cost no risk to any man, and by not being able to do so, Truth insists that men are poor and useless with sampling the story from the bible when Jesus helped Lazarus. Truth concludes with that men were even nothing to do with Jesus’s birth and women gave Jesus a birth. Therefore, Truth finds men are in bad place and soon will the situation will be fixed I her last sentence “But man is in a tight place, the poor slave is on him, woman is coming on him, and he is surely between hawk and buzzard.”
In the recent presidential election, candidate Donald Trump accused candidate Hillary Clinton that reason she is in the position where she is because she is taking an advantage of being a woman, and if Clinton were not a woman, she would not have as many votes as she deserves today. Trump is accusing that Clinton uses her gender as a card to put her in the better place, and Clinton replies that it is right to use that card to fight for women’s right.
These two texts left me think that what is the difference between being fair and equal to each other when men and women are obviously not equal physically to begin with? Is it ultimately better to be equal in every aspect? It is the clear fact in the history, women had not been treated as equal “as any man”, and like Truth were fighting to deliver equal rights for women, the fight still continues today.
Source: “Women’s rights and Opportunity”
Group B Post
“What to the Slave Is the Fourth of July” was a speech given by Frederick Douglas on July 5. Douglas tries to focus on how these American values of freedom and liberty can’t be celebrated on the 4th of July by African Americans in the same way they can be celebrated by white Americans. Douglas knows he is giving this speech to primarily white listeners, and thus uses repetition and rhetorical questions to help them understand why it is he can’t celebrate this ‘national’ holiday in the same way that they can. Douglas repeatedly uses ‘you’ and ‘your’, especially the phrase ‘your fathers’ in order to create a sense of distance between him and the audience. The repetition instills the image in the listeners heads that they don’t share the same background as him, and more importantly that their ‘fathers’ didn’t create the country with his best interest in mind. Douglas also uses rhetorical questions to get the listeners thinking about this holiday that they celebrate as he says, “What have I, or those I represent, to do with your national independence?” and “Are the great principles of political freedom and of natural justice, embodied in the Declaration of Independence, extended to us?”. This brings listeners back to his main focus, being that Douglas doesn’t feel he can participate in these patriotic celebrations because freedoms and values that have been celebrated have been denied to African-Americans.
In October of 2015, Bernie Sanders gave a speech in support of immigration and a path to citizenship for undocumented people in the country that were being mistreated and exploited. Whereas Douglas uses repetition to create a sense of distance between the two groups, Sanders uses repetition to create a feeling of unity. Sanders says, “Their story, my story, our story, is a story of America.” and his following sentences begin with ‘It is a story…”. By using repetition of the word story, Sanders creates a feeling unification and wants listeners to understand that these immigrants are the same as us. Sanders tries to appeal to the listener’s pathos and cause listeners to feel sympathy for them as he details their exploitation and struggles, just as the listener’s ancestors likely had. Sanders also uses rhetorical questions to make the listeners think about and feel sympathy for these immigrants as he says, “But how many more Immokalees are out there? How many fields or factories are there where people are used up and thrown away?”.
Although used for different purposes (distance vs. unity), both Bernie Sanders and Frederick Douglas use repetition and rhetorical questions to further their arguments and create a distinct image in listener’s heads.
- Which use of repetition do you think is more effective? One that creates a more negative image (distance) or one that creates a more positive image (unity).
- Does creating sympathy for the groups being mistreated help or detract from the speaker’s focus?
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/what-to-the-slave-is-the-fourth-of-july/
http://www.latintimes.com/bernie-sanders-immigration-read-full-speech-presidential-candidates-address-naleo-324484