Imagine the perfect college. It has beautiful scenery with freshly cut grass and evergreen trees. It has the best faculty, dedicated to students’ needs and learning. It has professors and students peacefully leaning against trees and discussing the work of Shakespeare. The students are in an environment that removes stress and allows them to capture the essence of the piece of literature that they are studying. This college is not beyond our grasp, nor is it without its practical advantages. In fact, studies such as the ones done by Classroom in Nature show that learning outside a classroom increases students’ cognition and comprehension through using their senses such as sight and sound. It also created a stronger bond between students and teachers because they had more practical conversations and students saw teachers in a different perspective. Furthermore, the students were more engaged and less inhibited when they weren’t confined to a classroom. This yielded an overall more productive learning environment.
However, there is another way in which nature can benefit a college campus. According to a study done by mental health experts at the University of Exeter Medical School, greenery can significantly improve mental health in the long run and lower stress levels. The experts found that as people moved to neighborhoods with more greenery, their mental health benefits lasted for at least three years. Think of the impact this can have on the Baruch community. By incorporating greenery into the Baruch campus, we can increase the mental health levels of our student body for years to come. With the stresses of college life, a few trees or pots of flowers could have a major impact on students during times of high stress, like finals week. We can look to City College, a fellow CUNY School in Manhattan, for a model of incorporating greenery. CCNY has been working on a project in which the design for the new buildings integrates ample green space and even includes a green-roof. Their dedication to environmental sustainability is something we too can achieve at Baruch. If a majority of the students who wanted more nature worked on planting trees, we would have made a huge difference at a low cost. In fact, we could even bring in some people from “Million trees NYC,” a volunteer project to plant 1 million trees in NYC, to come down to 23rd and Lex and help create a greener campus. We acknowledge that Baruch has limited campus space, nowhere near as much as CCNY’s 35 acres, but there are always alternatives we can consider.
One such is alternative Union Square Park, which would serve as a great place for students to relax and study, as it is only 12 blocks away from the Vertical Campus.
There, students can eat with friends, as well as bring their computers to use the park’s free Wi-Fi while spending time outdoors. Baruch students would benefit in many positive ways from going on a stroll over to Union Square Park and just taking in the greenery.
The chance of incorporating more greenery into the lives of Baruch students is not only beneficial, but also it is feasible as well. Baruch has a variety of financial sources that could fund this project. Tuition, fees and donations are always options, but it is comforting to know that there are alternative sources to help bear this burden. A great example would be the State Legislature, which could not only provide much needed funds for Baruch but could help with the overall strategic planning as well. What’s even better are the other options Baruch may choose from: Tax-Exempt Lease-Purchase Agreements allow flexibility, compared to traditional financing, by allowing college facilities the opportunity to assimilate standardized green utilities. In addition, other financial agreements, such as Public-Private Agreements, can help with the research and financing needed in order to send Baruch down the path towards being a greener school. For example, the New York Restoration Project is a non-profit organization that aims to create or restore green spaces in the city. According to St. John’s newsletter from Spring 2009, this organization previously worked with St. John’s University to plant trees on its Queens and Staten Island campuses. Professional organizations and groups aren’t the only places we can look to for help. There is the option of receiving help from student organizations, student clubs, or students that simply want to contribute to increasing greenery on the campus. A suggestion of a method to get students involved is to offer them community service hours in exchange for their time and efforts. Our choices aren’t limited. There are various methods to approach incorporating greenery into the campus and funding the projects. A change in scenery can benefit the mental health of students and faculty as well as help promote student involvement in nature and the community.
Dorms-Shuttle Bus Plan
1. In this argument, the numbers seem to be the most compelling support. The group clearly states the numbers that are directly involved with the plan. They prove to show through the numbers that the plan can be implemented, and seems to be reasonable. The argument also supplies an example of another situation similar to that of Baruch’s dorm, and in that situation the problem has been solved the same way.
2. In this argument, the support relies mainly on the numbers. The argument should use some more persuasive language. Along with that, the argument should maybe add a personal anecdote.
3. This argument shares the idea of improving the life of the student body. Like the idea of the dorms-shuttle bus plan, the other sections deal with the idea of creating space for students, and fixing the commutes (vertically) of the students.
4. In this argument the numbers need to maybe be cited as to where they came from or how it was calculated. The inclusion of the persuasive language would also really help to get the argument across.
1. This argument’s most compelling aspect to it is its elaboration on the proposal, reasons, supporting details as well as the implementation of such an undertaking. Another compelling aspect to this essay is the general flow of things and how it connects paragraph to paragraph.
2. What isn’t compelling about this is that it oversees an audience a bit too much and although it may be effective, especially in persuading, it may lose its element of persuasion when asked the question of finances, specifically, as in the pros and cons of the financing opportunities that may be accessed.
3. This essay shares the argument of improving student life with a rather unexpected topic on green space rather than the fully tangibility of the Vertical Campus to the dorms. It talks about the environment in which Baruch college students live through and experience in very subtle ways and why, how and what should be done to make progress towards such a project.
4. The issues this essay presents is the overall message that although is effective, has some minor default. In this case, the default would be that the essay persuades the reader/audience of implementing this idea but does not necessarily engage them, as the financing opportunities along with the evidence and claim of a green campuses benefits may be opposed with a question on whether there is a substantial amount of assistance from other organizations when tackling a green project.
1) In this section, I thought the amount of suggestions that were offered really stood out. The part in the first paragraph where the studies about classrooms in nature helping students’ cognition and comprehension was also very compelling.
2) In this section, the writing needs to be a bit more persuasive about how the plan is going to be financed. Also, the audience should be addressed a bit more clearly.
3) This section was similar to the other sections in that it tries to raise attention to how the students can be affected, allowing students to relate to the situation.
4) In the sentence, “This yielded an overall more productive learning environment,” clearly tell what “this” is.
1. Starting off with the visual is a good technique, especially when it’s followed by facts that back up the visual’s point. Mentioning the study helped establish this section’s credibility right away. Going back in the end and stating the mental improvements that can be made due to outdoor spaces helped keep the study mentioned in the beginning fresh in the mind
2. The part of the argument that mentions Union Square Park makes the rest of the argument seem pointless, because it’s a free solution to the green space problem. A change that can be made is leaving this argument out, or making this the main point and the rest as an alternative.
3. This section shows how the students’ performance in school can improve with the proposed change, and the vertical movement does the same when it mentions saving time.
4. In the last paragraph financing is the main point, but actual figures aren’t mentioned, or even estimates. This can make it seem like the mention of the costs is intentionally avoided.
1. By focusing on more than just the aesthetics of greenery, the argument seems much more compelling.
2. Like it was pointed out by several others, by mentioning Union Square Park as one of the only alternatives, it weakens our argument greatly. Instead, it would be better to explain how this park can be used as a wise alternative in the case of a low budget (i.e. Baruch can rent parts of the park or hold more programs there in an effort to bring greenery to more students).
3. The example of City College also comes up in the Dorm essay.
4. I think we need a stronger conclusion and maybe some numerical data (particularly for the financing of such projects).
1. The essay started off with giving the audience an image, which was helpful in getting their attention. I thought it was effective when the group incorporated scientific facts about mental health and how it could improve the environment at Baruch. The group also provided various alternatives to approach the issue and to fund for any plans.
2. Although there were many facts and logic presented, I did not think the essay was very clear in addressing the audience and persuading them. I believe the group could indirectly make it clear who the audience was in their first paragraph.
3. A commonality that this part had with the other parts was that they all focused on students’ needs and how their student lives at Baruch would be improved. It was also similar with the part talking about Vertical Movement in the way that both parts presented alternatives and suggestions to solve the issue.
4. I felt as though the part with Union Square Park was abrupt and unnecessary. Although it was a good example to put in the essay, the group could try to connect it more to their main issue and elaborate on it.
1. What is most compelling about this argument are the reasons and details they gave. The argument provided many reasons as to why a green space would benefit the students at Baruch.
2. What was not as compelling about this argument was the ending of the first paragraph. The beginning caught the audiences attention and helped build an image in my mind. However, towards the end of the first paragraph, I felt as if they jumped right into studies and facts.
3. This section relates to both of the other sections in the fact that this could help the students. They all have a focus on the students and what could make they’re college experience better.
4.The facts towards the end of the first paragraph should be moved to another section of the essay. It was not placed correctly towards the beginning and did not really make sense to be put there.
1. The argument is convincing with strong facts such as the financial costs and agreements, which would encourage the Baruch faculty to consider making our campus more green. For example, it mentions the State Legislature and agreements such as Tax-Exempt Lease-Purchase Agreements that allow for flexibility in financial costs. Cost is a big issue that the faculty members have to look into and we made it easier for them by stating some parts of the costs that they would eventually have to look into. There are many non-profit organizations that can help with this project of planting trees and flowers. In addition, the argument had scientific facts about how adding greenery to the campus can improve students’ mental health, which is something that should be extremely important to the faculty if they want Baruch to have a better reputation. Also the essay had a hook at the beginning that might capture the reader’s attention. The essay flowed pretty well throughout the whole thing. The essay was well organized and the points made were placed correctly in the essay.
2. The part about the mention of Union Square Park is not very compelling in this argument. Although it is true, it doesn’t help the essay and weakens the argument because the faculty might think what the point of adding greenery is if students can just go to the park instead. We will improve this hole in our argument. There are some grammatical errors, but they are minor enough so that readers can understand the meaning of the essay.
3. The commonalities are that the essay, like the others, made convincing points and provided facts that would make the essays’ arguments better. In addition, it provided an image in the readers’ mind that is practical and intriguing that is found in the Vertical essay. For example, we mention the ideal college and they mention a scenario of a problem that can occur in a student’s struggle in moving from class to class.
4. There are some grammatical errors. In the sentence, “This college is not beyond our grasp, nor is it without its practical advantages.” The word “nor” should follow the word “neither.” “Neither” and “nor” might not fit best in this sentence. It could be changed to “This college is not beyond our grasp and not without its practical advantages.” “One such is alternative Union Square Park, which would serve as a great place for students to relax and study, as it is only 12 blocks away from the Vertical Campus” should be “One such alternative is for students to go to Union Square Park, which would serve as a great place for students to relax and study, as it is only 12 blocks away from the Vertical Campus.”
5. My group hopes to add on more alternative methods that wouldn’t detriment our argument. In addition, we hope to fix the grammatical errors that were mentioned in question 4 and make the essay flow a little bit better. Also we will add cites to our sources.
1. What is compelling about the rhetoric, style, or argument?
~The use of imagery is very effective in this essay. They also talk about mental health, and this makes people feel that greenery is more of a need, and not just a want. To add on this, they also talked about how greenery even improved people’s mental abilities in general. They also mention lots of organizations that could help Baruch implement greenery.
2. What is not as compelling about the rhetoric, style, argument or any other aspect of the writing?
~The essay should mention something negative about using Union Square Park, as right now it seems like Baruch doesn’t even need to implement any greenery since the park is right there. It should also mention some more financial information, not overwhelm with numbers, but at least include some.
3. What commonalities does this section have with either or both of the other sections?
~The essay’s about improving the lives of baruch students like the other two. It also mentions other colleges like the dorm one.
4. What kinds of language or mechanical issues need to be fixed? You may also include points, sentences, phrases, and words that you find confusing.
~There a few grammar mistakes, but nothing major. One example is “One such is alternative Union Square Park.” The word is isn’t necessary.
Space Response
1. In this argument the most compelling piece the group incorporates is the situation presented to the audience right off the bat. In the introduction, the group clearly states what they want and how practical it can be. Another compelling part of their argument is when they use another school (City College of New York) that has the same barriers as Baruch, but show how they too have incorporated this idea of greenery and space.
2. In this argument the least compelling piece of information is the part where they speak about Union Square. I find it somewhat confusing on what exactly the group is trying to say about Union Square.
3. The commonality shared between the three sections is the fact that they all want to improve the lives of the student body. In regard to this argument, the lives of the students would be improved through the usage of space and greenery while learning. In the other sections, the lives would be improved through their commute and daily living.
4. In this argument, one major spot that needs to be fixed is the part where they speak about Union Square. The group needs to make it clear what they want out of Union Square, and how Baruch can grab hold of it. Considering that this may be a speech presented to the Baruch administration, some sort of address to them in the beginning may be necessary.
1. What is compelling about the rhetoric, style, or argument?
Starting out with an image- the green campus is effective. It helps contrast with what we have now at Baruch, and it allows people to see what they are missing without having a green campus. Also providing specific examples of studies helps with the validity of the argument.
2. What is not as compelling about the rhetoric, style, argument or any other aspect of the writing?
The example with Union Square Park does not help the argument. This does not need to be part of the essay, since that is something we all have access to already, and we are not able to bring the park any closer.
3. What commonalities does this section have with either or both of the other sections?
Helping the students at Baruch is a theme that is in common with the other two sections.
4. What kinds of language or mechanical issues need to be fixed? You may also include points, sentences, phrases, and words that you find confusing.
The Union Park example was the biggest issue I noticed. It is unnecessary and does not help the claim.
1. I found the comparison to CCNY to be very effective. This shows how incorporating greenery isn’t completely out of reach.
2. Declaring Union Square Park as an alternative, I feel takes away from the argument. Union Square Park is already available to students and by saying that it is a great place to study and whatever makes the reader reconsider adding more green space, which is what we are asking for. If Union Square Park is already available, and is already a good alternative for green space, they why are we asking for more.
3. This section is similar to the other two sections in that it states problems faced by Baruch students and addresses improvements to solve the problems. The “Vertical” and “Green Space” sections do a good job at using imagery to convey their points.
4. Two studies are referenced in this section but the source is not included. I think its important to state where you found the study in order for the readers to trust and validate the reference.
– The imagery in the introduction works well since people must first see that greenery is necessary before agreeing to work on it.
– Stating the numbers in the study can prove that it is a necessity and create validity. The mention of union park weakens the argument since they would say if you want greenery just go there.
– The mention of sister schools is present in this and the dorm one. All of the essays are focused on improving the quality and everyday life at Baruch.
– The final paragraph can be broken down to smaller sections to separate the different ideas given.