I was able to gain a better picture of what I needed to revise and change, thanks to comments made by my friends on my initial draft. Also, having the one on one conservation served as a catalyst that essentially helped to kick off the writing process. The things we talked about helped me construct and organize my essay in such a way that it was much easier for me to demonstrate how I’ve grown as an investor and how I heightened my financial skills. I also made sure to include everything you told me to. I talked about the time I bought my first stock, the time I lost 3000 dollars, and how the courses my dad enlisted me in helped me become financially responsible. I also talked about what I wish to accomplish in this field,  I eventually want to work in private equity or as an investment banker, and I want to expand my portfolio and dive into real estate. I also structured my literacy narrative into a series of events that helped create and build suspense, ultimately captivating the reader’s attention.  My revisions also allotted the readers a sense of time. I mentioned how my family’s journey to becoming financially literate started in 2008 when the US market experienced a severe setback. I began by illustrating the moment I discovered that my family had been evicted, as well as how we felt. Here is where I incorporated some dialogue. From there, I explained how this deplorable and lamentable lack of money eventually crept its way into affecting my life outside of my house. I then transitioned into telling the readers how my father realized that he needed to change if he wanted to ameliorate his family’s situation. He realized that it was time for him to change, and as a result of putting in the work to become educated in the field of investing, he was able to yield a lucrative return on one of his investments. From there, I began to talk about how his awakening had a ripple effect on my family. He enlisted me in these courses that helped me gain a better awareness of personal finance. I included realistic dialogues and impactful exchanges, which gave life to my story, and this literary technique revealed how I reacted and how I felt at the moment. These interactions also allowed the reader to fully immerse themselves into my narrative. Since I was very descriptive and emotional, I was able to do an excellent job of putting the reader in my shoes which in turn made them feel some sort of sympathy for me. I received a lot of positive feedback on this. They liked how honest and raw I was. It reads very well because of it, and it allows my narrative to be that much stronger. Since I was able to put a lot of emotion and personality into my story, it made it easier for people to read it. I was also able to describe and call a moment where I joined in a conversation with a member of the discourse community I was tackling. My father, who is my literary sponsor who also associates himself with being a member of the group I was speaking about, helped me decide where I should attend college by prioritizing that I should pick one that’ll not lead me to live a debt-centered life. He helped me realize that I shouldn’t risk the financial security of my future for four years. He explained to me the issues that came with making this decision. My edits also make the reader visualize how I can achieve further growth in the near and distant future. I recently became part of Baruch’s wall street club. I also mentioned how I would apply to a multitude of internships that center on investment banking and private equity. I can’t emphasize enough how valuable the peer evaluation was in helping me revise my literacy narrative. Camille, a member of my group, helped me realize that I didn’t do a great job of explicitly highlight the discourse community I was tackling, so I decided to resolve this issue by expanding on it in my introductory paragraph and paying greater attention to it. Since a lot of my friends didn’t understand the terminology that I used in regards to the stock market and the world of personal finance, I included provided some context in my essay. The vernacular that I and others use when it comes to discussing stocks, real estate, budgeting, and saving can sometimes be difficult to understand if you haven’t made an effort to become financially literate, but through my essay, I was able to bring awareness to such an important topic like it and why everyone should make a valiant effort to become financially educated.