All Over Again

So I had a scary thought – a sort of vision – today. I left class, walked out of the building, down the block, into the train station. It felt familiar. It occurred to me that this is quickly turning into high school all over again – just going through the motions: go to school, sit quietly in my classes, go home. Day after day. Not enjoying it, not making the most of it, definitely not trying as hard or doing as well as I can. Just getting it over with. I make excuses for not doing much else: it’s probably stupid, probably boring, what’s the point ? and I convince myself even when I know it’s BS. I don’t want this. I hated it the first time. So why am I doing it again ? Maybe cause I don”t know where to go from here. Maybe I’m just used to it.  Maybe the wall I built is so big, it’ll take a while to break down. Hopefully not too long. Don’t know why I’m writing about this. It’s the only thing on my mind besides the fact that I’m hungry and in desperate need of Advil (the joys of womanhood) so it’ll have to do.