Apparently, I’m not as “out-there” or strange as I had thought.
Here, there are so many people, that there are statically more people like myself.
I like that.
I’m used to being different, in the sense that I don’t share the same beliefs or am brought up the same way as others
Like, I grew up in New Jersey, right? Only an hour a way, tri-state area, typical.
People were always confused by me.
I wasn’t an athlete, or Italian, or Irish, or rich.
I liked art, and worked really hard in school, and my family was a big part of my life.
That really wasn’t common.
I also, apparently, looked different.
I dressed slightly more avant-garde, and my mom, being from the city, always wore a lot of black.
So, even when I was younger, I never saw anything weird about wearing at least something black.
That WAS weird, apparently.
And my favorite thing, or not favorite, but something I always found secretly humourous, was when the Abercrombie Barbie phase died out around junior year in high school.
And all the cool Jersey kids wore urban outfitters, like vitage-esque dresses, with their Uggs.
So hot, I really can’t.
Then it became all, “Oh Sydney, I really love your outfit.”
Because apparently I was more with it than everyone else thought.
If only this had been the comment in middle school.
But beyond the typical annoyance, I still had really close friends.
And I miss them a lot.
They are at schools all over the place, and I’m in Manhattan, by myself.
I’m the only person from my high school who goes to Baruch.
When I first moved here, it was a relief.
I could be myself, and that was it. No one knew me otherwise.
But what I quickly learned, is that even being a huge city, the island is surprisingly small.
Everyone knows someone, and the odds are good that you have multiple connections to people.
So it turned into, I know a ton of people now and they know me as well, even though we’ve barely talked.
I don’t feel so new anymore.
And as much as I like knowing all of these people, and all of the great friends I’ve made, occasionally I’ll feel kind of lonely.
I don’t have my best friends, or my mom, around to help me
because I haven’t known anyone here as long, I sometimes don’t know if they’ll truly care or be able to help me the way my old best friends did.
It’s a weird feeling.
More positively though, I love it here.
I love all of my new experiences,
& I actually really like Baruch
I’m slowly learning to be independent,
And at the same time
I’m glad I get to spend some of my last teenage years living in a city.
Not many people get to do that.
And because I’ve moved on, sometimes I get a melancholic feeling when I visit my home.
Some people there, never left, and to them apparently I’m this cool story because “oh my god you live in the city? That’s so cool! I’m so jealous!”
And as I say this, I also think about the people I’ve met here who would roll their eyes at me.
Because I’m Sydney from New Jersey
Even though I was born in Portland, Maine
And I can say I live in NY, but it really isn’t my home
And I’ ll never be from here
And it’s funny I act like I am
Because I’ll always be from New Jersey.
So this is me, I have nothing to hide.
I’ve become super open since living here, and a lot of people think that’s strange.
But also a good thing.
I like it so I don’t have to waste my time.
I’d rather have people know me for who I am
Than get rid of me once they realize what I’m all about.
Like I said, I don’t like to waste my time
And that’s why I’m glad I’m living
Or I guess quote “dorming”
In a fast-paced city.
I honestly don’t have time for bullshit.
