I notice that most of the time I am a quiet, non-talkative, a very shy person. This part of my personality is something I don’t like about myself. I believe that my shyness may affect how I handle myself, my responsibilities and situations, and about growing up. I think I would like to be stronger and braver when dealing with life when it comes to my family and college life.
My parents and family have high expectations of me. Being in a new and strange country, my family relies on me very much. I find that I need to be stronger and braver, even if not for them, but for myself. I feel a lot of pressure about all of this. I always hoped that I had an older sister, someone who could take some of the pressure off from me. It has been a real struggle for me also. I guess that I don’t want to grow up yet. I always talk to myself that I must grow up now and I must be brave and strong. Maybe it would even be helpful if I were a little less shy, but personality and character are hard to change. When I was a kid, I always hoped that I could grow up faster so my mom wouldn’t continue to nag me. As I am finally growing up right now, I find that I am really afraid. I feel more helpless being independent, dealing with life’s hardships and responsibilities. I am envious of my younger sister. I always wanted to be her because she seems to be without as much sorrow and worry. Besides my family life, I am also finding some new challenge in college life.
As I attend college now, not only I find that I have to deal with many new challenges, but also time seems to be running faster. I find that college classes, reading material, lecture, and homework make me feel exhausted. Whenever I experience this pressure and have setbacks, I always think about reverting back to being a kid. I was afraid to grow up, and not facing my life as I should as an adult.
I realize that everyone needs to grow up. I must take responsibility with my family, my school, and life in general. My goal is to try to think positive, and accept who I am, also try to change myself. I believe that tomorrow will be bright, and life can be better every day.
