Fear.
Fear is the rush of adrenaline that brings in anxiety, shame, and unacceptance in a person. It would be the fear of shame that may engulf a girl like me. However, it is not the shame of fear that sends the heart pounding. Shame itself may be a subcategory of fear but it’s definition leads to vast fields of stress and hurt.
I am afraid of shame.
Fear.
Fear occurs when all eyes are on me. They only judge what they see. It’s hard to portray who I am with people if they only take one glance at me. Doesn’t it make you feel disgusted to judge someone by seeing only the differences? Doesn’t it? Well. It should. It’s a cruel and thoughtless crime. There are some people in this world that give me a chance…only to discover that it wasn’t worth it.
I am afraid of judgment.
Fear.
Fear is when I ask myself what is courage? Can someone please tell me? I really need to know. I try and I try but I hit the ground hard, getting scars on my knees and hands. I get frightened. It’s hard to have hope afterwards. I know if I have the courage to stand strong and voice out my thoughts, things will be better. Yet I can’t find my voice. I don’t know what it sounds like anymore.
I am afraid of cowardice.
I look in the mirror and I see her. I see a strong girl…a girl that has so much potential; a girl that is determined and someone who doesn’t say no to giving up no matter how difficult it is.
I lost her.
I don’t know where she is anymore.
I’m on my own.
