Introvert. Yeah… that’s what they think of me when they first meet me. It’s not my fault. I was told that as a baby, I would cry whenever someone stared at me. See? It’s innate; I have no control over it. But just because I’m an introvert does not mean I’m not normal. Just like everyone else, I have my own fears such as stage fright, heights, bugs, and failure. Especially the fear of failure. After years of put-downs, of saying how useless I am, and comparisons between others and me, I know that failure is not an option because the disappointment will grow. Just like everyone else, I also have things that I would be excited and become animated about.
Now that I think about it, am I truly a 100% introvert? Nah. Yeah, I’m quiet sometimes, but it’s because of my reserved personality and because I often insult others unintentionally when I open my mouth. I don’t know about you or anything, but I draw a fine line between acquaintances and close friends—a by-product of my reserved personality. And as for those close friends, it takes a while for me to welcome them into my world, my life. There are a few people that I can talk to for hours, and many others that I don’t say more than a couple of words to. With this wall built around me, I speak less while my thoughts run wild. Sometimes I feel like my brain is going to explode from over thinking. Ugh, Stress! I wish there was a best friend with whom I can pour out my problems to and be fully understanding of me. Don’t you want a best friend like that?
There are times that I wish I could be comfortable bringing the ‘Me’ from home outside. Yep, at home I am a weirdo and a chatterbox. But people are so judgmental these days; I’ll just be labeled as odd. Sigh, these are only wishful thinking. Not going to happen anytime soon.
I am very tolerant of many things but one of my pet-peeve is when people put words in my mouth. That is THE most annoying thing in the world. I also HATE being compared to anyone. Does it look like I can magically transform into that person? No. It doesn’t even make sense to be compared to others when I grew up in different circumstances. Since I’m rambling on about pet-peeves, might as well mention the nasty smoking habit some people developed. Upon entering Baruch, I’ve inhaled more cigarette smoke than I did in my whole life.
Well, in the end, I guess I don’t want to be remembered as that quiet girl. I want to be remembered as me, an individual person. I just need that extra push out of my comfort zone.
I want to be someone who changed the world! Er… just kidding, that’ll never happen. =__=
