Its more of a story than a monologue really. There’s actually no ‘logue about it. hmmmmm…..
I remember the day as if my mind were a bronze plate and the image had been etched into it.
As a young girl I had been bullied. Extensively
Punched, teased, spat on, followed, had my stuff stolen, and at some point I had songs composed about me. Very unfortunate songs.
This particular day the sky was cloudy and overcast and I was sitting on the bench by the red park as the students in PS80 always called it, with my friend Elijah.
Now the thing about Elijah was he was a boy, he was unpopular and he was a fourth grader.
That is to say that he would do just about anything to be in with the popular boys.
Enter Deshawn sanders.
Deshawn was the second most popular boy in school, ousted only by his twin brother Cequan.
I had a crush on him at some point.
He thought I was a complete loser.
I was completely used to this and was unbothered by the whole thing.
Meaning I went home and sobbed uncontrollably on my sister, who was older and more popular than myself (which wasn’t exactly hard seeing as I had no friends. At all. You’ll see why I’m discounting Elijah in a moment.)
back to the story
we were sitting on a flaky green bench near the red park talking about absolutely nothing when Deshawn decided to walk himself over to us.
“this your girlfriend Elijah?”
typical bully talk.
I looked down. Already embarrassed. Good thing you can’t see dark skinned people blush.
“no”
“so why are you always with her?”
“I don’t know”
I forgave him. There really isn’t anything to say in this sort of situation as a loser fourth grader. You aspire to popularity. When popularity comes over to you you try to get in with it.”
“so hit her.”
great. Just great. I continued looking at the floor. Having already forgiven Elijah. He wants to be popular just as much as I do right? Boys are physical creatures. Whatever
It didn’t even hurt really. Elijah was skinny and I was not. Fat layer comes to the rescue yet again.
Deshawn smelling my weakness like a dog grinned
All I noticed was the fact that several new teeth were growing into his lower jaw, giving him a crooked toothy look.
Like a shark.
“in the face.”
This was okay too.
Wasn’t it?
Elijah needs this. I can do this for him. Friends sacrifice for friends.
Don’t they?
The hit landed.
Suprise.
I think my vision actually sharpened because I saw everything with this clarity that was insane.
I fingered the peeling green paint of the bench. And breifly wondered about children who ate the stuff and killed themselves.
Stupid. Just like this idiot that just punched me in the face
disrespectful
unforgivable.
I hadn’t actually ever been this mad before.
I rose very smoothly to my feet.
I remember every instant.
I wrapped the coarse fibers of his dreadlocks around my fingers, yanked him off the fence and proceded to visiously pound my fist into his face. Using his hair as a handle so he couldn’t get away.
I then threw him to the ground, kicked him in the ribs, sat on top of him and pounded his face into the asphalt.
I began laughing.
It was all so stupid. Bullies, this boy, the skewed loyalty I’d had originally… so silly
we were just dumbass fourth graders in a fucked up school and no one cared.
I wondered if I was going to get in trouble for this
I didn’t care.
Elijah was screaming, I was cackling, Deshawn was standing there shocked.
I climbed off of my bloody victim, my disgust was huge. I gave him another kick in the ribs.
“and shut up.”
Elijah, sniveling, picked himself up off of the floor and ran toward the school.
Yeah, I was definately getting in trouble.
I still didn’t give a damn.
Deshawn was still standing there.
How could I have ever had a crush on him? He was so stupid looking. Like really he had that look, the lack of intelligence shining out from his eyes.
This kid had absolutely no future and I knew it.
But this isn’t a movie
this is public school
“Your next.”
and from that day forward no one ever messed with me again.
