At the fragile age of eighteen, I have so much being thrown at me right now that was completely unexpected. Except for college of course because the hard work there was definitely expected. I feel excited but nervous, scared but ready, and anxious but happy. As a loving daughter and sister, eager and ambitious student, and soon to be wife, I am taking on the challenges of life and turning them into positive motivators that will help me strive for better things.
At times, I do admit that I make decisions more based on emotion rather than ration and I respond more intuitively than intellectually. I patiently wait for problems to sort themselves out instead of taking the initiative to sort them out myself. Its in my nature and its been that way for a long time. Its not necessarily a good thing, however its not a bad thing either.
I have an easy going and submissive nature so most of the time I just go with the flow. I don’t mean it in the sense that I don’t have any control over myself, it just means that I wont go out of my way to argue something I want because to me its easier to compromise. I tend to give more than I ask.
I always felt the need to please everyone around me; my parents, teachers, friends, and loved ones. I don’t know why but I always subconsciously seek approval from others. Maybe it has to do with my slightly needy persona. I prefer to follow more than I would prefer to lead because when I’m in a position of power/authority I just crack. I shut down completely and have no rational sense of what to do.
I am weirdly fascinated by the ridiculous and enjoy solitude to stay in my own little dream bubble fantasizing about all the good things I want in my life. If I make a mistake in the past I like to keep it in the past, I hate thinking about those kinds of things and try my hardest to bury them far away. I dislike being criticized, things that are obvious, know-it-alls, and pedantry.
I love anything that has to do with mythology, astrology, or art. Those things keep me at a calm and surreal state of mind.
I’m excited about whats to come and I look forward to starting my own family very soon. If someone asked me a year ago what age I want to get married, I would probably say at age 24 or 25 but I guess when you live your life and circumstances become not what you expect, things surely do change. But I am glad that my opinion has changed.
