Sasha’s Monologue

I miss people.
People are in Nebraska and Rochester and freaking Auckland, New Zealand, and not here.
Last year was my best year of high school- everyone became friends or at least got friendlier with each other.
I usually love leaving old things behind and starting new, but this year is different.
It’s like that time I started a new game in Pokémon Blue and then a week later I totally regretted it because my Charizard was gone into oblivion.
My friends haven’t ventured into oblivion, but it still sucks.
I never had to try to be normal when I was around them because they knew perfectly well that wasn’t going to happen, and as far as I could tell they liked that.
I’ve honestly been very stubborn lately; I don’t care if I say whatever I think.
But then I remember that the people who accept me are gone, and I’ve been left with an empty city.
When you’re around people that make you feel secure, you feel normal.
I don’t feel secure, and I don’t like this monologue so far because it’s getting sappy.
I’m fine.
I inherited the horribly human trait of thinking too much because my brain can supposedly handle it.
Most people believe it’s a chick thing, but it really isn’t.
My family is full of artists who believe it or not think too much and have no problem
telling the people in their lives all about their feelings and every aspect of their tortured souls.
It is the most annoying thing ever, and I’ve vowed to steer clear from people like that in my life.
People who make me calm, feel secure, and normal- those are the types of people who’ve left me.
(It’s impossible not to sound self-centered in a monologue)
So yeah, they left me.
The only thing I can do I guess is try to do things that make me happy.
My workload in college isn’t an issue, but when people bring it up it distracts me from my zen state of mind.
That in itself may be the problem, but I for one don’t really give a damn.
At all.
About anything.
Except certain things, I care about some things, but I don’t remember what they are.
My habit of over thinking has led me to one valid conclusion- I really don’t want to go into business.
I would get so frustrated with everybody.
Being an only child, I’m the perfect dictator in my mind.
But alas, that isn’t socially acceptable, at least until the zombie apocalypse comes.
Until then I’d like to become a nurse, or something to do with health and well being,
because there I imagine I can just do my thing and not have to worry about anyone else, and it doesn’t require me to take these time consuming math classes that seem to just get 20 times harder once you’re alone in your room and your homework is online.
My mind doesn’t work like that, so business major has been crossed off the list.
I didn’t plan on coming here, I was going to go to SUNY Albany. Dorms, parties, woods… then one weekend I just decided. Nope- I’ll go to Baruch instead. No real reason. Nevertheless, my mom was happy because it would be cheaper.
New York is so easy for me, I know how to get everywhere, I can sleep on the train and not miss my stop… I guess I just didn’t want to take chances at Albany.
I really couldn’t choose where I wanted to go, so was it a difficult decision? No. I just wish I had that ambition, the path I knew I wanted to take, but I didn’t.