Monologue

Well it is about 9:32pm on October 18,2011. I feel better than I do on most days because no one is bothering me. Usually my grandma bothers me about my sister. She is always asking me when will my sister com home. She does this on regular basis and it makes me so annoyed. I don’t know when she is coming home and frankly I don’t care when she does or if she ever will. My mom needs to stop calling me because I am seriously about to block her. My sister needs to stop texting me to call her at whatever time so she can wake up. First she takes my alarm clock and not she wants me to be her alarm clock.. They have always annoyed me but these days it seems particularly annoying. I feel so annoyed to the point where I am avoiding my own house. I know that it is my fault I feel like this. Watching everyone around me be successful I feel like I am falling behind. My friends are all pretty much doing well in their school and their internships. They seem to be passionate about something. On the other hand my grades are slipping and I haven’t started my resume. I don’t have a passion and I don’t even know if Baruch is where I really want to be. I know I’m frustrated with myself and my frustration is carrying over the negative feelings I feel towards my family. I know I should try to see things through their perspectives. I should try to help people with the things I can but lately that isn’t the case. Thoughts and emotions are not the same. Emotions are irrational. They are stronger and they can easily overpower my thoughts. I try to control my emotions but sometimes the only way to control them is to create distance.