My Monologue

Monologue: Usman Bhatti
Hi, I guess I’m supposed to like open up about myself right now; but its hard to open up when everyone in my life has told me to “keep it to myself”. I guess I can start by saying what I am on the interior. I’m self-conscious about how I look, and I hate when people stare at me on the bus, because I feel like something’s wrong with me that I’m not aware of. That’s why I think coming to Baruch was such a big step. All these faces staring at you, judging you before they even get to know you. Even now, standing up here, I wanna barf because who knows what you guys think of me. Life has given me many challenges, but I don’t complain about it; I just take it in stride. Now I can’t talk about me without talking about my girlfriend. She’s my best friend and the one person who I can depend on. I know you’re supposed to love yourself before you can love others but, she helped me to love myself. Everyday I wake up I say a little prayer, because I’m thankful to be alive. The reason? I almost killed myself twice, once an accidental overdose and once intentional. Now don’t ask why I did that, it was just a very dark moment in my life, where people around me were dying, my mom had cancer and I had nobody to talk to. It was scary, because you think you know what pitch black is until you get knocked out by 10 pain killers. That’s scary. Three years later though, I’m definitely a changed man, a man with a semi full time job and someone who’s semi full time in school. Basically, I have a full time life, that moves to fast to sit and do pot, or drink or do any type of drugs. Exterior wise I dress in dark colors and I don’t try to get to much attention. That’s a big reason why I wear the hats, because a lot of the times I don’t want to be seen or judged. I’m a poet at heart, not a rapper or a singer but a poet. I love making words flow from line to line and its that which helps me get through the dark times. You can probably tell that my thoughts are all over the place because I don’t really know what to focus on. Life’s changing around me, I just hope I’m ready for everything. I hope everything goes how I want it too. I hope I become a lawyer. I hope when I tell my parents about who I love they accept me. I hope my family learns to love me. I hope God forgives me for the times that I have sinned. I hope you guys understand that I don’t like opening up but I just did. Other then that I don’t know what to say about myself. Who am i? I’m Usman, and I’m ready for whatever life has to offer, because I’ve been through the bad, now I’m waiting for all the good.