This is me at Columbus Circle over the summer during one of the hottest days ever.
You know when something happens? It’s bad, obviously. It happens really quickly and it slaps you in the face. It’s really terrible, actually. Everything feels like it’s gone down the drain. Everything feels like it’s crashing and it hurts. Like physically hurts. And you sit there stunned and weak and you know you’re broken.
You know when something happens? It’s amazing, obviously. It happens really quickly. It hugs you all over. And it’s really immense, actually. Everything feels like it’s right. And that dark place that you were once in is extremely far away from where you are. And it feels really, really good. Like physically, too. And you stand there and you’re smiling all over and you know that you’re happy.
Baruch College. It’s definitely not what I expected it to be. I hoped for the classes to be better than high school but I just find myself missing those 50-minute classes where I actually learned a great deal of things. I find myself feeling infuriated with the professors I have right now. I feel like I don’t learn anything new.
English used to be my favorite subject. It was the one class I found relaxing because we were able to discuss and analyze literature and our thoughts. It was zen-ful because we got to write our thoughts out. But at Baruch, I find that the class is utterly pointless. I feel like a little kid in middle school learning to write a thesis statement. I was expecting a lot more from the class. A lot more reading, writing and analyzing. I absolutely despise the class and I’m very disappointed in the professor and her lack of teaching skills.
And let’s get into American Government: how does one refuse to go over material that will be presented on an exam? How does a professor expect us to read and understand words from a textbook without memorizing if he is not willing to help us understand those words?
I feel like I’m wasting my time taking the classes that I’m taking when I should be exploring fields of interest rather than what is required. I feel completely unmotivated. I consider myself an art student, but I don’t make much art anymore because of my time management issue. Before I came to Baruch, I so badly wanted to go to FIT for fashion design because that’s my passion. I’m not pursuing my passion at this school because it doesn’t focus on what we want to do. I couldn’t wait to get out of high school because I thought college was about figuring ourselves out and pursuing what we enjoy doing, and pursuing what we’ve been looking forward to doing. But Baruch is not at all what I expected.
And to get into my experience with the people I’ve met so far? I haven’t met anyone that shares any sort of interests with me. I don’t like foolish invasive people that think we’re friends just because we’re in all of the same classes. I’m in college; I don’t have to be friends with people I’m simply not getting a good vibe from. Everybody likes to tell themselves that they’re not shallow, that they’re the ones above all of that, that they’re bigger than those “lesser beings” that don’t just give out interest out of kindness. They like to think that they’re the type of person to accept someone completely and fully without a second thought. But in all honesty, there’s not a single person out there who’s immune to discrimination. First impressions are always taken seriously but lots of them are proven wrong and we pin someone for something they might not be just because they’re not what we expected and who we want tem to be. Everyone can be shallow. Everyone is shallow. None of us are immune to it.
