monologue

I need more time. I need more time. I need more time.
There aren’t enough hours within a day to do this much work. Clearly, this is
not the life that I expected of college. Where is time to discover and think
about myself? Where is time for me to truly listen to music and appreciate it?
Where is time to just sit down and have random thoughts that makes me think and
look back of what I’ve done? Where is life? I became an invisible person since I
got to college because I’m hidden behind all the works, studies, and homework
to do. I need to rest. I don’t even know if I’m going on a right track as a
college student. If not, I need to find a way to determine what I am doing
wrong so I can plan ahead of time. This is too unorganized. This is not who I
am. I am getting extremely upset towards me of not being organized. I am all
over the place finishing all of my requirements in school and work. Is this how
college is to everyone else? Or am I the only one feeling that something is
missing? College seems nothing different from high school, except college has
much more responsibilities. This is wrong. I know there are other sides or
parts of college other than works. Something needs to be fixed. If I’m feeling
there are no other faces of college other than works to do, I need to learn
more about college and enjoy my college life. I feel that I am failing in every
single aspect of my decision because I don’t know what I am doing. I am just
moving like a robot to finish my works on time. I’ve never felt this before. I
always knew what I was doing, I always planed ahead of myself, I had time for
my social like, and I had time for myself. I’m failing in everything. I need
more hours in a day for myself, not for anyone else but myself. I truly want
more hours to stop and think about everything that I am doing. I can’t tell who
I am anymore. I always believed that I’m organized, positive thinking, and
perfectionist. Well, I am not anymore. I lose my identity. College has confused
everything. Maybe there are more than work in college. This is the only
motivation to me, that college will be more exciting when I get to be
comfortable in college. But what if I never get comfortable in college? Ahh,
this is too much thinking ahead. I shall stop now and just appreciate what I
have.