Sometimes I wonder about this. I wonder how people view me, and I want to know what they think. It makes me ponder if I would change myself if I knew what other people are thinking. Am I a bitch that no one wants to be friends with? Or maybe people think that I’m studious and hardworking, and want to be friends with me to use me. I don’t know, and it has been a huge problem for me. Maybe I’m so pretty that the girls are too envious to want to befriend me? (Just that thought reminds me of my best friend from HS; she was always like “Honestly, I think I’m so much prettier that her.”) That’s what my dad said, jokingly, at the start of this semester. All I know now is that all my friends so far, apart from one exception, are male. Of course, I don’t really mind this much, since according to someone, I’m just like a dude who likes to check out other girls (which I totally do NOT do). However, the problem that arises is that I do have a boyfriend, and he is the jealous type. The thing is that I totally understand why he would be. People have told me before that I come off as pretty flirtatious towards both sexes, but that really is just my personality, and so it is understandable that he would feel this way. So, a very immediate goal for me this semester is to make more girl friends! That is much easier said than done, and I am trying.
There is one big thing that really distinguishes the difference between high school and college, and that is that I don’t know anyone at college. There are so many people, and I’m just not used to it. In high school, I knew practically everyone, but here, I’m sometimes lost and alone, with no one to say “Hi” to and no one to walk and talk with. This loneliness often would remind me of times in high school where I wouldn’t have to try and find people to hang out with, and that my boyfriend was there all the time. The biggest transition for me is that my boyfriend is no longer by my side all the time. Now, we have to scrape a few measly hours a day to each other when we were so used to being together pretty much 24/7. I feel like this first year alone without him definitely makes life harder, but it also gives me an opportunity to work on my own and be independent. I don’t want college to change me, since I’m perfectly content with how I am now, and what I want to obtain from attending Baruch is the passageway to internship/job opportunities, and of course, the education. Can’t forget that part, now, can I?
