Author Archives: Arielle Ru

In the past, when life got hard, I would just hide away from the world and hope that everything would get better after time passed. I ended up cutting school a lot and had to hide from my teachers, family, and friends. They knew I was smarter then the way I was acting and I knew that I had the potential to do good, but that didn’t stop me from procrastinating and messing up my life. I didn’t even know how I going to pass high school with my absences. All the doubt, stress, anger, and depression built up after time and ate up even more of my life. Everyone looked at me differently and keep asking, “what’s wrong?” or “are you okay?” They didn’t realize that their concerns just increased my anxiety and forced me to make up excuses and pile on lie after lie.

“You’ve changed. You didn’t used to be like this.” That statement used to always hurt me the most. I always interpreted it as, “Why are you like this? You aren’t Arielle. Go back to the way you used to be. You aren’t good enough.” I wished I could be as perfect as they thought I was, but in reality, I was probably always like this. It’s just that after time, the pain built up so much that it started showing in my actions. I knew my failures caused them pain as well, but I never noticed that the fact that they were hurting just meant how much they cared about me. Now I know that they just wanted me to be happier and be able to take care of myself.

It wasn’t easy fixing things, but my boyfriend was someone I could cheered me up when I felt hopeless and to motivate me to be a better person. I don’t think I would have been able to change my ways without him. I want to become more independent so that my loved one won’t have to worry too much about me anymore. Instead of relying on others I want them to be able to rely on me more. That’s why I’m going to try my hardest to stay motivated and not be intimidated by stress. Wish me luck