Author Archives: Pearly

My mind is frenzy with whirls of ideas, I stand still and they fill me up with thrill. A muddled pool of thought and in my mind they stay and rot. I yearn for
someone to listen to me. I wallow back into my hole. No one will listen to my  woes. My mind whirrs on taking action, but the power in me to do something is a small fraction. These thoughts plague me like a disease. I clasp my head in frustration. Why am I castigated in such severity? Perhaps it is because of my unnerving verity. I like to walk late out at night because it’s more difficult to make out the person that walks beside you. Dully moving along, emptiness heaves in and out of every breath. The obvious indicator if someone has a pulse is that breath. But I wonder with that emptiness if someone, somewhere, sees me? I wonder if emptiness is heard. If that void is contemplated, judged, or forgotten. Is that nothingness all that it is? I wonder if there lay hope in dreams, hope that someday rest will come. Someone should hold out their hand and see that I need that guide, because the wisdom feels so lost. But, as long as I remembered I have always looked to myself for consolation. I look to the ground, to the ash upon the dirt and see myself, this empty shell. So empty, so young, like some irredeemable crime I lie in wait, in wonder of salvation that will only confuse me more; here is the dwindling effect of hope. At the weakest moment my human frailty endures. I feel the dark waves crushing and eroding my mind. For the longest time, the dark cloud
loomed over my head, but I made sure sunshine radiated towards anyone with a close radius to me. People crave for the blissful moment of sleep, but I have a restless mind. I float meticulously perched between a precipice I will always fall back from. I don’t know why I always hide from every encounter I make. I have grown accustomed to being a puppet to my will to satisfy my audience. What irony, freewill. My mother likes to refer to my coming of age as a blossoming flower; flowers flash their beautiful colors and permeate the air with a pleasant smell. I don’t feel like one. I diffuse the glow of my eager mind, day in and day out this crass repetitive beat makes my body cringe, and it’s a long impatient road to my dreams. They say rainy days will go away. Always look to the sun, right? Summer is over and fall is here. With a change of season, I think there is clarity in decay. The leaves change colors every year, admiring the beauty of it all, yet it’s really such a morbid thing. It’s decay. Yet, it all makes sense, because it’s a cycle, and cycles are completely comprehensible. I think I’m over all the teen angst I had in my high school years. I think this is the first fall that I’ve actually understood things. I have doubts still, but my outlook has become almost completely positive. Having the highest of hopes may not always be the best, but sticking my foot in open doors is better than not having any doors open for you. I’m on a chase, a chase with only one destination in mind: the future. This has allowed me to see things in a different light. The past is exactly itself in definition, it’s in the past. It’s unchangeable and completely settled, there is nothing there left to reckon with. It’s all about the future, setting marker points, chasing after tomorrow. Yes, the present is sometimes beautiful, and everyone should appreciate it when it’s beautiful, but when it’s nasty, untamed, and full of bitterness, the future should be the only direction in which you are looking. Things presently are shitty. I’m constantly getting tossed around in this giant abyss of emotions, and sometimes I come out a little bruised and beat up. But the only difference now as opposed to past occasions is that I’ve been able to make sense of it all. The pieces are all on the floor, yes. It’s a fragmentary mess before my eyes, but I’m working to make it whole again. I’m working to put it together, and look past the cracks. I’m putting myself together, and setting goals in the process. It’s all about the future. Where do you stand? Have you left your past, or are you still living in it? Are you stuck on this plateau that you refer to as “the present”? Well, all I can say is, “Do something about it. Grasp the steering wheel tight, because you are in control of this ride.”

Höfuðborgarsvæði, Iceland!

If you guys could travel any place around the world, where would you guys embark? I have always been a travel enthusiast and tuned in to any travel related shows. My personal favorite shows would be Anthony Bourdain’s: No Reservations and Globetrekker. Since I have lived in New York for 17 years, I can forget sometimes that there is a greater world beyond! I have travelled to Indonesia and en route stopped at Singapore, Taipei, Germany. But, I would kill to visit every continent in the world! That is my dream. Right now I have my sights set on Lebanon, Spain, Iceland, Brazil, Morocco and Australia! Oh, how I envy those travellers on television. I would love the opportunity to travel around the world, meet new people and experience the culture! I would document every moment!

My close friend happens to be a movie fiend and is up to date to an eclectic taste in movies. I, on the other hand have not watched as much movies as her. We were both talking about movies that involve animation and we both agreed that Tim Burton’s Corpse Bride is quite a good movie. We both love Victor-the sunkened cheeked, dapper black suit wearing groom to be when he plays the piano. So touching and each piano note hypnotizes the audience to listen more. While we were discussing this particular movie we noted that Tim Burton also directed James and the Giant Peach the movie. We both loved the direction Tim Burton went with this movie as well. We loved how one part of the movie goes from the real world to an animated one. Aside from the animated ones my personal favorite movies would be Requeim for a Dream, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, 2001: A Space Odyssey and Donnie Darko! What are your favorite movies and please feel free to leave a comment for movie suggestions!

Hi everyone! Here is my response to the “Who are you
post” my freshman advisor Crystal posted up.

a. Tell us who you think YOU are!

My name is Pearly. I am 17 years old. I have been living in New
York City all my life, Queens specifically. I’m a huge book worm, a few of my
favorite reads are The Collector by John
Fowles, Siddhartha by
Herman Hesse, Death of a Salesman by Arthur
Miller and A Clockwork Orange by
Anthony Burgess . I am a music enthusiast. I would say I like an eclectic taste
in music. I love Sufjan Stevens, Radiohead, The Naked and Famous, Gypsy & the Cat, Laura Marling, Sigur Ros,
Lykke Li, Bon Iver, Foals,  Queen, The Eagles, Guns N Roses, Pearl Jam, Hammock and Trentmoller to name a
few… I am a definite art appreciator (not so much creator). Andrew Wyeth and
Frida Kahlo are my favorite artists at the moment. I like to conduct random
baking experiments in my kitchen, and I mostly bake a lot of sweets. I love
traveling and anything travel related. I envy the travelers in Globetrekker and
wish it was me venturing the different countries. I hope to visit at least one
country from each continent. I am a green tea sipper and a sucker for anything
green tea flavored. I like writing in my free time, I used to write a lot.
Often times I would write at odd hours in the early morning like at 2 or 3 am.
All in all, I have an incredible amount of learning to do.

b. Share your top 3 concerns about your freshman year at Baruch
College and explain why.

• Maintaining a high gpa
• Trying to figure out where everything is and where to go to for
  certain things
• Establishing an excellent relationship with my professor and peers

c. So far, what do you think will make your Baruch College
experience different from your high school experience?

I feel like at Baruch you have a lot of independence and free time
on your hands. The choices you make may affect you in the long run and there
are a myriad of people with different personalities, it’s quite magnetizing! I
definitely have to become more mature and everything I say or do is a solid
representation of who I am, so I must be sensible with my decisions. There
would not be any teachers or advisors to force me to do all of my assignments
and homework, so I would have to take the steering wheel on the metaphorical
ride of college.

d. How do you think your first year at College will change you?

I hope I would learn study habits that suit me and help me
succeed, I will definitely try to be more extroverted and less introverted and
I’m excited to learn not only the topics discussed in class, but learning from
my peers.