Author Archives: candice.kim

Baruch did live up to my expectations aesthetically although the buildings were a little smaller than I thought it would be. Somewhat surprisingly I found Baruch to be a pretty relaxed environment, almost like my high school except not as condensed and with a lot more freedom. I expected my classes to be academically challenging but I found it to be pretty easy. I wish that my classes didn’t come packed in one particular block because I would have preferred to take different classes over some of the ones I have now instead of going with the most preferable set. I didn’t expect the students to just go home or to their jobs right after classes but then again I didn’t really bother to think about that.

My first semester was pretty easy and I found most of the classes interesting enough to keep me engaged. The time seemed to have just flew by because now I’m already preparing for finals although I have these moments where I sit back and realize that the semester is already over.  I met new people and I joined a club which was a lot of fun. I wouldn’t really do anything differently except to study and prepare myself more. I did well in most of my exams but there are some where I wished I could have studied more because I wasn’t very pleased with the grade I received. But there is no one to blame for that except myself, hopefully I’ll start taking my classes more seriously in the future.

I don’t think I’ve changed much since attending Baruch. I guess I don’t procrastinate as much, I actually study before exams, and I learned to manage my time somewhat efficiently.

Everyone has a subject that they just can’t understand. No matter how hard they try, they just can’t comprehend it. For me its math. From graphs to equations, it just draws blanks from me. I for the life of me cannot understand math concepts unless I have it drilled into my head continually by friends who actually know what they’re doing, unlike some teachers I used to have. Some of them would teach so fast that by the time I get my mind around one mathematical concept, the teacher is light years away on some other chapter. Plus I only understand the basic ideas and am unable to venture into it’s more complicated territory. I won’t even remember it for long either, especially those god awful formulas with their x’s and y’s and every other alphabet that exists. And numbers. Those bloody numbers.  It’s always been my downfall. In school I’d do decently in my other classes yet my grades are always pulled down by god damn math. I suppose I can always say that its hereditary since my family isn’t really known for their exemplary math prowess but its really just a subject that I can’t fully grasp no matter how hard I try. If I were to get dramatic about this, I’d say that math is the bane of my life. It is a cruel and sadistic overlord that occasionally shows me unexpected kindness. Its a love-hate relationship. I hate it until I understand it, then I love it but some hate still lurks around waiting to dominate as it almost always does. I guess a repeated, short lived infatuation is a better way to describe it and it’s almost masochistic really. I suffer through it because its so fascinating when I finally understand it. It pains me but I keep coming back for more and I hate it. If I could, I’d avoid it all together to save myself from imminent failure but unfortunately I can’t. I wouldn’t say I have the same problems in other subjects though, except science, but that’s a whole other quandary that I have to cry over. I mean, give me an essay to write, I’ll have the whole outline laid out in my head within 5 minutes. Give me a complicated math question to solve, I’ll stare blankly at it for 30 minutes before concocting some b.s. formula to solve it. I really envy those who can look at the same question that gives me such headaches and go “wow that’s easy” and solve it within 2 minutes. It really boggles the mind how they can look at such complex problems and solve it so easily without succumbing to mind numbing frustration. But after years of struggling in math, I’ve learned to just accept my failures. For example: say I were to bomb my history test, I’d be pretty disappointed. But if it was my math test, then I’d just shrug and think oh well I saw this coming anyways. Then I’d look around and see other students hanging their heads in shame and find comfort in the fact that I’m not alone in this.

Who do I think I am? Well I for one am human, a female human to be exact. Or at least I hope I am because that’s that I’ve been telling myself all these years. If I were to go any further than that then I really wouldn’t have an answer. When I think I know who I am, I end up surprising myself with a brand new aspect of myself (and I wouldn’t say all of it is good). Yet I take it in stride and accept my flaws, although some can be harder to accept than others. I wouldn’t say I’m a good person but I wouldn’t say I’m a bad person either. I try to be a good person and as to whether I succeed or not, I can only say occasionally. So as of now and maybe later in the future, I can only say I am who I am and will refuse to specify.

At Baruch I’m afraid that I’m going to fail my classes no matter how hard I try because it just won’t process correctly in my head. If that is the case than I can only hope to endure those classes and pass, even if it’s cutting it close. I’m also concerned as to whether I’m making the right choices in my life. I wouldn’t want to chase after something and later find out it’s something I never really wanted in the first place.

Currently I find Baruch to be pretty similar to high school. We all attend class then go home or meet friends and just in general mind our own business. But it’s definitely different from high school in terms of management. I’m expected to manage everything by myself whether its tests and papers or making sure I’m taking the necessary classes to graduate. It’s not something I’m quite used to but I’m a pretty organized person so I figure it’s something I can get adhere to quickly. I also have to take my classes seriously and devote time to study. I didn’t have to study in high school and still get away with decent grades but I definitely have to change my habits now.

Hopefully by the end of my first year I’ll have a clue as to where I’m going with my life and if I’m going down the right path. This is probably a bit of a stretch for me but I hope I’ll stop procrastinating by the end of the year too. If I can get over that hurdle, I’m ready to go for anything.