Author Archives: Jammie Yang

This semester has been pretty routine. After the initial week or so getting used to the college format, things got boring. You hear about freshman 15. Try freshman 30. You think amazing frat parties and thursday nights out. Try two hour commutes, little to no friends, and 11 o’clock bedtimes. I wonder when college became to mundane. Maybe its time to add some variety. Maybe I should join that fraternity. Maybe I should stop heading straight home. The thing is, even if I tell myself to hang around, my significant other wishes otherwise.
“Be home soon!””When do you get back today? 6? Why so late?””Have lunch with me on Fridays. You don’t have class anyway.””Fine, go hang out with your friends. Just don’t bother me when I’m with mine. Oh, now you don’t want to? It’s either one or the other; you have to choose”
Why not both? Why not all? Why not???
They’re all the same problems since day one. I can’t bring myself to say no. I guess I’m just a bit afraid.
People say “Why did you choose to stay in NY for your boyfriend? That’s so stupid.” Maybe it is. Who knows? But now that I am here, I plan opn making the most out of it. So what if all my friends are male? So what?
When I say that I wish it were the end, it reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend. I just want to fast forward to graduation. I want to fast forward to whatever I want to be.

I was around five or six years old, I’m not quite sure now. I had just moved to my current hometown, and my family wanted to explore. My mom had decided that going to the library would be the best way to develop a child’s mind, and now, I completely agree with her. When she had first brought the idea up, my siblings and I were very skeptical, thinking that being stuck in the library was definitely not the way we should be spending our summers. We thought that summers should be spent at places like Disney World or camping. The idea of being surrounded by musty old books was definitely not that. My mother, having none of our complaints, took it upon herself to drag us to the library and sign us up for its summer camp. Little did I know that it would be a place I’d frequent in upcoming years.

I was ushered into a carpeted room, where there was a windowed divider separating the walkway from the general study tables and the row of computers. Ahead was a pathway to a play area for small children. To the right was the information desk, and further were bookshelves. This is what they call the children’s section. I remember stubbornly standing there, not wanting to take another step. With the look my mom shot me and the sweet smile the librarian shined, I reluctantly went toward the other children.

Even now, I still go to that library. I would hide out in that corner on the second level, the corner that overlooks the children’s section. Sometimes, I would reminisce about those days when I became enthralled by the magic of storytelling and fiction. From genres like folklore to mystery, I tapped into the lives of thousands of characters, and I became increasingly passionate about reading. And now, as I write this blog, I am sitting in that same corner, surrounded by books and overlooking that children’s lair.

Sometimes I wonder about this. I wonder how people view me, and I want to know what they think. It makes me ponder if I would change myself if I knew what other people are thinking. Am I a bitch that no one wants to be friends with? Or maybe people think that I’m studious and hardworking, and want to be friends with me to use me. I don’t know, and it has been a huge problem for me. Maybe I’m so pretty that the girls are too envious to want to befriend me? (Just that thought reminds me of my best friend from HS; she was always like “Honestly, I think I’m so much prettier that her.”) That’s what my dad said, jokingly, at the start of this semester. All I know now is that all my friends so far, apart from one exception, are male. Of course, I don’t really mind this much, since according to someone, I’m just like a dude who likes to check out other girls (which I totally do NOT do). However, the problem that arises is that I do have a boyfriend, and he is the jealous type. The thing is that I totally understand why he would be. People have told me before that I come off as pretty flirtatious towards both sexes, but that really is just my personality, and so it is understandable that he would feel this way. So, a very immediate goal for me this semester is to make more girl friends! That is much easier said than done, and I am trying.

There is one big thing that really distinguishes the difference between high school and college, and that is that I don’t know anyone at college. There are so many people, and I’m just not used to it. In high school, I knew practically everyone, but here, I’m sometimes lost and alone, with no one to say “Hi” to and no one to walk and talk with. This loneliness often would remind me of times in high school where I wouldn’t have to try and find people to hang out with, and that my boyfriend was there all the time. The biggest transition for me is that my boyfriend is no longer by my side all the time. Now, we have to scrape a few measly hours a day to each other when we were so used to being together pretty much 24/7. I feel like this first year alone without him definitely makes life harder, but it also gives me an opportunity to work on my own and be independent. I don’t want college to change me, since I’m perfectly content with how I am now, and what I want to obtain from attending Baruch is the passageway to internship/job opportunities, and of course, the education. Can’t forget that part, now, can I?